Will This Last?
by FlynnRidersRapunzel
Summary: Shuichi feels that Yuki's feelings for him are shrinking. After Shuichi gets sick Yuki has to take care of him. MPREG I REPEAT MPREG! Thanks for reading it before -- now read the edited version! Completely revised, thanks to chasingmornings.Readtherevere
1. It all starts some way

turn one: it all starts some way

**turn one: it all starts some way**

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_  
I'm gonna tell you something good about yourself.  
I'll say it now and I'll never say it about no one else._

- "Eighties Fan" by Camera Obscura

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Eiri Yuki was busy typing on his laptop. He was just about to finish up his latest novel when a high-pitched voice screaming his name burst into the room.

"YUKI!"

A happy pink-haired rock star came running over to Yuki and gave him a hug from behind.

"Why do you consistently bother me?" Yuki asked coldly.

"Do I really bother you that much?" Shuichi Shindou replied innocently.

"Yes. Now go away. I have a deadline to meet and I want this horrid story to be done with."

"Sorry to bother you, Yuki," Shuichi said, leaving the room with his head towards the ground. He wandered into the living room, sat on the couch, and watched tapes of Nittle Grasper that he had brought with him from his place.

Feeling bored in no less then twenty minutes, he turned the TV off and called Hiro.

"Hey Hiro, its Shuichi. Want to go grab a coffee?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll meet you down there in ten minutes." Hiro said hanging up the phone.

Shuichi knocked on the door to Yuki's office after getting off the phone.

"What do you _want_?" Yuki grumbled, still typing away at the keyboard, not bothering to look up for a second. Shuichi spoke from the other side of the door, shuffling his feet.

"Erm...going to grab a coffee with Hiro."

Shuichi heard nothing but the sound of keys being pressed with a ferocious intensity.

With a sad look on his face, Shuichi walked out of the apartment.

He walked down the street, alone and cold. It was a chilly day, and he had neglected to put on his jacket before he left since Yuki had distracted him with his surly attitude. He always knew Yuki cared about him, but nowadays he wasn't really sure anymore. Yuki had been so cold to him lately, which was why he had asked Hiro out for coffee. Shuichi wanted to talk to his best friend and get some advice.

On his way to the coffee shop, it began to rain. Shuichi paid it no mind. True, he was really cold now and was beginning to shiver a little, but he just ignored it. Legions of fans followed him, surrounded him. He just kept on walking and ignored their pleas for autographs and pictures.

Once Shuichi entered the coffee shop, he noticed that Hiro was in disguise, trying to avoid the fans. However, it didn't last long when he saw a drenched Shuichi. He ran over to his friend, placed his jacket around his shoulders, and the owner of the coffee shop locked the door so the fans couldn't get them.

Hiro brought Shuichi over to his table.

"What's the matter? Why aren't you wearing a jacket or have an umbrella?" Hiro asked as the owner gave them coffee on the house. Shuichi sipped it gently then looked out the window.

"Yuki's...been distant lately," Shuichi said as Hiro began sipping his coffee.

"How so?"

"He doesn't want me around, and he's been kicking me out of bed every morning, really early. He hasn't kissed me in so long. We haven't had sex in a while either. He shuns me from his work space more often then he used to, and I feel alone in that house even though I know he is there."

Shuichi took another sip of coffee.

"Maybe you should tell him how you feel?" Hiro suggested.

"Oh please. You know he never listens."

"Well, maybe you should _make_ him listen."

"How the hell do I do that? Yuki's a good listener, but he really hates it when I try to talk to him about that type of stuff ." Shuichi said, drinking more coffee to warm his frozen body.

"Walk into his office and talk to him. Make him listen. Close his laptop if you have to, shit."

"But he's on deadline."

"Shuichi, you need to tell him. You really do." Hiro said, patting the pink-haired star on the head.

"Thanks, Hiro! In fact, I'm going to go home right now and tell him what I think." Shuichi said dumping Hiro's coat over the booth they were in.

"Shuichi, wait. Don't you think you might need my jacket?"

"No, I'll run home. You made me feel so much better, Hiro." Shuichi yelled as he ran out the door, past the fans and paparazzi.

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"YUKI!" Shuichi shouted, drenched in rainwater. He dripped all over the carpet, forming small puddles here and there.

When Shuichi reached Yuki's office and opened the door, his blonde-haired boyfriend was nowhere in sight. Then he checked the living room, and the kitchen.

Still no Yuki.

He ran to the bedroom to discover the sleeping writer, all wrapped up in silk sheets. He looked warm and comfortable, and suddenly Shuichi wanted to be right by his side. Shuichi knew Yuki wouldn't mind if he slept next to him for the night. But he thought he should change out of his wet clothing first. After he slipped into some pajamas, he curled up next to his boyfriend.

Yuki could feel the new arrival in his bed. Opening his eyes a little, he saw that Shuichi was shivering. He wanted more then anything to kick the kid out of his bed, but then decided not to, because he just looked so cute laying next to him. Yuki moved closer to Shuichi and put his arms around his half-sleeping lover.

"Hopefully this will keep you warm," Yuki whispered as he began to nibble on Shuichi's freezing earlobe.

"It's working." Shuichi said quietly, drifting off to sleep in the arms of the man he knew loved him.

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Morning finally came. When Yuki awakened, he noticed that his grip was no longer on Shuichi. Looking over the bed, he noticed that his lover was buried a little further under blankets then usual.

Yuki might have found it odd, but didn't say anything. Instead, he got out of bed and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. Minutes later, as he was stirring some rice porridge in a pot, he saw a red-nosed, dreary-eyed, pale pop star come out of his room.

"What the matter with you?" Yuki asked as he watched Shuichi fall on the couch.

"I'm cold," Shuichi replied with a rather stuffy voice.

"Go get a blanket. I have work to do today so you can take care of yourself." Yuki said, taking a bowl of rice porridge to his office along with a newspaper.

Shuichi remained on the couch, uncovered, freezing cold, his head swimming. Objects around him looked as though they were swimming too. He got so dizzy he fell off the couch and onto the ground.  
He managed to get up, his legs wibbling a little. He kept a firm grip on the armrest as he called out for his lover.

"Yuki!" he whined. Yuki came out.

"What?" he said rather coldly.

"Make me feel better, Yuki."

"I told you, you need to take care of yourself today. I don't have time to take care of you."

"Please Yu…"

Shuichi couldn't finish his sentence. His eyes fluttering, dizziness overtook him and he began to fall. Yuki caught him and felt his forehead and body.

The boy was burning up.

Yuki picked up the small rock star, carried him to the bedroom and placed him atop the sheets. He went to prepare a cold compress, and placed it on Shuichi's forehead while he listened to Shuichi's abnormal breathing.

Yuki got up to get some medicine to reduce the fever. When he came back, his lover was shivering even though he'd been placed under five blankets.

At that moment the phone rang. Yuki got into bed and placed Shuichi's head in his lap before answering.

"Eiri Yuki," Yuki said into the receiver.

"Is Shuichi there?" It was K, who always needed to make sure where every member of his band was.

"He's not coming into work today," Yuki said, barely above a whisper.

"We have a upcoming concert. He needs to come in."

"Well he isn't feeling well enough," Yuki snapped, and he hung up the phone without bothering to hear K's response.

"Thank you,Yuki," Shuichi murmured quietly, drifting into a deep and feverish sleep.

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(Such a promising beginning.)


	2. The bigger problems

turn two: the bigger problems

**turn two: the bigger problems**

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_  
Something better than nothing.  
Something better than nothing, it's giving up.  
We all need to do something;  
try to keep the truth from showing up._

- "Blue Orchid" by The White Stripes

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"Y-Yuki?" Shuichi asked, slightly awake from his fever-infested dreams.

"What?" Yuki said, now sitting next to him on the bed, his laptop open with covers on his lap.

"Just making sure you were there." Shuichi said. He was about to go back to sleep

when Yuki said something.

"Wha?"

"I _said, _take the medicine I placed on the side table," Yuki said, still typing away at his latest novel.

"I don't wanna," Shuichi grumbled.

"Shuichi, take the goddamned medicine. Now."

"NO, NO, NO!" Shuichi snapped, his voice muffled under the blankets.

"I don't have time for this." Yuki muttered. He got up and walked over towards Shuichi's side of the bed, and opened up the bottle of cough medicine. He poured some of the syrupy liquid into his own mouth. Shuichi stared in awe and wonder why Yuki was taking what was supposed to be his medicine.

He noticed that Yuki didn't swallow it. He was about to question this when he suddenly felt a pair of passionate lips touching his, and then he felt the medicine flooding into his mouth.

He quickly swallowed so he could enjoy the kiss more, but soon after Shuichi gulped down the medicine Yuki broke the kiss. The blonde, surly man gave a half-smirk and went back to his side of the bed, reaching for his laptop.

"Yuki?" Shuichi asked, edging over to his boyfriend.

"What _now_?" Yuki snapped, opening his laptop and beginning to type.

"Why didn't you kiss me longer."

"Dammit, you're si --"

But Shuichi stole his lips before he could continue. Yuki suddenly felt the urge to take him. He knew Shuichi was sick but hey, it was his fault for leading him to this point. Shuichi began to undress his lover as sweat beads from his fever and lust dripped into Yuki's mouth. Yuki began removing Shuichi's clothing as his tongue and hands explored Shuichi's mouth and body.

Then he stopped.

"We can't...you're sick, you're on --"

Shuichi kissed him again to shut him up, tugging at his lovers pants. Yuki caved and helped him slide them off, then did the same with Shuichi.

Yuki broke the kiss one more time.

"If I get sick, you're fucking de --"

Shuichi shut him up again. His fever was quickly taking them over. Yuki took hold, lowering them both further into the bed. He ran one hand up Shuichi's slender, silken thigh as the other hand tugged on tufts of pink hair. Shuichi moaned into his mouth and gripped his lover tighter. Heat gathered between his legs and he felt his groin hardening considerably.

"Dammit, Yuki, if you don't take me now I'm gonna end up coming all over myself."  
Yuki bit Shuichi's lip and grinned devilishly.

"Oh, we're just getting started," he whispered, his hot breath tickling Shuichi's ear.

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A few hours later, Shuichi remained still, entangled in sheets, the smell of sex lingering in the room. He was also burning up as he lay in Yuki's arms.

"Yuki, I don't feel good," Shuichi whined, sweat dripping down his fully undressed body.

"After all that? I'm not surprised," Yuki said, getting up and putting on some pants.

"Where are you going?" Shuichi asked, laying on the bed half-uncovered, sweat lining his body. It glistened in the moonlight.

"Going to take a shower, then get a sponge to rinse off all that sweat from your body. I don't want you stinking up my bed and making it uncomfortable for me. And I'm making us dinner after that. Are you hungry?"

A loud snore permeated the room. Yuki turned around and saw that his lover had fallen asleep. He shook his head, irritated.

"Get better, brat," he whispered.

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After the shower, Yuki came back into the room with a sponge and a bucket. He sat

down on the bed and placed the sick boy's upper body in his lap. He gently began to wash Shuichi's body with the sponge.

"Yuki? What are you doing?" Shuichi asked as he shivered under the intense coldness of the water.

"You smell horrible."

"I do?"

"Yeah, brat. Now lift up your arm. It smells worse there."

"You really love me, Yuki," Shuichi whispered, giving a weak smile as he drifted back off to sleep.

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A few weeks passed from that blissful night. Luckily, Yuki never got sick. Shuichi still had the sniffles for that month but the fever had died down.

However, things for Shuichi were going to get a lot worse.

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Despite the grey wintry sky, the sun rose bright and early. A splash of light hit Yuki's eyes, waking him up. Feeling a little disoriented, Yuki ran a hand over his face while the other hand randomly felt the spot next to him on the bed.

His lover wasn't there.

_That _woke him up. Yuki's eyes snapped open, and he groaned in annoyance.

"Where have you got to now?" Yuki mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he got up. He went to the kitchen and began making breakfast. Knowing that his lover was at least somewhere in the house didn't bother him, so he didn't bother to look for him.

Shuichi came out of the hallway bathroom, his face green. When he smelled the food being prepared he ran right back to the toilet, holding his mouth.

"Mm?" Yuki turned around, hearing the movement from the hall. He switched off the stove and walked down the hall, hearing the sound of vomit spattering in the toilet.

He opened the bathroom door.

"Brat, are you okay?"

"Don't feel very good again," Shuichi whined from inside the toilet bowl. Yuki heard the sound of sweat beads falling from Shuichi's face and hitting the water within the toilet.

"Not again," Yuki said, rolling his eyes. He felt exasperated as he walked out of the bathroom, finishing up breakfast.

Shuichi never did come into the kitchen or the living room that day.

_He must be feeling worse than usual if he hasn't left my room except to throw up, _Yuki thought as he now sat in front of his laptop trying to think of what to type next. But he couldn't. His mind remained on Shuichi. He tried to get that pink-haired pop star out of his head but he couldn't.

Finally the thoughts of his very sick lover got to him. He went to check the bathroom, to see if he was still there. Luckily, he wasn't. Then Yuki ventured into his room.

He saw his lover, once again half-covered in tangled sheets, his brow wet with sweat. Yuki walked over to his love. He slid under the sheets, and gently lifted his pop-star's head into his lap.

Yuki began licking the sweat away from his lover's forehead.

"Yuki?" Shuichi asked, shifting upward into a half-sitting position. He placed his head against Yuki's chest.

"What?" he replied, rubbing his boyfriend's back.

"...I thought you didn't care."

"Of course I care. Why the hell wouldn't I?"

"Because when you saw me throw up you kind of just rolled your eyes at me and walked out without really saying anything," Shuichi said, grasping tighter onto Yuki's shirt.

"I needed to get some work done without you bothering me." Yuki said pulling up Shuichi's shirt. He began to rub his stomach lightly.

"Feel any better?" Yuki asked, kissing the his lover's pink poofy hair.

"A little…" Shuichi whispered, his eyes closing shut. He eventually drifted off to sleep.

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The next day went by with some accomplishment, in terms of trying to improve Shuichi's health. Yuki, however, found himself exhausted by the end of the day and he was slowly nodding off to sleep as he feel backward on the bed with Shuichi on top of him.

In the morning Yuki felt Shuichi stumble out of bed like there was a fire. Opening his eyes, he saw Shuichi heading towards the bathroom. Yuki slowly got up, his body stiff and totally unprepared to start his day. He made his way to the bathroom. Once he reached his destination he stood in the doorway as he watched his lover regurgitate whatever he had in his stomach into the white toilet bowl.

"Want me to call a doctor," Yuki asked lazily.

"NO. It's the fl --" Shuichi upchucked once more.

"Want me to call K?" Yuki said flatly.

"...Would you?"

"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't want to." Yuki said, his voice colder and flatter than ever.

"Thank y -- ohh, shit." Shuichi ducked into the bowl once more.

Yuki was just about to leave when Shuichi stopped him.

"Yuki…wait." Shuichi's head was starting to spin. He kept a part of his face in the bowl, not willing to show Yuki his unfocused gaze.

"What?" Yuki stopped once more.  
"I have to go to work today. We have a concert tonight. If you call K -- GODDAMMIT!"

Shuichi vomited once more, his face looking more green and more miserable then Yuki had ever seen.

"Do you think you're done?" Yuki said.

"For the ti --"

Apparently not. Yuki thought of calling K, but he knew K would probably attempt to make Shuichi hurry up and get better. Then Yuki would protest, saying that you couldn't rush that kind of thing. Then K would get all macho on him and then break the door down to Yuki's apartment and try to drag Shuichi out of there, in the meantime waving the gun around and threatening Shuichi and all that noise.

_Then I'll just punch the shit out of K and throw him out of the house.  
_

Then again...he didn't really feel like going to jail. He thought it a better idea to call Seguchi.

"Hello?"

"Seguchi, it's Eiri."

"Ah, Eiri! How are you?"

Yuki ignored this. "I wanted to let you know that Shuichi isn't coming into work today. Sorry about yesterday as well. He hasn't been feeling well…I left him in the bathroom."

"I suppose you want me to inform the band."

"Mainly K. Shuichi says they have a concert tonight, but from the look of it, he isn't going to make it. I don't want K coming over here threatening Shuichi with that damn gun of his. That's the last thing the brat needs."

"I understand. I will talk to K about our options. Thank you Eiri, tell Shindou-san that I hope he gets well soon."

With that, Yuki hung up the phone. When he returned to the bathroom, however, his lover was no longer there. He searched everywhere, and finally found him in the most unlikely place Shuichi would be…the kitchen.

Once he arrived there he saw the pink-haired star sitting at the breakfast table eating a piece of toast.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, eating that?" Yuki spat as he snatched the piece of toast from Shuichi.

"But I'm hungry, Yuki. I haven't eaten in, like, a day. Besides, bread is good on your stomach; that's why I made toast."

"No!" Yuki snapped. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, trying to gather what he was going to say.

"Look, I don't want to have to take care of you again tomorrow morning."

He heard nothing but distant retching noises. Yuki's eyes snapped open and it was clear that his lover had rushed from the kitchen to the toilet...again. Exasperated, Yuki went to the bathroom and leaned in the doorway, feeling pretty pissed.

"I'm calling a damn doctor whether you have the flu or not. I need my life back,"

Yuki said severely as he walked out of the bathroom doorway. He ventured into his office and slammed the door shut.

After Shuichi was done retching (again), he crawled on all fours slowly into Yuki's room. He grasped the edge of the mattress and slowly pushed himself onto it, for he felt too weak and tired to try to stand up. Within minutes, he fell asleep. In a way, he was kind of relieved that Yuki was doing his best to take care of him by calling a doctor. Even though Shuichi really didn't want to do anything except sleep, which he did for the rest of the day.

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Shuichi's eyes fluttered half-open around eight-forty. Dinnertime was approaching and the grumbles from his more then empty stomach managed to fully awaken him. He opened his eyes enough to see the sunset. Molten colours of orange and gold filled the room with a warm, soft light.

"It's about time you got up."

Shuichi slowly turned his head to the doorway.

"Yuki." He mumbled, still slightly half-asleep.

"Come on, brat. Dinner is waiting." He said, picking up his tired love in his arms as Shuichi rubbed his eyes, trying to get the sleep out of them.

"But, Yuki...didn't you say I shouldn't eat anything?"

"That was before I called the doctor. They said I shouldn't starve you," he said as he placed his love at the dinner table.

Yuki served him a bowl of broth with some crackers, figuring the less he served him, the less he would have to put up with in the morning.

"What time are we going to the doctor tomorrow?" Shuichi asked, stuffing food into his absolutely starving stomach.

"About one o'clock. That's about the time you stop ralphing your guts out," Yuki said, chewing some ramen and sipping a cold beer.

"Do I usually retch for that long?" Shuichi asked.

"Unfortunately, I have your little schedule committed to memory. That's the time I see you usually heading back to my room to sleep. Oh, and I already called Seguchi. He says it's fine and that Nittle Grasper's going to perform instead of Bad Luck."

"What? No, we can still make it! I can still perform if we go now. I don't want to let Bad Luck down. Besides, I'm feeling better now that I've had something to eat."

"It's up to you. Do you really think you're up for this?" Yuki asked, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

"Yes, I need to go, please, please, Yuki, please?" Shuichi begged, giving puppy-dog eyes.

"Fine, call Nakano to give you a ride and I'll call Seguchi and tell him to forget about

performing."

The two both made their calls. Right before Hiro picked Shuichi up, his stomach began to hurt a little, but he ignored it to the best of his ability. Shuichi shook his head to focus himself, then grabbed his coat and headed downstairs to wait outside for his best friend.

Five minutes later, Hiro pulled up on his Suzuki Katana motorcycle.

"Ready to go?" Hiro asked, tugging off his helmet.

"Yeah, I really needed to get out. I missed singing with the band!"

"I can imagine," Hiro said, chuckling. "Well, I'm glad you're feeling well enough to do this. It's one of the biggest gigs we'll ever have."

Shuichi climbed on the back of the motorcycle. Hiro slipped his helmet on once more and revved the engine, taking off down the street.

"Where are we performing again? I forgot." Shuichi yelled over the roar of the engine. He could feel the bile starting to creep up the back of his throat. He swallowed hard, trying to prevent himself from puking.

"Where we first performed. Pelshana."

"Ooh, that is big," Shuichi said, his head starting to buzz.

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Once they arrived, a big crowd of fans met them at the entrance. They all followed the two stars inside, their mouths open and screaming random comments and pleas to be kissed or hugged or something explicit. Shuichi tried as hard as he could to ignore them, and sighed in relief as he and Hiro finally reached backstage. A couple of guards managed to push the crowd back, but one fan tried to edge her way onto the stage.

Hiro nonchalantly tossed a soda cup at her.

The fan growled in anger, dripping with Coke, and promptly stomped away.

"It's exactly like our first concert...when I saw Yuki here for the first time," Shuichi reminisced, looking quite dreamy.

"Oh yeah?" Hiro said, grinning as he slid his guitar over his head.

"Mm-hm. Too bad Yuki won't be here...well, at least he's going to be watching it, "

Shuichi replied with a big smile on his shining face. His energy level was beginning to rise, and he didn't feel too sick anymore.

"Come on, we have to set up," Hiro said. Shuichi followed him onto the stage and began fiddling with the mic, fixing it to better suit his short stature.

Suddenly, he felt dizzy.

_Oh, shit, come on, not here. _He steadied himself using the mic stand, and tried his hardest not to puke right then and there. For the last fifteen minutes before the show, he did a good job of showing everyone how much he was up to singing, even though he felt and knew that he really couldn't.

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An hour later, the concert began. He stood at the microphone, and the stage lights switched on, blinding him. His cheeks were turning crimson and he felt the rest of his face lose all colour, the noise from the crowd getting to his head.

_Come on, you can do this. Come on.  
_

Shuichi took a deep breath. "_Hey, everybody!_" Shuichi screamed, and nearly swooned. That one scream wore him out faster then he thought. He kept at it, though.

"_Are you guys ready to hear some music?_"

The crowd screamed back, almost toppling Shuichi over.

He began singing _Rage Beat,_ much to the delight of the crowd. Shuichi was actually doing okay, even though he was taking breaths in between verses and swallowing bile that kept creeping up the back of his throat. Minutes later, the song ended and they went on to _Spicy Marmalade_, which made Shuichi feel _really _sick. After that came _Sweet, Sweet Samba _--

_Oh jeez I think I'm gonna pass out --  
_

-- and afterwards came _Blind Game Again_.

They finished the first set, then went offstage for a five-minute break. The crowd buzzed, filling Shuichi's head with random little nothings. He held his head in his hands and gripped his hair, feeling dizzy.

"Hey," Hiro said, kneeling in front of his best friend. "You alright? You don't look too good."

"Nah! I'm great. Just...fan-_tabulous,_" Shuichi said, grabbing a nearby water bottle and sucking the whole thing down. Hiro stared, looking both worried and slightly disturbed.

"You're not trying to be all macho and shit, are you? Because you know how much you fail at doing that."

"Shut up. I'm doing great! It'll be fine. Fujisaki-san, you ready yet?"

Suguru Fujisaki finished testing the harmonics on his keyboard, then gave a thumbs up. "I'm all set, guys!"

"Good. Let's do this, then." Shuichi tossed the bottle aside and straightened his coat, ignoring Hiro's concerned gaze.

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"Hey, Hiro, you know what I wanna sing?" Shuichi said into the mic, feeling silly.

"If it's _Rage Beat _again, I'm gonna hit you," Hiro replied, making the crowd laugh.

"Nah, I'm not feeling really bouncy. More like..._romantic. _Hey, you all know Eiri Yuki, right?"

The crowd began screaming like crazy. Smiling, Shuichi got closer to the mic and began crooning _In The Moonlight_. It was going swell.  
Yes...absolutely swell...until he reached the middle of the song.

Suddenly, Shuichi was feeling more than just a little dizzy. The lights, the harmonics,

the sound of the crowd -- it was too much. He felt sickeningly overwhelmed.

Without any kind of explanation, Shuichi ran off the stage, his coat swishing behind him. The fans stared after him and Hiro shook his head in frustration.

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Back home, Yuki had witnessed the whole thing on his television. Grumbling, he took a drag off of his cigarette and then crushed it out in the ashtray.

"I knew I shouldn't have let him perform tonight. Especially after just eating," Yuki said. His conscience snapped at him to play the role of the caring boyfriend and go rescue his lover from distress.

He sighed. "Better go get the brat."

With that, Yuki got up, slid his shoes on, and then grabbed his keys, worry and

irritation eating at his brain.

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(I love Yuki and his epic snarkiness.)


	3. The knowing

turn three: the knowing

**turn three: the knowing**

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_Trying hard to fit among you, floating out to wonderland.  
Unprotected, God, I'm pregnant,  
damn the consequences -- when I grow up, I'll be stable._

- "When I Grow Up" by Garbage

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"Good thing I'm taking you're sorry ass to the doctor tomorrow," Yuki spat as they made their way back to the apartment.

"Yuki…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have gone." Shuichi was looking quite green as he tried his hardest to keep his eyes on his rather unresponsive lover. Besides, if he looked out the window or if he looked down his head started swimming again. And he knew what puking all over Yuki's ¥8000 rugs would result in: his ass getting thrown out of and then ran over with the Cadillac.

"Damn straight you shouldn't have gone!" Yuki snapped as they pulled up in front of the apartment.

Shuichi quietly opened the car door and made his way upstairs to Yuki's room. He quickly got under the covers. He didn't bother changing his clothes; he felt so miserable and exhausted. And Shuichi didn't really want to be near his angry lover for the rest of the night either.

Once Shuichi was sure his blonde-haired novelist entered the house, he drifted off into what felt like the beginning of an endless sleep.

Later, he heard someone step into the room. His eyes fluttered open.

"Yuki?" Shuichi asked.

"Thought you were asleep." Yuki replied coldly as he slipped on some silk pajamas. He turned on the bathroom light and opened the medicine cabinet, snatching his pills from one of the shelves. He swallowed two tablets dry, then turned off the light and crawled into bed.

"What do you think is wrong with me?" Shuichi whispered.

"I don't know. I'm not a damn doctor," Yuki said, closing his eyes. Shuichi slowly drifted off to sleep, clinging to his lover.

A few hours later Yuki awoke to find that some extra warmth was missing. He looked on the other side of the bed to find it empty, the blankets tossed back carelessly.  
_Damn that brat. Now I can't sleep. Dammit, Shuichi, you're making me go soft.  
_

Yuki crawled out of bed and walked out into the hallway.

_He better not be where I think he is, _Yuki thought, heading towards the kitchen.  
When he arrived there, he didn't spot Shuichi at all.

_Where the heck did the brat go? I didn't hear him puking in the bathroom again...well, at least he's not eating, wherever the hell he is.  
_

Just then, a loud thud interrupted his thoughts.

Yuki jumped, then walked into the living room to see a half-eaten box of sushi on the table, a cup of water next to it, and a passed-out pop-star laying on the ground.

..._Damn it, Shuichi. Ohh, I can't _wait_ for tomorrow now, _Yuki thought sardonically as he picked up his slumbering lover and took him to their room.

He placed the snoozing Shu-chan in bed. Yuki had to admit, Shuichi looked so peaceful and worn-out when he slept. It turned Yuki on a little bit, but now was really not the time to take advantage of his sleeping lover. Ignoring his desire, he tucked Shuichi in, then went to the other side of the bed and got settled once more. He wrapped his arms around Shuichi in a protective manner. Slowly, his eyes began to close, and he let the cadence of his lover's breathing lull him to sleep.

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The next morning wasn't any different from the last two days. Yuki just kind of ignored it. He knew Shuichi would come out of the bathroom all green, looking like shit, then he would want him to take care of him. He would say he has to work, but the thought of his love would prevent him from working. Then he would take care of him. And Yuki was getting really tired of it.

So this morning, Yuki decided to have a cup of tea and read the morning newspaper in his office. He ignored the retching noises coming from the bathroom.  
Then he heard footsteps leaving the bathroom and heard his bedroom door shut. He thought it weird that Shuichi hadn't bothered him about not tending to his needs.

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A few hours had passed. Yuki was now eating dumplings for lunch, and he still had heard nothing from the brat all day. Yuki began to grow slightly worried.

Yes...slightly worried. But only slightly.

After he put his dishes in the sink, he went to their room. He saw his lover tangled in sheets as he tossed and turned, shoving blankets off the bed.

Yuki walked over and sat next to Shuichi. He gently pushed his lips against Shuichi dry mouth. Shuichi didn't respond at first, then Yuki kissed his deeper and the boy quietly moaned with pleasure. His eyes slowly opened.

"Yuki? What are you doing here?" he asked sleepily, apparently forgetting his surroundings.

"I live here. And it's also time to go," Yuki said, gazing into Shuichi's grape colored eyes.

"Go where?" Shuichi asked now sitting up rubbing his eyes.

"To the doctor, you moron," Yuki said, walking out of the room. "Get some clean clothes on and hurry up. We're already running late because I wanted to let you sleep," Yuki yelled from the hall, gathering his keys and shoes.

Shuichi did as he was told then met Yuki by the car. They clambered inside and Yuki revved the engine, backing out of the driveway so fast that he nearly hit a feeble old woman with a walker. She waved her middle finger at Yuki, who wasn't really paying attention.

"How are you feeling now?" Yuki asked as they turned a corner and headed to the highway.

"Tired," Shuichi replied. He pressed his head into the cushion of the headrest and started dozing off. The sound of Shuichi's unsteady breathing worried Yuki greatly, which was something he wasn't accustomed to feeling. Annoyed, Yuki turned his attention to the road and didn't bother looking at Shuichi again for forty minutes.

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"Shuichi, wake up," Yuki said, poking his lover in the arm.  
"Are we there yet?" Shuichi asked with a yawn.

"Why do you think I'm waking you up?" Yuki questioned as he got out of the car.

They walked in together. As Yuki signed Shuichi in, the pink-haired boy took a seat and started playing with one of the children's toys that sat on the table. Yuki took a seat next to him, eventually snatching the toy out of Shuichi's hands because it was starting to irritate him. Shuichi pouted, and stared at his feet for ten minutes.

Finally, a nurse came out and called his name.

"Yuki, I want to go by myself," Shuichi said.

"To hell you are. I have had to put up with you puking every morning for the last week and I want to know why. I'm going in with you." Yuki grabbed his lover's wrist and followed the nurse, who led them into a white room.

"Wait in here," the nurse said a little brusquely, turning on one heel and closing the door as her black hair swished behind her. Shuichi hopped up onto the plastic aqua bed and started poking the paper. Yuki rolled his eyes and sat in a plush chair in the corner, folding his arms and staring into space. They remained that way for about ten more minutes, until the nurse came back in, this time with a clipboard. She looked very annoyed, and very tired.

"...Yuki-sama? Eiri Yuki-sama?"

"...Yes."

"Wow. Interesting. Then this must be Shuichi Shindou." The nurse extended her hand to Shuichi, who shook it with a grin on his face.

"My name is Koneko Mosu, I'll be giving you a routine physical before the doctor steps in. Now, what exactly seems to be the problem?"

"Shuichi got a little sick last month, and it subsided for a while. Then he started throwing up Tuesday and he hasn't really stopped since," Yuki stated as Nurse Mosu wrote everything down.

"How unfortunate," Koneko said sardonically, ignoring the scathing look that Yuki threw at her. After scribbling the information, she placed the clipboard on the bed and motioned for Shuichi to get on the scale. She managed to get his weight after slapping his hand when he tried to play with the riders.  
Then something strange was discovered.

"I gained some weight? But I haven't been eating anything," he told Koneko, who raised her eyebrows.

"That's pretty weird," she said. "Lemme write it down." She grabbed the clipboard.

"Are you actually qualified for this?" Yuki snapped, noticing the nurse's rather casual and slack demeanour, along with her slightly wrinkled scrubs and crooked glasses. Koneko looked up and gave the writer a glare.

"Bite me, rich boy," the nurse snapped. Yuki opened his mouth to say something, but Shuichi waved him down, not really in the mood to hear shouting.

The rest of the physical got even stranger. Koneko thought she felt something other than digested food churning in the pit of Shuichi's stomach when she examined it. She wrote this down, then walked out of the room to give her notations to the doctor, who Yuki hoped would be a lot more agreeable than that snarky girl.

Soon after, the doctor came in. She definitely looked likeable, with her kind face and winning smile.

Not that Yuki really cared.

"Hello, Shuichi Shindou and Eiri Yuki. My name is Dr. Chidori."

Dr. Chidori walked over to the two men, holding the nurse's clipboard close to her chest.

"Now, I'm very sorry, but I need to ask you this: have you two been intimate lately?"

"What type of question is that?" Yuki snapped.

"It's okay, Yuki. I'll handle it. Yes we have," Shuichi said very bluntly as his face turned red.

"I see...well, Shuichi, I need you to give us a urine sample. I will run some tests with it, then get back to you in ten minutes," the doctor said, handing Shuichi a little plastic cup with a green lid. Shuichi walked to the bathroom, feeling rather pressured. Good thing he had downed another bottle of water before he left.

A minute later, Shuichi came back and handed the cup to the doctor, who closed the door as she walked out. Shuichi cuddled with his lover, feeling so, so tired.

Five minutes later they heard disturbed-sounding voices out in the hall.

"This can't be right." Koneko's voice drifted through the door.

"I'm telling you, that's what it is," Dr. Chidori said.

"No way. You're absolutely kidding me."

"Okay, then you do the test and watch me be right."

Another five minutes passed, wherein all the two lovers heard was strange bickering. Finally, the talking had stopped.

Then the doctor walked in.

"I...honestly don't know how this happened," the doctor began.

"The chances of this ever happening are...well, one out of a hundred. But in your case, you're the one."

"What are you talking about, woman," Yuki snapped, losing patience.

"Well...it looks as though Shindou-san here is pregnant."

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PLOT TWIST...well, not really.


	4. The Next Face Of Yuki

turn four: the next face of yuki

**turn four: the next face of yuki**

**  
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_You take such pretty photos,  
when will you be worthy of a good side?  
Where will you be when the clouds break,  
and all it takes just a little more than you have?_

- "Monkey" by Bush

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Yuki ran to the bathroom to puke and Shuichi just sat there, dumbfounded. After a few seconds he asked,

"I'm really having a child?" He placed his hand gently on his stomach.

"Weird as it is, yes, you are having a child, Shindou-san." the doctor said as Yuki returned, wiping the sweat away from his forehead.

"Yuki, are you alright?" Shuichi asked as he ran to his lover.

"...Are you really having your own brat?" Yuki asked quietly, placing his hand on Shuichi's shoulder.

Shuichi said nothing. His eyes looked dim, confused. Dr. Chidori decided that they needed some privacy.

"I'll leave you two alone," the doctor said as she gently closed the door behind her.

Once she was gone, dead silence filled the room. Shuichi swallowed and blinked, nodding.

"Yes, Yuki. But I know how you don't like kids…so if you don't want it I don't have to have it."

He said this without any kind of feeling, and it unnerved Yuki. Swallowing, the novelist gently cupped Shuichi's cheek and looked him straight in the eye.

"Do you want to have this child, Shuichi?"

"Yes. To me, this...this is like a symbol of how much we love each other. I know, it sounds silly, but I think that this child would really bring us closer...you know?"

Yuki bit his lower lip as he thought.

"...I suppose you would want my help?" he asked after a while.

"Of course Yuki. We would be a family."

"...Well. If you want it that bad you can keep it." he kissed Shuichi's forehead and sat back down in the chair, folding his arms. Shuichi stared at him, his expression grim.

"It's not a dog, Yuki. We both have to take care of this baby, and make sure it has a proper upbringing...especially since it has famous fathers," Shuichi chuckled.

"...I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

The doctor re-entered. She gave Shuichi a kind smile.

"Do you think you're going to keep it?"

"Yes." Eiri said before letting Shuichi say anything.

"Really, Yuki?"

"Yeah, brat. Come on, you look tired," Yuki said, getting up and walking over to

Shuichi, grasping the boy's hand. Shuichi's eyes began to water from his lover's kindness, and it irked Yuki.

"Don't make me regret having this child, Shuichi," he said coldly. Just as they were about to leave, as the doctor stopped them.

"Here, Shindou-san," Dr. Chidori said as she handed him a container of pills.

"What are these?" Shuichi eyed the bottle.

"Prenatal vitamins. They will help to give the child the right amount of nutrition.

Also, you have to eat plenty of meat and carbohydrates. Yuki-san, you need to make him at least six small meals a day, emphasis on small. The more he eats, the worse his morning sickness will be. Shindou-san, I want you to go on maternity leave from your job in a few months, which will also be the next time I see you. Yuki-san, please take good care of him. I know this is a break from your original routine but..."

"I know," Yuki sighed. "He's going to need me." The doctor smiled encouragingly.

"I can't take off work, we're about to go on tour," Shuichi protested.

"I'm sorry, Shindou-san, but right now you need plenty of food, rest and time with your partner."

"...I understand," Shuichi said leaning in his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. A blanket of exhaustion swept over him and his eyes began drooping closed.

"How far along is he?" Yuki asked, stroking his lover's hair.

"About a month, I'm afraid," she said with a smile. Shuichi muttered something about waiting in the car, then he pushed himself off of Yuki and began to walk down the hall. Yuki almost followed suit, when he turned around and looked at the doctor with a slightly dismal expression on his pale face.

"...Thank you," Yuki said, leaving the office. Dr. Chidori nodded and watched as novelist left, just as Nurse Koneko had reappeared.

"Rather odd, aren't they?"

"Damn straight. Come on, I'm in the mood for teriyaki."

"You're buying," Koneko replied, grabbing her coat and giving a wide grin.

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A few hours had passed. Shuichi had fallen asleep on the way home, and he now woke up to find himself in Yuki's bed.

"Yuki?" He rubbed his eyes. He heard no response.

_Must be in his office,_ Shuichi thought as he got out of bed.

He walked to Yuki's office and peered in.

"Yuki?"

No response. Shuichi felt a little hurt that Yuki was ignoring him. He watched the older man's slender fingers dance across the keyboard, his golden eyes focused on

the screen of his laptop.

"...Yuki."

"_What?" _Yuki snapped, exasperated. "I'm busy."

"But Yuki," Shuichi whined. "I'm hungry."

"There's a plate with your leftover sushi on the kitchen table. I saved it for you. It's healthy and small and after you eat it you can do whatever you like."

"...Thanks, Yuki." Shuichi slipped out and found his small snack on the kitchen table, where Yuki said it would be.

He heard his stomach rumble as placed a piece of fish into his mouth.

"Don't worry, you're getting fed." Shuichi patted his stomach after he swallowed the fish.

At that moment, the telephone rang. Shuichi rushed over after it rang five times and it became obvious that Yuki was not going to be bothered to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Ah, Shindou-san, just the person I wanted to talk to." Tohma Seguchi's kind voice rang in Shuichi's ear, and for some reason, he suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"Seguchi-san?" Shuichi asked quietly.

"I wanted to know where you were today. Still feeling sick?"

"I actually went to a doctor's appointment around one o'clock."

"Ah, I see. Are you alright?"

"Yes actually, and very happy at that."

"Really? What did the doctor tell you?"

"Yes, I'm having a…" At that moment a strong hand lifted the phone out of Shuichi's

grasp.

"Goodbye, Tohma," Yuki growled into the receiver. He slammed the phone down and glared at his lover.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" Shuichi snapped angrily.

"We don't want any one to know about this," Yuki said coldly as he sat down on the

couch and lit a cigarette.

"Why not," Shuichi whined. "Don't you think they'll be happy for us?" He pulled the cancer stick out of his lover's mouth.

"It's nothing to do with that. Seguchi will tell the media and we'll be harassed by legions of reporters, photographers and fans wondering how the hell we managed to produce a child." Yuki reached for his cigarette. However, Shuichi was too quick for him and he tossed it out of the open window behind Yuki.

"Give me back my damn cigarette," Yuki snapped.

"Yuki, it's not good for the baby..."

"Fine. Then I'll smoke on the balcony."

"You'd do that for me?" Shuichi said with big eyes.

"Yes. Now shut up and go finish your food." Yuki got up from the couch and grabbed a beer from the fridge, then headed for the balcony. Shuichi figured that he could handle this silent compromise, since allowing Yuki to smoke outside was better than not allowing Yuki to smoke at all.

Seguchi never did call back, which was very much unlike him.

Shuichi went back over to the table and finished his sushi. After placing the plate in the sink, he sat down in the living room and drank some tea while he turned the television on and flipped through the channels.

He stopped when a familiar looking blonde popped up on the screen. There, at a press conference, sat Tohma Seguchi, who had about fifty microphones in his face and a serious expression.

"Seguchi-san, have you heard anything about the release of Bad Luck's next album?

"According to their manager Claude Winchester, the new album should have been released a few days ago," one of the reporters said.

"Yes, I'm aware. The new album hasn't been released due to the lead singer's absence. Shuichi Shindou has been rather ill. I talked to him today, but our phone conversation was disconnected. I will try reaching him later."

"Do you know when the new album will be released?" the same reporter asked.

"Well, that depends on the condition of our singer, now, doesn't it?" Seguchi responded.

"How do the other members of Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck feel about the untimely absence of their close friend and lead singer?"

"Actually, one of the members of Nittle Grasper is going over to his apartment today to give him a care package, since he has been sick. Meanwhile, Bad Luck has been busy creating new music for the songs Shuichi has written."

As the conference went on there was a knock on the door. Shuichi had a feeling he knew who it was. He braced himself as he opened the door.

"SHUICHI!" Ryuichi Sakuma screamed as he wrapped his arms around the young pop star.

"Sakuma-san!" Shuichi said, returning the hug.

"I brought you something I think you might like." Ryuichi handed him a very well decorated CD.

"YOU GOT ME YOUR LATEST ALBUM! This makes me feel so much better...thank you, Ryu-chan!"

"Tell Kumagoro you're feeling all better! He'll be happy to hear it. He was the one who suggested the gift." Ryu-chan waved Kumagoro in Shuichi's face.

"I'm feeling quite well, Kumagoro, and thank you for the gift. Now...can I tell you something Ryu-chan?" Shuichi asked quietly, sitting on the couch.

"What is it Shu-chan?" Ryu-chan asked as he sat next to the young man.

"I…haven't told anyone about why I was sick…well, Yuki knows, but...can you keep a secret?"

"Anything Shuichi-kun! Oh my God!...Are you going to die?"

"Uhh, no."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm…I'm…"

"You're what?"

"Pregnant!"

"Really? Like, for real?"

Shuichi nodded.

"Shuichi, that's great! I hope I can have a baby someday. Can I be there when your baby's born? I'll be sooo happy."

Ryuichi said all of this very fast.

"Remember, don't tell anyone," Shuichi admonished kindly, looking Ryuichi right in the face.

"I promise!" Ryu-chan said, making Kumagoro put a hand across his chest, signifying promise.

"I better let you rest! I just wanted to give you your gift, Shu-chan," Ryuichi said, leaping off the couch and opening the front door.

"Thanks, Ryu-chan. See ya," Shuichi said, giving Ryuichi a quick hug before closing the door.

"So you told him."

A dark voice came from the hall and it made Shuichi jump. He turned to see Yuki walking toward him, his blonde hair falling over his eyes.

Shuichi just shrugged and returned to the couch.

"Do you think it wise that he knows?" Yuki asked, sitting behind Shuichi and holding him a little tightly.

"It's Ryu-chan. I know I can trust him."

"Hmm," Yuki murmured coldly as he let Shuichi lean back into him. Yuki gently slipped his hand underneath his lover's shirt and began massaging his stomach.

"Mm...that feels nice," Shuichi whispered, closing his eyes slowly. "Are you trying to put me to sleep, Yuki?"

"You look...cute...when you sleep. And you're quiet as well. So that's always a plus."

"You really think I look cute when I sleep," Shuichi murmured.

"...You still awake?…Shuichi?"

All he heard was the sound of gentle breathing. Yuki shook his head and lay down on the couch, pulling Shuichi close to him and once again letting the lull of the young man's steady heartbeat soothe him to sleep.

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(A slightly rocky start...)


	5. Devastation

turn five: devastation

**turn five: devastation**

**  
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_Oh baby, oh baby,  
then it fell apart, it fell apart.  
Oh baby, oh baby,  
like it always does, always does._

- "Extreme Ways" by Moby

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"Tell us where Shuichi has been," Hiro demanded, shaking Ryu-chan by the collar after he told Bad Luck he had visited their lead singer.

"I-I c-can't t-ell y-you! I-I m-made a-a p-promise t-to S-shu-chan," Ryu-chan said, only to be shaken harder.

"Why would he tell you and not us?" Fugisaki shouted. Deciding that Ryuichi needed further persuasion, Bad Luck's manager K walked over to Ryu-chan and plucked Kumagoro right out of his hands.

"GIMME BACK KUMAGORO!" Ryu-chan cried out as Hiro held him back.

"You better tell us why the hell Shuichi hasn't been at work. Or Kumagoro gets his head blown off," K said threateningly as he put his Magnum to Kumagoro's head.

"Please don't kill me," K made the bunny say in a high-pitched, mocking voice.

"But -- I promised Shu-chan," Ryuichi whimpered.

"Would you like to keep your job, Sakuma-san?" a voice said from the doorway.

Ryuichi swerved around to see Tohma Seguchi leaning in the frame.

"Seguchi-san…"

"If you want to talk privately, we can," Seguchi said, walking over to K and taking the bunny from him. He handed it back to Ryuichi, who squeezed it with all his might. K gaped at the pair, surprised, and also disappointed that he didn't get to waste that stupid pink toy.

"Please come with me, Ryuichi-san," Seguchi commanded in a businesslike tone.

Once they arrived in Seguchi's office, he took a seat at his chair. Ryuichi just stood in front of the desk with the most pitiful of expressions on his childlike face. He fidgeted a bit, nervous and unsure.

"Seguchi-san..._please _don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. Please!" Ryu-chan whined quietly. _No, no, don't do it!  
_

"Not a soul," Seguchi said, his voice solemn and low.

"Well you see..." Ryuichi began twiddling with Kumagoro's ears.

"I understand that you made a promise to Shindou-san, but I must know," Seguchi stated.

Ryuichi fidgeted a little more, excitement and nervousness bubbling inside of him.

_Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Don't --  
_

"SHUICHI IS HAVING A BABY!"

Ryuichi clapped his hand to his mouth, realising what he had just done. _Fuck stupid _

_fuck fuck stupid!  
_

Seguchi ignored his former bandmate's silent hysteria. "Thank you informing me, Ryuichi. I know it took courage to tell me that."

_More like just a lack of self-control, _Ryuichi thought, but he knew better than to say that aloud.

"Did Shindou-san tell you how this came to be?"

"We-ell, for two guys, they aren't supposed to have babies, but I guess sometimes

when one guy sticks his --"

"I don't need to know that, Ryuichi. Obviously, Shindou-san didn't tell you. Thank you anyway."

"Sorry Seguchi. You won't tell, right? Pinkie-promise." He stuck his pinkie out to Tohma. Tohma wrapped his own pinkie around Ryuichi's, meanwhile crossing his fingers underneath the desk. He waved goodbye as Ryuichi stepped out.

He got to work as soon as the door shut. He called every media outlet he knew of. He scheduled a press conference. He debated with several reporters about the importance of his message. He never stopped demanding, never stopped to think about the possible consequences of this action. This was probably the most fucked-up thing he would ever do, but what did it matter? It was just a baby being born by a famous pop star. You heard this kind of thing everyday.

_Yes, but not about a famous _male _pop star giving birth.  
_

_Please, he looks so girly I'm surprised some people can even distinguish the difference, _Seguchi thought, snorting. He hung up the phone and sat back in his chair, thinking for a moment of nothing but Yuki. What would he say?

_Does it really matter?  
_

Tohma shook his head. He stood up abruptly and grabbed his coat, a determined look on his face. But as he closed and locked the door to his office, he couldn't help but let a tiny plea escape from his lips, so quiet that only he could hear himself say it.

"Forgive me, Eiri."

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Yuki flipped on the television, sipping at a beer and gently massaging Shuichi's hair. When the regular late night shows failed to amuse or interest him, he changed to channel 4 and sat back, not really looking forward to watching the news. But he didn't have to energy to get up and choose a movie, so oh well.

"...and so you may want to take the northbound lane up west if you're looking to reach Kyoto without any problems. Now, let's go to Keitaro Michio, who has the latest story for us. Michio-san?"

A rather large man took up half the camera shot. He hunched his shoulders forward so that he could be seen by the viewing public.

"Thank you, Amaya-kun. An hour ago, at the Makuhari Messe Conference Center, N-G Productions C.E.O. Tohma Seguchi gave a special announcement."  
The camera cut to footage that displayed a darkened room with masses of reporters and television journalists, who were eagerly awaiting Seguchi's words.

"May I say welcome, distinguished guests of the press. The reason I have called you here is that one of our more famous bands, Bad Luck, will be on hiatus for a year."

He paused as all the people of the media exchanged glances in wonder.

"This is because of the condition of their lead singer, Shuichi Shindou," Seguchi continued. "We received word earlier today that Shindou-san has become pregnant with the child of romance novelist Eiri Yuki --"

_Oh. My. Fucking. GOD.  
_

With that said on live television, Yuki stood straight up, absolutely fuming. He was also absolutely forgetful, since he stood up and didn't bother to move Shuichi from his lap. The pop star landed on the floor with a thud, and he suddenly popped his head up, looking all around.

"Yuki are you alright? What time is it? I'm hungry," Shuichi said rubbing his eyes.

"Turn that goddamned television off. NOW," Yuki snapped angrily, ignoring his lover's request for food and stomping off to his office.

"What are y --" Shuichi was suddenly cut off as he heard his name being mentioned.

"You...are sure that Shuichi Shindou is a hundred-percent male...correct?" A news reporter asked.

"Yes, that has been established. I assure you that we find this as odd as you may, but it's happened and we must try to accept this situation and whatever else life deals to us."

Not even Seguchi's feeble attempt at trying to be sympathetic towards the predicament made Shuichi feel better. In fact, it made him feel even shittier than he already did. His mind raced to find the source of information for Seguchi and his thoughts settled on one man: Ryuichi.

Shuichi shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes. He felt hurt and betrayed and angry all in one go, but for some reason, it was directed at Seguchi rather than Ryuichi. Probably because he already knew that Ryuichi was sometimes easily pressured into giving out all kinds of information to anyone. They had probably threatened Kumagoro, poor thing.

_Why did Seguchi have to tell the whole world? _Shuichi thought furiously. _Reporters are going to be coming at our door non-stop. Yuki won't be able to get any work done, what with the millions of people hanging around our building. And he's gonna be even more pissed at me than he is already, because...because I had to open my big fucking mouth.  
_

He had to get out of here. He had to leave. Now.

With that thought in mind, Shuichi raced out the door, hoping to God no reporters would find him.

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Yuki heard a door close, and he ran back out into the living room. His lover was nowhere in sight.

_Must have felt nauseous and went to the bathroom. Damn brat is going to make my bathroom smell like shit permanently after throwing up so many times, _Yuki thought

as he entered the bathroom expecting to see Shuichi retching in the toilet.

He wasn't there.

Yuki searched the entire house. After about fifteen minutes, Yuki decided that the little moron must have gone out.

_But why?  
_

His mind drew a blank.

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At this point, Shuichi had made it to the park, the place where he first met Yuki. He sat on a bench and watched the sky grow dark.

_I needed to leave, for Yuki's sake. I need to save him the embarrassment I caused him. I cant go back to him now. He must hate me for leaving him. He's...better off without me. It's probably how he wanted it anyway.  
_

The corners of his mouth jerked, and he began to cry silently.

_He was always so cold.  
_

Shuichi began to shiver. He had been in such a fuss to leave that he neglected to put on a jacket.

It began raining. The water falling from the sky mingled with Shuichi's salty tears and dripped from his hair. His limbs felt pained and he was suddenly very tired. He lay across the bench, his hair now covered in both snow and rainwater. He closed his eyes and let a few stray tears run down his cheeks.

"Goodbye, Yuki," Shuichi whispered. He hunched his shoulders, feeling that leaving Yuki to a more peaceful life was the right decision.

It was the least he could do.

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The first place Yuki checked was Hiroshi Nakano's house. Yuki parked the car in the driveway, careful not to bump into Hiro's motorcycle. He ran to the door, shaking out random snowflakes from his hair. He knocked several times, impatient and shivering.  
Hiro answered the door, looking rather surprised. Yuki didn't like him, after all.

"Yuki…what are you doing here?"

"Have you seen Shuichi?" he said in a cold and quick manner.

"Er...no. Why? Isn't he with you?"

"Have you seen the news?"

"About you and Shuichi? I didn't need to. Seguchi told us. I didn't know that he was going to announce it to the public."

Hiro suddenly looked at Yuki suspiciously. "Where did Shuichi go after it aired?"

"What -- How would I -- that's why I'm over here, you moron!" Yuki hissed, losing patience by the second.

"I haven't seen him all week. I'll help you look. Come on, Suguru," Hiro called out, pulling on his coat.

"Oh? Was I interrupting something?" Yuki asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Nah. Come on -- we have to find Shuichi."

"Of course," Suguru said, nodding as he wrapped his arms around Hiro. Yuki looked at the pair of them for a second, then he looked away, biting his lip. They clambered into his car and Yuki started the engine, bitter tears stinging his eyes.

The roads were starting to freeze from the ice-cold rainwater. Yuki drove onward, eventually reaching the highway. He steadied the wheel, trying to be as careful as he could whilst avoiding the ice. Trucks had yet to salt the streets and it was beginning to snow harder.

_Where the fuck are you, you brat?  
_

"Where are we going to start looking?" Suguru asked, picking snow out of Hiro's long hair.

"Pelshana."

"Smart idea."

"Thanks."

Once they arrived, the place was deserted. Yuki drove around for a bit, straining to see any sign of a pink-haired boy.

No such luck.

"Let's go to N-G. He might have wanted to confront Seguchi," Hiro suggested, his tone somber.

Yuki nodded and did a roundabout, speeding out onto the streets, praying all the while that he wouldn't skid on a patch of black ice.

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Once they arrived, they ran up to Seguchi's office. The young-faced C.E.O. sat in his chair, looking up curiously from a pile of paperwork.

"May I help you gentlemen?" Seguchi asked nonchalantly.

"Why the hell did you have to broadcast that Shuichi is going to have a child!" Hiro burst, his anger taking control of him. "Don't you think it's embarrassing enough for him to be in this condition without the whole world knowing?!"

"Why are you here?" Seguchi said again, this time looking at Yuki.

Yuki's jaw tightened as the vein in his forehead began pulsing. "Shuichi is gone, Seguchi."

"What do you mean, 'gone?'"

"He ran away after he saw the news, Seguchi-san. We don't know where he is, and we...we thought he might have come here," Suguru said.

Seguchi nodded, then continued working on a packet as though neither of them had said anything.

Hiro lost his temper.

"Don't you get it!" he snapped. "Shuichi is gone! He's ran off to God-knows-where and he could be out there, freezing cold, sleeping on the sidewalk, or..."

"Don't," Yuki suddenly rasped.

Hiro looked over to the novelist, who had suddenly paled.

Seguchi looked up again, this time putting his pen down and sitting back in his chair, looking at the three of them with a rather bored, yet slightly intrigued, expression.

"I suppose this is somewhat my fault," Seguchi finally sighed. "But there's really nothing I can do. I doubt that Shindou-san would want me around him right now. I'll...make a few calls, though. See if anyone else has spotted him." With that, Seguchi leaned forward and grabbed the reciever, his fingers darting to the keypad.  
Hiro and Suguru didn't look too pleased, but they nodded and left the office anyway.

Yuki turned to leave, then stopped at the door.

"What did you mean by somewhat?"

Seguchi looked up as the other end was ringing.

"Well, I'm not the one who knocked him up."

Yuki blinked, and clenched a fist. Then he turned on his heel and slammed the office door.

Seguchi smirked.

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"Where should we go next?"

Yuki kept his hands on the steering wheel, trying as hard as he could not to burst out crying. The rims of his nostrils were growing redder by the second.

"...Yuki?"

"I don't know!" he snapped. "I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do! I just -- I --"

He was going to lose it. Right then and there, he was going to shatter.

_Where are you, you little jumped-up --  
_

Only, he didn't.

No one could have seen it coming, what with the snow as thick as it was. All Yuki knew was the sudden pounding his side of the car took, the grinding, deafening sound of crunching metal and shattering glass, flying everywhere and slicing into his cheek, his arms, his soul. The car tumbled sideways and smashed right into the guardrail, glass and metal and blood painting the roadside like a sick mural.

_No...wait...  
_

They lay there in the wreckage, with Yuki being the only conscious one. Blood dripped beneath his eye, into his mouth. He was laying on his side. Something was stabbing his calf, and he didn't move for fear of whatever the object was being shoved deeper into his skin.

_Where the hell are you?...  
_

The distant sound of sirens rang through the deathly silence like a shriek in the night. Yuki's vision was starting to fade.

He closed his eyes, his breath shallow.

_Where are you...Shuichi.  
_

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(thaaaat's a fender bender fer sure.)


	6. The unknown

turn six: the unknown

**turn six: the unknown**

**  
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_Wrap yourself up warm  
on this winter's day.  
Keep yourself safe;  
I'll keep the wolves at bay. _

- "So Soon" by The Poems

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Shuichi lay on the bench, buried in snow. His body had lost all warmth and feel.  
Then something tapped his shoulder.

"Shuichi?"

He heard a faint voice and he felt a warmth breath against the side of his face.

Someone's hands were brushing the snow off of his body.

"Y-Yuki?" Shuichi whispered, his voice hoarse and silent.

"Shindou-san, it's me. Tohma Seguchi."

Shuichi's eyes snapped open.

He whirled around on the bench to face his boss, who was looking as though this was a perfectly normal situation. Enraged, Shuichi lashed out and slapped Seguchi right on the face, leaving a burning handprint on the _shacho_'s cheek.

Seguchi clutched his face, staring at Shuichi in shock.

"Y-you b-bastard." Shuichi said, shivering, his face flushed. He sat up slowly, his limbs suddenly constricting a little. Seguchi looked as though he were ready to whack a bitch, but he decided against it. He deserved that slap, and he knew it.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, sitting next to Shuichi. "I only did what I did for a reason." Seguchi pulled off his wool jacket and placed it around the singer's shoulders. He reached around and took one of Shuichi's arms, placing it around his own arms.

"Seguchi, I...I c-can't move. I'm so c-cold," Shuichi mumbled, his voice breaking. Seguchi picked him up as carefully as he could.

"I'm taking you to the hospital…Shuichi?"

The boy had passed out. Alarmed, Seguchi felt his forehead.

Almost immediately, Seguchi drew his hand back. Shindou-san's skin was white-hot, but the boy still shivered as though he had just been dunked in an ice pit.

_His senses are screwed up, _Seguchi thought.

He took the boy to his car. Once he placed Shuichi in the backseat, he took his jacket back and instead covered the boy with a thick wool blanket he kept in the trunk.

At that moment his cell phone rang.

"Seguchi here."

"Tohma, it's Mika. Eiri is in the hospital -- he was in an accident -- and I can't reach Shui --"

He hung up the phone and dove into his car, turning the heat way up and stepping on the gas.

_I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up.  
_

Seguchi swerved past a speeding Honda and righted himself in the lane, his heart pounding relentlessly.

_How could I -- I wasn't even thinking. No, I was thinking, but I wasn't thinking logically. I should have known that this would have devastated Shindou-kun and it would make him do something like this. And his child...it wasn't even anyone's business. Stupid...so stupid of me.  
_

Seguchi drove for ten more minutes, his thought pattern erratic He reached the emergency entrance of the Kosei Nenkin Hospital. He undid his seatbelt and ran out to the other side of the car, picking up the frozen boy. Shuichi was now colder than ice, even though the heater was up full blast and he had that blanket on him.

Seguchi rushed into the hospital with the young man in his arms. He ran down the hallway to the front desk.

"I need to submit at once," Seguchi gasped at the nurse, who looked at the boy in his arms. Shuichi's skin was tinted with just the faintest trace of blue.

"I'll get a doctor right away," the nurse said, running out from behind the desk. Soon enough, she returned with a doctor, an IV, a crash cart and another blanket.

The doctor came and helped the nurse place Shuichi onto the cart, strapping him to

it and inserting an IV needle into his arm. They tucked the blanket around his sides and the nurse rolled the bed down the hallway as fast as she could. The doctor stopped Seguchi as he tried to follow.

"I'm sorry, sir. You can't go with him."

"Then may I see Eiri Yuki? Please."

"I'm sorry. At the moment Yuki-sama and another young man that was involved in the crash are in surgery."

"What? What other young man?"

"I can't tell you that, sir."

"Please. My name is Tohma Seguchi --" he fished out his ID -- "Please, I think I

know the man --"

"Oh, yes, I thought you looked familiar," the doctor replied. "The young boy is Suguru Fujisaki -- and there was another -- do you know of a Hiroshi Nakano?"

"Yes, yes, I'm their boss -- "

"Nakano-san is awake if you would like to see him."

Seguchi sighed in relief, then swallowed.

"Please do me a favor, ma'am."

"Yes?"

"Please make sure that when he comes out of surgery, Eiri Yuki and Shuichi Shindou

are in the same room."

"I will do my best, sir."

Seguchi thanked her, then walked down the hallway as calmly as he could.

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Shuichi began to awaken, warmth returning to his body. He tried to sit up, but his muscles felt too weak and flaccid. But he felt so..._warm. _And protected. He didn't know why.

"Yuki?"

He whispered it ever so gently, and for a moment he thought he was in his lover's arms, warm and safe.

He opened his eyes. He saw nothing but a white, unfamiliar ceiling. He was hooked up to a peripheral IV line, along with several other skinny tubes traveling from his chest and forearms. They were connected to a heart monitor. From the look of it, Shuichi's heartbeat was very feeble, but still there.

"Wha -- where am I?" he whispered, nervously looking around.

"It's nice to see you awake."

Shuichi groaned inwardly as he turned his head to the doorway, recognising that calm, cool voice.

"What the hell do you want?" Shuichi snapped.

"I was worried about you," Seguchi said, wearing a calm smile.

"I'm so sure."

Suddenly, Shuichi's insides stiffened, and his throat constricted. He leaned upward and started coughing, and didn't stop until three minutes later. He stook several deep breaths, then lay back down, feeling exhausted.

"Where's Yuki?" Shuichi suddenly asked. "Why isn't he here?" Or doesn't he love me anymore?"

"Don't concern yourself with Eiri-san's whereabouts right now. You need to rest."  
Shuichi opened his mouth in protest, but something told him to forget about it. He shut his mouth and turned his attention to his stomach. There was a slight bulge there -- not too significant, but not exactly out of sight, either.

"Oh God...I'm a terrible father. And I haven't even had this baby yet." He ran one slender hand over the womb, all at once calm as he talked quietly to his baby.

"You're okay, though, right? You're still..."

Shuichi bit his lip.

"The baby's all right," said a voice, and Shuichi turned to see a doctor in the doorway. "Though I have to say, it was a near disaster."

"It's..._alive, _though -- right?" Shuichi said, his tone fearful.

"Of course," the doctor said with a kind smile. "Your IV is giving you vitamins and minerals that are essential to you and your baby's health. In the meantime, I'm afraid you've developed an upper respiratory infection, most likely a small case of pneumonia. We've put you on antibiotics, though, and we'll be sending you home with specific instructions on how to care for yourself. Overall, though, you've really nothing to worry about."

"That's great to hear," Shuichi said softly. He placed his head deeper into the pillow, letting sleep overcome him, his last thoughts only of Yuki.

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A loud thump woke Shuichi up hours later. He opened his eyes, but his sight was extremely bleary. Someone -- doctors, probably -- had wheeled in another patient. Before Shuichi could get a better look at his new roommate, one of the doctors had extended the blind between the beds. The only thing that Shuichi caught sight of was a pale, slender hand, covered in scratches and attached to a peripheral IV like his own.

"How are you, Shindou-san?"

Shuichi tried to speak, but no words could be formed; his throat was much too hoarse. Instead, he shrugged and kept his eyes on the plastic curtain that separated him and the other occupant of the room. The doctor's face was really quite hazy, but Shuichi could make out a hint of a smile. He wanted to ask who his new roommate was, if they were nice, if they were going to be one of those patients who went

berserk and threw food if their juice wasn't the right flavour.

But he didn't have the energy.  
Closing his eyes, Shuichi fell asleep once more. Maybe he'd be able to talk tomorrow.

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Morning finally arrived. Shuichi's body still felt weak, but less weak than yesterday. He managed to open his eyes without feeling pain in his eyelids.

"Morning, sunshine."

Someone was sitting next to him, a bandage around his head and his arm in a sling. Or was it a she? The figure had long, matted brown hair.

"H...Hiro?" Shuichi groggily.

"None other," Hiro replied, giving a quick grin before his face took on a serious expression. "Shuichi, where the hell were you yesterday?"

Shuichi ignored this question once his vision cleared and he could really see Hiro -- a few scratches on his face, and one eye was puffy and slightly purple.

"Are you -- well, yeah, you're hurt. But how? Where did you go? What happened?"

"It's not important. Just tell me where you were," Hiro repeated, his voice filled with urgency.

"Where was I when?" Shuichi's fever was starting to get the best of him.

Hiro noticed his best friend's flushed cheeks and rolled his eyes. He snatched a small paper cup off of the bedside table. "Here -- the doctor left them here for you. They're supposed to help bring the fever down."

Shuichi hesitated, then he took the pills and swallowed them dry. Gulping loudly, he sighed and looked at Hiro expectantly.

"Where was I when?" Shuichi repeated, his cheeks still pink with fever.

"Yesterday, when you ran away."

"Is that why I'm in the hospital?" Shuichi asked, pain throbbing in his head.

"Yeah."

Shuichi looked at the ceiling, his mind drawing a blank.

"...I ran away, huh?"

Hiro grinned tightly, raising his eyebrows. "Yep."

Shuichi's mouth resembled a ghost of a smirk as he felt his forehead with one hand.

"...Imagine that."

He couldn't stay lucid for the life of him. A few seconds later, Shuichi fell asleep once more, leaving Hiro to sit there without any real answers.

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Many hours had passed and he could hear voices of visitors for the patient next to him. Shuichi opened his eyes again, and this time they really did hurt. He gripped his hair, biting his lower lip. No one seemed to pay attention.

Shuichi shifted his eyes to the other side of the room. He saw three familiar people standing around the bed hidden by the curtain. He couldn't really make out their faces, though; Shuichi's fever had lowered considerably, but he was feeling the side effects of his medication and it was screwing with his brain. Deciding for some reason not to let the other people know that he was awake, Shuichi closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep again.

"Let's go," a woman's voice said. "This is just...depressing."

"See you tomorrow, bro," another voice said, this one a man's. "Be sure to wake up, huh?"

_Why...do I know that voice? Her voice, too...  
_

The sound of heels clacked softly against the linoleum as the people left the room, shutting the door on their way out.

_I know them, _Shuichi thought. _I know I do.  
_

Deciding that he simply could not be kept in suspense any longer, Shuichi pulled back his covers and managed to get out of bed. He gripped his IV stand and slowly walked over to the partition in the middle of the room. He hesitated before pulling it aside, his hand inches away from the cheap plastic.

_...I have a right to know. What if it's some psychotic murderer who'll kill me as soon as he's awake?  
_

Shuichi pulled the curtain back.

It wasn't a murderer. It wasn't even someone who looked dangerous.

There in the bed lay Yuki, his eyes closed, his face like an angel's. His head was wrapped with bandages, and his right eye was covered with a white patch. His arm was attached to an IV. His skin bore several deep cuts.

"...Yuki?"

Shuichi's voice sounded small and hurt. He sat down next to his lover, and gently placed his hand on Yuki's arm.

At this, the novelist stirred. Excitement rising in his chest, Shuichi gazed intently at the older man. After a minute, Yuki's eyes slowly opened and they swiveled around to see the pink-haired young man sitting by his side, a hopeful expression on his shining face.

"Yuki," Shuichi said kindly, smiling.

Then his smile slipped right off of his face. His heart flooded with panic. And only because of what Yuki said to him in response.

"...Who are you?"

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(IT'S JESUS. Just kidding; it's only Shuichi.)


	7. Realizing

turn seven: realizing

**turn seven: realizing**

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_There are many things that I would  
like to say to you,  
but I don't know how._

Because maybe...  
you're gonna be the one saves me.  
And after all,  
you're my wonderwall.  
  
- "Wonderwall" by Oasis

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Shuichi took a shuddering breath. He could hardly believe what he'd just heard.

"Yuki...Yuki, it's me. It's Shuichi."

Yuki stared at him for a long time, reaching up to cup the young man's cheek. Shuichi caught hold of his hand and held it tightly, his plum-coloured eyes dripping with tears.

"Shuichi…of course...I remember," Yuki said quietly, running his thumb over Shuichi's cheekbone. "Stop crying, you brat." Shuichi looked to see tears forming in the novelist's own eyes, and his heart simply melted. He smiled wide and lay down next to his lover, snuggling close. Yuki held him tight, looking up at the ceiling.

"Where did you go?" Yuki asked after a moments' silence.

"I'm right here, Yuki…oh my God. Are you dying? I'll go get the nurse if you're dying."

Yuki rolled his eyes. "I'm not _dying, _you fool. I remember you ran away for some reason...and then I -- don't remember anything. Or anyone, for that matter -- but you. I remember your name and your face. But...nothing else."

He continued to hold Shuichi, still staring at the ceiling. Shuichi's happiness was dwindling by the second, and being replaced with a wretched kind of fear.

"Tell me," Yuki said quietly. "It feels so natural, holding you like this. But I don't...I can't -- "

Shuichi nodded, understanding completely. It felt natural, but Yuki didn't really know why.

"You and I...we're lovers," Shuichi said calmly, leaning upward and propping himself on Yuki's chest as he brushed the novelist's golden locks with his other hand. "We met a long time ago...you have so many fans, just numerous screaming legions of fans, all of them girls, all of them gorgeous, and -- out of all those girls...you chose me."

"Why?" Yuki asked. "Why do I -- and why you?"

"Because you're a famous romance novelist," Shuichi whispered, still caressing Yuki's hair. "And because...well, honestly -- I don't know why."

"Maybe because you're a nice person," Yuki said softly, his voice low and slightly cracked. "Because you care. About me, I mean."

"I do," Shuichi reassured him. "I do care. And I like to think that you care too, but...a lot of the time...well, you're so cold to me."

Yuki shook his head, his eyes full of confusion.

"Why was I cold to such a happy person?" Yuki whispered, his gaze fixed on Shuichi now. Shuichi looked at his lover, who was scaring him a little with this frighteningly calm form of mild amnesia.

"I get on your nerves a lot," Shuichi admitted, grinning sheepishly. "I'm too excitable, and I distract you from your work. But all the same, you...I think you still love me."

Yuki showed no notable reaction. Instead, he clung tighter to the young man, his heartbeat slow and steady. Shuichi placed his head on the older man's chest, longing to be so much closer to Yuki than he was allowed. He wanted to escape the bonds of flesh and be one within the blood, the bone, the heart.

But he couldn't.

They closed their eyes and fell asleep in silence. Shuichi held his lover as close as possible, cheek to chest, ear to heart.

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The next morning, Yuki opened his eyes and immediately sucked in his breath. A young boy lay on his chest, curled up in his arms. And for some reason, he couldn't remember why. It was like a wall was blocking his mind from remembering anything that had happened before now.

Which scared Yuki even more.

"What are you doing in my bed?" he whispered, panicked and unhappy. Shuichi awakened, and he sat up, inclining his head towards Yuki like a sad, curious child.

Yuki attempted to sit up, but a bolt of pain suddenly flooded his abdomen and he groaned in agony, clutching his midriff.

"Yuki, are you alright?" Shuichi asked calmly, leaning over to steady the blonde by placing one hand on his back, the other on his stomach.

"Get off me!" Yuki demanded.

"Y-Yuki what's wrong with you...?" Tears started to fill Shuichi's eyes. It was happening all over again, Yuki didn't remember him, and his heart was beating relentlessly, his pulse racing with anxiety and fear --

"Wait," Yuki said, his eyes suddenly focusing on the boy. "Wait I -- yes. Yes, I remember you --"

"You do?"

"-- Vaguely."

Shuichi's hope died all over again. "Oh." He bit his lip, trying hard not to cry so much but failing.

"Yuki…"  
"Stop crying, would you? It's irritating me," Yuki snapped, laying back down. His

stomach had stopped hurting.

"Yuki, you're -- you're doing it again. You're being mean to me."

"And what does it matter?"

"Yuki, I -- you can't. You can't keep doing this. I need you -- _we_ need you, I'm having a baby, and --"

"What?"

Shuichi looked into Yuki's eyes. There it was, that hurt and confused look. Shuichi swallowed and nodded.

"It's your baby."

"No, you're -- I'm -- you're a boy, that's -- that's impossible. It can't be mine."

"It is. That's the reason I ran away. Tohma Seguchi broadcasted the my pregnancy on live television and I wanted to get away -- so no one would bother you. You -- probably hate me now, since I've told you this, but -- "

His speech was cut short by a pair of lips suddenly pressing upon his. His eyes remained wide open, his mind disbelieving. He had shot up just to kiss the younger boy, despite his abdominal pain. Shuichi darted his tongue out to taste his lover's lips. They tasted of medicine and warmth.

"Yuki…" Shuichi whispered against Yuki's mouth.

"Don't," Yuki said, still kissing him. Shuichi closed his eyes and held onto the older man as tightly as he could, his heartbeat livening once more.

They both knew what they wanted to do, but it couldn't be done right there and then. They didn't have the privacy nor the energy.

"Just...lay down with me," Yuki pleaded quietly, something suddenly weakening him. Shuichi suddenly felt Yuki's body grow limp and he held onto him as tight as he could, for fear of letting him fall. He gently placed Yuki back onto the bed, and lay down next to him. He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip, wondering how long this strange predicament would go on.

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Hours passed and Shuichi found himself awake in his bed.

His...own bed.

He sat up almost immediately. Someone had moved him during the night. He looked all around, and finally looked at the bed beside his.

No one was there. He looked at his hand, and found that it was attached to the peripheral IV again. Something must have dropped or fluctuated or whatever while he was sleeping. He remembered, yes, because he still had pneumonia, of course.  
But it didn't matter now.

He felt panic wash over him all over again. He swallowed and looked all around, but Yuki remained to be seen. His bit his lower lip and whimpered quietly to himself.

"Yuki?"

Nothing.

"Yuki...Yuki, where are you?" Shuichi cried out, his voice shaking with fear. He clutched the sheets and cried into the cloth, his shoulders shaking. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. First his one and only love forgets who he is, then he just disappears without a trace. He couldn't _stand _this, couldn't stand not being in a semi-normal situation where he knew where Yuki was and knew what to do. If something wasn't going Shuichi's way, he could always change it. Instead, he was bound by a plastic band around his skinny wrist and four walls, and the people outside told him what to do and where to go. Sure, it wasn't much of a change from working at N-G, but at least he had _some _freedom with what he wanted to do there.

At least people answered his questions.

Now, he was stuck in a hospital bed, unsure of his lover's mental condition and frightened that Yuki would never fully remember him or anyone else.

He felt so..._powerless. _And he _hated _it.

"Shuichi?"

He knew the voice, but he didn't care. Shuichi continued to cry, his limbs quivering.

"Shuichi, Yuki's in surgery again. One of his hollow organs ruptured...that's why he was in so much pain. They're thinking he's got peritonitis."

Shuichi didn't know what that was, and he didn't particularly care. All he knew was that it was causing Yuki to be in pain, and he didn't like that. At all.

"Hiro…"

Hiro sat down next to Shuichi and held him close, his face full of sadness and sympathy.

"Tell me what happened," Shuichi choked out. "Tell me why you're all here."

Hiro sighed and started, regretting every second he had to tell Shuichi all that had happened. With every word, Shuichi paled, until he was as white as his sheets. Hiro bit his lip, finishing hastily as soon as he got to the part of the car crash.

"...Damn -- and it's -- it's all my fault. Oh, dammit..."

Shuichi put his head in his hands, then he looked up again.

"How are you, then?" he said hurriedly. "How is Fujisaki-kun? Are you still hurt, or…?"

"It's not about us right now. You _are_ allowed to be worried about Yuki, you know," Hiro said playfully, a sad smile forming on his lips.

"Hiro…." Tears started welling up in his eyes.

"It's okay, it's all right -- Yuki will be fine. He's going to be okay."

But Shuichi couldn't believe him. He was too afraid.

"Hiro…what if…what if Yuki doesn't remember me again?"

"He'll remember you, Shuichi. It's a little hard to forget someone as small and annoying as you," Hiro said, laughing a bit. Shuichi tried to smile, but all he managed was a half-assed grimace. He raised his hand to scratch his other arm and found something was wrong.

"Wha...?"

Blood was dripping from his forearm and trailing down his skin, pooling on the blanket. He stared at the IV needle in his forearm and saw that the skin around it was dark in colour. His breath quickened. His heartbeat tripled in speed.

He fell backward onto the bed, suddenly unconscious of anything that was going on around him. Shuichi's eyes fluttered closed, his mouth slightly open.

"DOCTOR!" Hiro yelled, jumping off of the bed. "SOMEONE! HELP!"

A doctor and a nurse rushed into the room. Hiro stepped back, his hand to his mouth. He had no idea what was happening. And he didn't like that.

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"It was most likely a collapsed vein," the doctor said after half an hour. Shuichi had nearly gone into V-fib three times while the nurse was prepping another IV for a transfusion to replace the pop star's lost blood. Two charges from the defibrillator and a shot of adrenaline later, and Shuichi's heartbeat was back on line.

Hiro was standing outside of the room, his heart still pounding. His mind was reeling from what had just happened. It seemed too serious, too frightening. But he needed to get a grip.

"What do you mean," Hiro asked plaintively, maintaining a steady voice.

"One of Shindou-san's medicines probably inflamed his vein and irritated it. It collapsed from the pressure. Why he bled out, we don't know, but it most likely won't happen again. In the meantime, we've put him on some new medicine and his health should improve in a few hours. His pneumonia isn't as serious as we thought, so he won't -- well, die."

Hiro sighed in relief, and leaned back against the wall.

"So it was a false alarm?"

"More or less," the doctor said, grimacing. "Now, I'm sorry, but I need to go back and bring in Eiri Yuki. He's out of surgery now -- Shindou-san will most likely want to see him after he wakes up."

"That's considerate of you," Hiro remarked as the doctor began walking away. She stopped and turned around, giving a sad smile.

"I've seen what happens when lovers are separated in a time of crisis," she said quietly. "I just want to keep my staff from getting killed."

"So you're just being selfish."

The doctor laughed. "Only a little."

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Strange visions flitted in and out of his dreams. Shuichi wanted to speak, but his throat was too sore.

"Would you wake up already?"

The voice was faint, but definitely real. Shuichi continued to dream, but his mind was caught in nexus. After a moment, he opened his eyes and managed to focus in on who was talking to him. He had blonde hair and an unusually kind smile.

"Yuki…"

The figure continued to smile. After his vision cleared, Shuichi saw that it was indeed Eiri Yuki. He sighed, smiling. He reached out and tried to touch the one he loved, but Yuki was too far away. He let his arm fall and settled for staring at the novelist for a while, his heart fluttering.

"Yuki…Is that really you?"

"Who else would it be?"

"Yuki…" he said in a dreamy sort of way.

"How you feeling?"

"A little better," Shuichi answered truthfully, "but not too much. I...wish you could hold me, Yuki."

"Well that's too bad," Yuki remarked sharply, "seeing as how I can't get up. I'll rip my stitches."

"Hmm."

"We'll be out of this hellhole next week,"

"I'll be entering my third month," Shuichi said quietly, unconsciously placing his hand on his stomach.

"You know I'll be there."

"You will?"

"If I wanted to leave you I would have gone back to New York," Yuki said calmly, staring deep into Shuichi's eyes, which were starting to fill with happy tears.

"So you remember then?" he said quietly. "You really remember me? Who I am? What's happened?"

Yuki stared at him. "Of course I do -- oh. Well...it turned out I just had a little head trauma. That's why I was all...you know."

Shuichi smiled, nodding.

"I…miss being with you…Yuki."

"I was with you till you ran away and caused all this shit."

"I'm…sorry," Shuichi whispered. "I'll always be...sorry..."

"No, it's really Tohma's fault -- he had to open his mouth and screw things up -- but we'll set it right, you'll see."

Nothing was said.

"Shuichi?"

Yuki saw that his boyfriend had fallen asleep again. He shook his head, chuckling to himself. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest easy, the steady sounds of Shuichi's breathing lulling him to sleep.

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(This is House M.D.: Gravitation style.)

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_**Peritonitis**__ is defined as inflammation of the peritoneum (the serous membrane which lines part of the abdominal cavity and some of the viscera it contains). It may be localised or generalised, generally has an acute course, and may depend on either infection (often due to rupture of a hollow organ as may occur in abdominal trauma) or on a non-infectious process. Peritonitis generally represents a surgical emergency._

_  
_(...just so ya know.)


	8. What next?

turn eight: what next

**turn eight: what next?**

**  
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_Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do).  
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway).  
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend._

- "You Learn" by Alanis Morissette

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"That was a great welcome home meal, Yuki. How did you know that's what I wanted to eat?" Shuichi said in between bites.

"Because all you would talk about in the car was how you wanted crab tempura," Yuki said, cringing at the sight of his lover's plate. Shuichi had heated up a bottle of chocolate syrup and squirted it all over his meal before tucking in. Yuki didn't feel the need to vomit, however; he couldn't really feel much. His peritonitis had cleared up, but his meds were making him a little less lucid than he usually was, as well as a little more numb. He didn't really mind, though. The less he could feel, the better.

"I'm going to bed." Shuichi said, getting up. His rubbed his stomach, which had grown some since last week. It was a little more significant on Shuichi, however, for he hadn't eaten much during his hospital stay and had lost weight. Not too much though, but just enough so that his slightly protruding womb was even more obvious than before.

Yuki rolled his eyes and picked up the empty plate, putting it in the sink before helping himself to more crab tempura. Which was actually quite unusual for Yuki; his habit was usually to eat maybe half a plate of whatever he'd made and then put the rest in the fridge for later. But he wasn't really paying attention -- in a little less than ten minutes, he'd polished off his second helping. Then he went back for thirds and stopped after half of the plate was gone.

_...What am I doing?  
_

Well, he didn't know. Thinking that his painkillers were in full swing, he dumped the rest of the food in the sink and strode down the hallway, feeling tired and a little woozy. He opened his bedroom door and smiled at the sight of his lover bundled up in the blankets.

Wait. Time-out. Why the hell was he _smiling_? Usually he...oh, groaned or something.

But for some reason, he was grinning like a moron. Then he caught himself in the mirror as he crossed the bedroom, and he immediately stopped smiling.

Yuki grabbed a pair of sweatpants and stepped into the bathroom, quietly closing the door so Shuichi wouldn't wake up. He flipped the light switch and twisted the faucet knob, releasing a fresh stream of cool water.

Shoving his toothbrush in his mouth, Yuki began unbuttoning his shirt. He slipped it off and stared at himself for a second.

_Hmm.  
_

It wasn't that huge, really -- actually, the scar was very skinny in width. The length,

on the other hand...

Yuki shook his head, ridding himself of any bad thoughts. He stopped staring at his abdomen and continued to brush his teeth, spitting the paste out in a frothy mess before wiping his face with a towel and turning off the light. Before sliding into bed, he snatched a shirt off of the floor and tugged it on, unable to stand the exposure of his marred stomach.

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Yuki scrambled some eggs in the pan, adding a little milk and ignoring the retching sounds coming from the bathroom. He swore he'd never be able to step in there again without having to pinch his nose. He made small portions for Shuichi, whilst he served himself a larger plate, and rather unconsciously for that matter.

Shuichi stepped out of the bathroom, walking slowly to the table after he'd grabbed his breakfast from the counter. Yuki was already halfway through his serving as

Shuichi sat down, looking positively miserable.

"You sure you're done, then?" Yuki asked with his mouth full.

Shuichi shrugged. "The pills are making it bearable," he said softly, cutting into his sausage. He pointed to Yuki's plate.

"Aren't you eating an awful lot?"

"Haven't eaten this good since the hospital. I'm making up for lost time," Yuki replied, shoveling more eggs into his mouth.

The rest of the morning, as well as the afternoon, went without a word from either of the men. They finished breakfast, then lunch, and they sat around the apartment, not really talking, just giving each other random hugs or touches in between eating

and watching TV.

"I'm taking nap," Shuichi announced suddenly, getting off the couch.

"Good for you," Yuki said sardonically. He ignored Shuichi's glare and went to the fridge for some sushi.

Shuichi walked to their room and crashed right on the mattress, thankful for his maternity leave. Dr. Chidori had called him up earlier yesterday and informed him that instead of taking off in April, he may as well do it now. She had heard about his little ordeal from one of her nurse friends from the hospital -- probably Koneko, who worked two jobs and apparently didn't get any real sleep most of the time, hence her attitude.

_Oh well. At least Dr. Chidori was nice about my pregnancy.  
_

Smiling, Shuichi rubbed his womb and whispered "good night." He then closed his eyes and drifted off, his hands curled like a baby's.

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Yuki was now busy typing away on his very last chapter of his latest novel. With all the interruptions, he hadn't had a chance to finish it and he had to postpone the release of his book. He ate his sushi quietly as he continued to type. He allowed himself no break of any kind.

Three hours went by, and Yuki finally got down to the very last word. He pressed the period key with satisfaction and called his editor, informing her that the novel was ready and please don't take all day getting here, there were other things he wanted to do so haul your ass, 'kay thanks bye.

Yuki stepped away from his computer and opened the door, walking to the living room. There sat Shuichi, cross-legged, watching TV. He had a half-eaten bar of chocolate in one hand and the remote in the other. It was seven o'clock, so Yuki knew he was watching the news.

"Is that my Dove bar?" Yuki asked, sitting next to his better half and holding him close, wrapping his arms around his womb and resting his chin on the young man's shoulder.

"You weren't gonna eat it anyway," Shuichi said, biting a piece off and looking at Yuki teasingly. Yuki stared for a moment, then he leaned forward and bit down on the exposed part of the chocolate, tugging it out of Shuichi's mouth.

"Hey!" Shuichi protested, but he was grinning.

"Turn that shit off. We don't need to see what the rest of the world thinks of everything that happened over the last two weeks," Yuki said, looking annoyed.  
Shuichi switched off the television and looked at Yuki, his eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"What do you want to do then, Yuki?"

Yuki looked at Shuichi, then leaned forward and kissed him. Lightly, at first, then it went deeper as Yuki managed to slip his tongue past Shuichi's pearly white defenses. The time went by and the moment was steadily heating up more and more.

"Let's take this to the bedroom," Yuki said, picking the young man up and carrying him down the hallway. Shuichi giggled like a schoolgirl, nibbling on Yuki's ear.

Once inside, Yuki placed Shuichi on the bed and almost immediately began ravaging him, sucking on his neck as Shuichi gripped the sheets. They managed to get their shirts off and were about to go for the trousers when the doorbell rang.

"Goddammit," Yuki snarled, kissing Shuichi before slipping his shirt back on and stomping down the hall. Shuichi followed, prepared to hold Yuki back if he decided to punch his editor for being so untimely. Yuki snatched his novel from the kitchen table and flung the front door open.

"Nice timing -- !"

It wasn't his editor. Well, yes, it was her. But not just her.

Behind her stood a cache of reporters, who bounded inside Yuki's apartment, all shoving microphones in Yuki's direction and everyone talking at once.

"Yuki-san, what was your impression when you first found out your lover was pregnant?"

"Shindou-san, what was your reaction when you found you were bearing a child?"

"Yuki-san, is it true that the baby might not be yours?"

Shuichi gaped at the reporters, his cheeks burning with embarrassment at such an inappropriate question. He covered his eyes and started singing nursery rhymes to himself, trying as hard as he could to get away from this creepy reality. Ahh, yes, some time in Happy Imagination Fairy Land would do him a world of good.

"Shindou-san, we've heard rumours that you've been cavorting with Nittle Grasper's former lead singer Ryuichi Sakuma and that the child is really his, is this true?"

Oh, that put the lid _right _on the jar.

Shuichi began bawling and he ran from the room, his face completely flushed, save for his burning cheeks. Yuki looked at his running lover, then back to the crowd in his front door, his eyes burning with an evil kind of fury.

"EVERYONE GET THE HELL OUT OF MY APARTMENT!" he roared. He pressed his novel into his editor's hands and told her to get the fuck out. She complied, looking rather sheepish and very embarrassed. The reporters retreated, looking scared and disappointed at the same time.

Once the door was shut, Yuki sighed, trying to calm himself down. He turned around and walked briskly to his bedroom to find a silently sobbing Shuichi, perched on the edge of the bed, his arms wrapped around his stomach.

"...Hey."

"It's your baby," Shuichi babbled, "it's yours, I know it's yours because you're the only person I've slept with, it's no one else's but yours, and --"

"Shuichi!"

Shuichi looked up. Yuki inclined his head, looking exasperated. The young rockstar was surprised -- Yuki very rarely called him by his name.

"I know it's mine," he said, sitting next to Shuichi. "You think I'm stupid enough to

assume otherwise?"

"Yuki..." Shuichi kissed his lover's cheek, then lay down on the bed. Yuki lay down with him, and he kissed him back, only this time on the lips. Grinning, both men decided to finish what they had started before the reporters had interrupted them.

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Morning soon arrived. A faint blue glow filled the room through the curtains, illuminating Yuki's face. Shuichi stared at his mouth, his nose, his eyes. Even after being with this man for so long, he was still amased by the novelist's beauty. He snuggled closer to Yuki underneath the blankets, running his thumb up and down Yuki's cheekbone. The gentle sensation slowly awakened the blonde, and he reached up to hold Shuichi's hand for a moment before kissing it.

Shuichi smiled.

"You enjoyed last night, then?"

"More or less."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, it would have been more comfortable if you hadn't insisted on that one position..."

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Hey, it looked good in the book. Besides, I didn't hear you complaining. No actually, you were kind of moaning really loud and --"

Shuichi shut him up with a quick kiss.

"What time is it?" Shuichi asked, yawning.

"Six-thirty two."

"Geez," Shuichi said. "I don't think we've ever woken up this early."

"Nope, guess not," Yuki said, yawning. He sat up, then he looked at Shuichi.

"Hey."

"Yeah? What? I didn't do anything."

"No, you...you haven't been too sick lately. I thought the doctor said you had pneumonia?"

Shuichi shrugged. "It wasn't that serious. Besides, the meds have been helping me."

Yuki nodded.

"I'm going to make breakfast. You hungry?" he asked, getting up.

"Yeah, wake me up when it's ready," Shuichi said, shutting his eyes once again.

"Sleep well, brat," Yuki said quietly, walking out of the bedroom. In thirty minutes, he managed to whip up a batch of pancakes, bacon, eggs, fruit salad, and some coffee. Yuki, once again, didn't notice that he had served himself the bigger plate. He put both plates on the table and walked down the hall. Opening the door, his sight lingered on the vision that was Shuichi -- half-naked, his lower back exposed, slender and soft and perfect. His hands were curled near his sweet face, his hair spread everywhere, tousled and gorgeous. Yuki gulped, trying very hard to fight the lust that was building up within him. He shivered, knowing that he couldn't screw him right now -- Shuichi was still a little weak.

But that didn't mean he couldn't have a little fun.

Shuichi turned over, laying on his back, his slim chest and slightly protruding stomach exposed, along with something else.

Yuki's eyebrows shot up into his hair.

He grinned mischievously, and crawled onto the bed, lifting the covers all the way back, totally showing off Shuichi's erection.

_Yum.  
_

"Yuki?" Shuichi said tiredly.

"Mm-hm," Yuki hummed, getting close to Shuichi's cock. He flicked his tongue across the young man's wet tip, leading Shuichi into a low moan.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Having a little fun," Yuki whispered before taking Shuichi's cock into his mouth.

Shuichi moaned again, this time a little louder. He gripped the sheets, thrusting upward as Yuki's tongue ran over his cock again and again, heat coursing throughout Shuichi's entire body. Yuki massaged his lover's hips while he bobbed up and down, licking and sucking all over his dick.

"G-God...Yuki --"

His heart threatened to beat its way out of his chest. Shuichi arched his back, closing his eyes and moaning long and loud before he came heavily into Yuki's mouth. He sighed, and managed to bring himself back down, his forehead lightly speckled with sweat. He craned his neck to see Yuki swallowing every last drop of his come,

grinning slightly. The sight almost turned him on all over again, but his body was too exhausted.

Yuki made his way up to Shuichi, and kissed him lightly. Shuichi tasted a bit of himself on his lover's lips, and it was strangely sexy.

"Come on," Yuki said. "Why don't we eat now."

"Yeah...sure."

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"Why must you fuck up the food I make for you," Yuki said from behind the newspaper.

Shuichi turned around. He had been busy dusting the entertainment centre when his lover's sudden remark caught him off guard.

"Oh, God, are you still on about my breakfast? It's five in the afternoon, Yuki. Let it go, huh?"

"I'm just saying. You've been putting chocolate syrup on everything I make you ever since you got pregnant."

"I think it tastes better that way. Besides, I like chocolate. You know what would be romantic, Yuki?" Shuichi said, excited.

_You not talking for once while I'm ravishing you one of these nights.  
_

Well, he couldn't say _that.  
_

"What?"

"If you bought me a nice big box of chocolates and maybe some melon pocky," Shuichi said, a grin on his face and love in his eyes.

"...You hate melon pocky."

"Please, Yuki, please…" Shuichi whined.

"Why do you want something you don't like?" Eiri asked, shaking his newspaper out before turning the next page.

"I'm just in the mood for it. Please, Yuki. I need it." Shuichi whined.

_What you _need _is a kick in the head, _Yuki thought grumpily, but again, he couldn't say that too.

"Fine, I need to get another pack of cigarettes anyway," Yuki said coldly, folding the paper and getting up, taking a bag of chips that he'd been eating with him. He slipped on his shoes and left the apartment, leaving Shuichi confused.

_What's going on with my Yuki? Why is he eating so much? I don't want him to lose that gorgeous figure of his. He'll be heavier in bed too. I have to talk to him, _Shuichi thought. He was about to continue dusting when he suddenly heard a meow. Turning to the open window, Shuichi saw the white cat that Yuki had become so fond of seeing around his place every now and again.

"Hey there, Nyanko-taro," Shuichi said, leaning over and petting the cat, who purred a little and made herself at home in the little flowerbed shelf.

Deciding to take a break, Shuichi turned the television on and sat on the couch, gazing at Nyanko-taro while someone won a prize on one of the game show channels.

"I've been on a game show before," Shuichi muttered to the cat. "And you know what? Suguru had to wear a dog suit."

Nyanko-taro wrinkled her nose.

"Yeah, I thought it was dumb, too," the popstar chuckled, scratching behind the kitty's ears. Suddenly, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"You won't be getting your pocky for a while, so sit tight," Yuki's voice grumbled over the phone. "My editor just called, she wants to go over the book. I might be home around eight, eight-thirty."

"Okay," Shuichi said. "See you later, then. I love you!"

The dial tone responded to him.

"Figures," Shuichi muttered, but he didn't really mind. He sighed and stretched, and decided to take a little nap while Yuki was out. Maybe Yuki come in and stick the pocky in his mouth while he was asleep, just to be cute.

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He awakened a lot later than he had expected. Shuichi sat up, running his fingers through his hair. Checking the time, it was five past eight.

"Yuki?" Shuichi called out, rubbing his eyes.

No response.

Shuichi grew somewhat worried. He bit his knuckle, then shook his head.

_Maybe he's just running a little late, _Shuichi thought. _And he said eight-thirty, anyway.  
_

His stomach suddenly grumbled.

_Gah. Well, I'll give Hiro a call. I'll ask him if he can bring some take-out._ Shuichi pulled the phone from its base and dialed in Hiro's cell number, yawning.

"Hello?" A voice from the other end answered.

"I hope you have money."

"What now?"

"I'm hungry and Yuki isn't home."

"So make something."

"I can't cook and you know that. The last time I tried to make toast, I blew up my mother's kitchen."

"Oh, so that's why there's a giant hole in the wall."

"Shut up. Can you swing by with some food?"

"No. Suguru wants to hang out tonight."

"And by 'hang out' you mean 'have sex,' right?"

"Shut up. I can give you a number to a place called Miyazaki's. They just opened up around the corner, they make some wicked okonomiyaki."

"Cool. Hey, how's your arm?"

"It's there. I can't drive, but whatever."

After some more bullshitting, Hiro gave Shuichi the number to Miyazaki's, which Shuichi promptly called after hanging up with him. He ordered two okonomiyaki takeouts and a couple of eggrolls, along with some gyouza. He waited for forty-five minutes, in which Yuki still hadn't returned. By the time the delivery guy came to the door, Shuichi had lost his appetite and he was tired and worried all over again. He paid the fellow and put the food in the fridge, figuring he'd just warm it up later. For now, he was still sleepy. He turned off the lights and went to bed.

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It was nearly midnight when Shuichi woke up again.

Looking around in the dark, Shuichi saw that his lover still hadn't come home. He strained to hear any other sign of life in the house other than his own.

Nothing.

_Okay, this is getting stupid. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, YUKI.  
_

Shuichi was about to go off the deep end and call the entire police brigade. No, no, he'd call Batman! Wait, Batman wasn't real. Right, okay, the police it was. He was actually halfway to the phone when he heard the front door open, then a loud thump.

Shuichi ran out of his room and down the hall, his chest pounding. He stopped short when he saw his lover laying in the doorway, facedown and very pale.

"YUKI!"

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(That dick-suck scene took a while to write. There are some things that just get me hot, I swear...)


	9. Yuki

turn nine: yuki

**turn nine: yuki**

**  
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_And the thing that gets to me  
is you'll never really see.  
And the thing that freaks me out  
is I'll always be in doubt._

- "Animal Instinct" by The Cranberries

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Several voices flitted in and out of his head before he came to.

"Yuki?"

Yuki opened his eyes, blinking several times. He was in bed, with Shuichi standing over him. He tried to speak, but his mouth was dry and tasted strange. He suddenly felt a nasty taste bubble up in the back of his throat and he bolted out of bed, shoving Shuichi aside.

"Yuki, are you ok?" Shuichi asked. The next thing he knew, Yuki was in the bathroom, puking his guts out. After ten minutes, Yuki coughed several times, then leaned against the back of the bathtub, his chest heaving. Shuichi came in and grabbed a towel, wiping saliva off of Yuki's chin.

"I'm fine," Yuki murmured, trying to bat away Shuichi's hand. Shuichi evaded his touch, cleaning his face without any reaction.

Yuki had a feeling that he wasn't finished vomiting for the day, but he couldn't sit here forever waiting for the next round -- he had work to do. Looking at the clock, he noticed that it was about ten-thirty in the morning.

_So he let me sleep, _Yuki thought.

"What the hell happened to you last night, Yuki?

"I -- went out," Yuki responded, standing up. "I got a little sloshed. Sorry. Now get away."

Shuichi lost it.

"So you get drunk and don't even bother to call me beforehand to tell me you're going out?!" he screeched. "What the fuck, Yuki? I'm waiting here for hours and I'm worried sick about you, then oh, you just come home unannounced, absolutely piss drunk and swearing at me while I'm trying to help your ass up from when you collapsed in the doorway? I care about you, goddamn it, and you're acting like I don't even matter! You could have called, you asshole! You really could have!"

Yuki couldn't take this. He jerked away from Shuichi and walked out of the bathroom, his eyes burning with anger.

"Where are you going now?" Shuichi snapped.

"Just be quiet and let me be," Yuki said, flopping down on the bed and closing his eyes.

Shuichi instantly felt bad. He walked over to the bed and sat down next to his lover, his hands folded in his lap.

"Yuki…I…I'm sorry I yelled. I…I just want to know why you got drunk and why you didn't call me."

The only thing he got in response was a snore.

_You...ASSHOLE.  
_

Shuichi made up his mind. He got up and got dressed and went to see Hiro.

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"Hey Shu-chan!" Hiro said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Something happened," Shuichi muttered, walking inside. Hiro closed the door, looking slightly worried.

"Hiro…I snapped at Yuki and I don't know why…" Shuichi said,. sitting on the couch as Hiro brought them something to drink.

"What do you mean, you snapped at Yuki?"

"He -- he got home last night and he was so drunk, and -- this morning, he wouldn't let me help him when he went to throw up, and then I yelled at him when he tried to push me away, and -- I just -- I needed to leave. He fell asleep when I was trying to talk to him and it just pissed me off so much." He held the soda can that Hiro had given him without opening it, too nervous and on edge to drink anything. Besides, he was so jittery he might spill something.

"So...basically, you're running away from your problems again."

Shuichi stared at Hiro, who was gazing at him nonchalantly.

"I don't run away from my problems," Shuichi said, looking annoyed.

"Hiro, I thought you were going to go to the bathroom and -- Oh, hey there, Shindou-san."

In came Suguru Fujisaki, grinning, sitting in a wheelchair. Shuichi was too stunned by this sight to say hello back. Suguru nodded and wheeled around, going back the way he came and giving the two men their privacy.

"This soda's out-of-date," Hiro remarked, putting the can down. "No wonder it tastes like shit."

'Hiro...why is Suguru in a wheelchair?"

"Hm? Oh," Hiro said. "Well, in the accident, something kind of tore at Suguru's spine tissue and it cracked a bit of the bone as well. He can still walk, but he's going to need some time in the wheelchair before he can go into physical therapy and get his strength back. Until then, it's having races down supermarket aisles as usual, but without the cart," Hiro chuckled.

Shuichi, however, wasn't the least bit amused. His lower lip trembled and he looked down at his lap, his face burning with embarrassment.

"...This is all my fault," he whispered.

Hiro said nothing.

"If I hadn't run away -- if I hadn't --"

"Shuichi, please," Hiro said quietly. "It isn't your fault. It's no one's fault. Just...don't blame yourself for something that wasn't in your control. This could have happened anytime, anyplace. So...don't."

Shuichi nodded, sniffing.

"And you know -- you should go back home," Hiro said. "Try and work things out with Yuki. Who knows -- you may get somewhere."

Shuichi nodded, and hugged Hiro, who embraced him as well.

"Thanks. I'll do that, then."

Shuichi got up and left, feeling a little more hopeful than he had before.

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"Where have you been?" Yuki asked coldly once Shuichi walked in the front door.

"I went to Hiro's," Shuichi said, hanging his coat up and hugging Yuki around his waist. Surprised, Yuki held his lover, inhaling the sweet scent of strawberry shampoo wafting from the young man's hair.

"What time is it?" Shuichi asked quietly.

"Five thirty."

"Close to dinner time...but I'm not hungry," Shuichi muttered, kissing Yuki's neck.

Then he dared to ask the question that had been nagging at him this whole time.

"Yuki…If I -- if I were to -- leave -- would that make life a lot easier for you?"

Yuki peered down at him.

"Why the hell are you asking me that?"

"Is that a yes?"

"Did you hear me say yes? I asked you why you'd say such a stupid thing."

"I just -- I don't know," Shuichi said, feeling very confused. "I've been feeling like such a burden lately...I've been thinking if it might be best if I weren't...I don't know -- here."

"Shuichi, we're not going through this again," Yuki said. "Burden or not, I want you here with me. Period."

"Do you…Do you really mean that Yuki?" Shuichi asked as he snuggled to Yuki's chest.

"No. That's why I said it."

"Jerk," Shuichi sniffed, hugging Yuki tighter.

"Wanna take a nap?" Yuki asked, noting how limp Shuichi's body felt. The young man nodded and kissed Yuki on the cheek, walking to the bedroom. Yuki followed suit, not feeling very tired, but feeling the urge to be as close to Shuichi as possible.

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Shuichi woke up hours later. Actually, he woke up the next morning.

_Must have been a lot more tired than I realised, _Shuichi thought to himself. He got up, stretching.

A strange scent wafted into his nostrils.

_...Either that's pepperoni or I'm hallucinating.  
_

Shuichi wandered out into the hall, and saw Yuki sitting on the couch, munching on a slice of pizza and watching the news.

"Pizza for breakfast?" Shuichi asked as he sat down next to Yuki, helping himself to a

slice.

"All I kept hearing while you were sleeping was 'pizza.' I felt inclined to order some."

"...I was talking in my sleep?"

"You always do."

Shuichi blinked, then shrugged. He hadn't even finished his first piece before Yuki grabbed another slice. Looking down, Shuichi saw that three pieces had already been devoured.

"Why have you been eating so much lately?" Shuichi asked suddenly.

Yuki froze, his pizza inches away from his open mouth. Stubbornly, he bit into his slice and said in a muffled voice, "I haven't been."

"That's your fourth piece."

"What?"

"You didn't realise?"

Yuki looked down, and saw that, indeed, he had taken three pieces of pizza. He put

the fourth slice down, looking confused.

"...I don't ever eat that much," he said in a small voice. He wondered to himself how he had been eating beforehand, and now he understood why Shuichi always looked at him quizzically over meals.

"Yuki…"

Shuichi huddled closer to his lover, sitting so that they were shoulder-to-shoulder.

"…Why don't you tell me what's bothering you."

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(If Yuki gets fat, I'ma smack a hoe.)


	10. The Key to Yuki's coldness

turn ten: the key to yuki's coldness

**turn ten: the key to yuki's coldness**

**  
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_Are you all right?  
I feel like there must be something wrong.  
Are you all right?  
Cause it seems like you disappeared.  
Are you all right?  
Cause I've been feeling a little scared._

- "Are You All Right" by Lucinda Williams

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At five months, Shuichi was still skinny, save for his growing womb.

"I'm going for a walk."

Yuki walked by him, dressed casually.

"Can I join you?" Shuichi asked eagerly.

"No."

Yuki shut the door, leaving Shuichi to deal with his hurt feelings on his own. Frowning, Shuichi got up and headed down the hallway, pausing only to grab something tasty from the fridge. He bit into his food, then spat it out in the trash almost immediately. He flipped the package over.

_Best until 2/3/03.  
_

This damn thing was two months old.

Shuichi stuffed it in the trash, then decided he may as well do something useful. He grabbed the trash bag out of the bin, and went to the bathroom and the bedroom, collecting the garbage. He made his way to Yuki's office, and used his hips to shove the door open. He emptied the garbage can and then made his way to Yuki's desk, where several crumpled-up papers balls and tissues and other random objects lay scattered.

_Eww.  
_

He reached for the papers and tossed them in the trash. He was about to toss in a soda can when he noticed a note tucked underneath Yuki's keyboard.

_Meet Hiragana at the café on Hibuya Avenue at 4._

Shuichi checked the clock. It was 4:05.

"Who's Hiragana?" Shuichi wondered aloud.

_Maybe I should go there and see what's going on.  
_

_Yeah, and maybe after that you can go wrestle with hungry lions at the zoo, _his conscience snapped. _Don't get involved; you'll only make this messy.  
_

Shuichi ignored this. He donned a coat and a pair of sunglasses, along with a hat. He walked out of the apartment and down the stairs, wondering who the hell Hiragana was.

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"What would you like, sir?"

"A garden salad and a Sprite," Shuichi said quickly, not looking at the waiter, who took his menu and waltzed away. Shuichi sipped at his complimentary water, looking around until he saw Yuki, sitting at a table across the room. Across from him sat a short young lady with shoulder-length hair and a pretty face. She looked very professional, except for her earrings. They were little plastic pieces of toast, dangling from shiny silver chains. Shuichi stopped staring, not really wanting to look at this woman's toast earrings. The waiter finally came back with his salad and Shuichi dug in, eating the whole thing in five minutes.

He was halfway through with his sprite when the waiter came back with the check.

"Put it on his tab, would you?" Shuichi said, nodding towards Yuki. The waiter looked confused for a moment, then he shrugged and went off to take care of the bill in the back.

"Thank you."

Later, the waiter came back out and presented the check to Yuki, who looked very angry and confused.

"I didn't order a damn salad. Where the hell did this come from?"

The waiter pointed towards Shuichi, who waved nervously from his table. Yuki looked ready to flip a shit.

"...Thank you," the novelist said evenly, his temper rising. The woman across from him looked slightly amused, but she knew better than to laugh. Standing up, Shuichi made his way over to Yuki's table, his manner very casual.

"..._What _are you doing here?" Yuki asked through gritted teeth.

"Who is this?" the woman asked.

"Who are you?" Shuichi asked.

The woman looked at Shuichi. "I'm Samansa Hiragana. I'm here to see if Yuki would like to work for my company, since his previous publisher has...ah...let him go."

"What? Since when?"

"You. Leave. Now," Yuki snapped, his anger rising. Hiragana looked at him quizzically.

"This is your boyfriend, isn't it?"

"His _pregnant _boyfriend," Shuichi rubbed in. "Pregnant with _his _child."

"Wow. That's pretty -- "

"Yeah, rare, we know," Yuki hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Hiragana smiled and stood up.

"Well, I'll get back to you, Yuki-san. Soon you'll be back on the good side of Japan, you'll see. They're gonna feel the _wooo _that is your writing," Hiragana said playfully, grinning. Shuichi already liked her and hoped that Yuki would be hired by whatever publishing company Hiragana worked with. She shook Shuichi's hand and said goodbye, her toast earrings bouncing a little as she left the café.

"What the hell?" Yuki asked abruptly, looking up.

"That's my line," Shuichi contradicted, frowning. He motioned for Yuki to follow him as he walked outside, and Yuki threw down some cash on his table before following suit.

Everything was completely silent on the way home. Shuichi rested comfortably in the passenger side, his head cushioned in the headrest, his eyes closed. Yuki, on the other hand, looked extremely ticked off and was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel in a spastic pattern. Shuichi tried to prompt him again and again, to get him to say what was the matter, but he gave up after many failed attempts. He merely threw Yuki offended glances, and he was truly hurt that his lover wouldn't share what was going on.

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Hours later, Yuki had fallen asleep and Shuichi came out of the shower, wiping his face and hair with a towel. He sat down on the bed, his mind on nothing but trying to get Yuki to tell him what was up. It was _maddening,_ so maddening that Yuki wouldn't say anything. Didn't he trust Shuichi? Or maybe he didn't know what to say to him without feeling some kind of shame or sadness.

Shuichi shook his head, seeing that Yuki had left his laptop open again. He was about to turn it off after he saved whatever his lover had been writing when he saw a minimised window on the taskbar that read "Tokyo Today: Eiri Yu..."

Curious, Shuichi opened up the window and began to read what was obviously an article.

**Losing touch much?  
****Has Japan's hottest romance novelist finally run out of steam?  
**_**by Jonouchi Sakanoue**_

**I think it's safe to say that Eiri Yuki's career is mere months away from completely flatlining.  
His last novel, **_**Lover's Tears, **_**not only presented with a bad case of clichés, but also made a lot of readers wonder what the (insert expletive of choice here) happened to their favourite novelist's talent? Before, Eiri Yuki had the power to capture and maintain the readers' attention. Now, it seems like he's slipping lower and lower in the ratings everyday. According to his previous publisher, Yuki-san had been dealing with several problems at home and because of it, his work suffered.  
(That wasn't the only thing that suffered, buddy.)  
Could someone else be to blame, though? We all know about his partner and famous lead singer of bad luck, Shuichi Shindou, is pregnant with his child. Is Shindou-san becoming a burden on Yuki-sama's life? Is he the reason why the novelist's page turners are now on the back burners? Or is Yuki just being a misanthropic jerk who doesn't care what other people want, as per usual? We can't deny that, while he's being eternally sweet in his novels, in real life he's just a cold-hearted bastard. Has Yuki-sama decided to stop caring about the public's needs, as well as his own reputation?  
**

Shuichi stopped reading, enraged.

"This is shit! Yuki's novels haven't been that horrible! I read the last one, it was different, true, but it was good! And I have _not _been burdening him; at least not that terribly! What the hell is this guy on about?" Shuichi muttered to himself, his tone angry and feverishly fast.

"...Well, now you know."

Shuichi turned around and saw his lover sitting up slightly, his hair extremely tousled.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Shuichi asked, shutting the laptop off and crawling up next to Yuki. "I could have helped you. I could have asked around, have other people help me out with this pregnancy instead of just you all the time."

Yuki smiled, then kissed Shuichi deeply, sliding his tongue into the young man's mouth. Shuichi moaned and held his lover close, gripping his shoulders. They fell asleep in each other's arms, forgetting all about Yuki's problems. It wouldn't matter soon, anyway -- no matter what happened, Yuki always managed to bounce back.

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A month went by, and Shuichi was lounging in the living room, massaging his stomach while grinning stupidly to himself. But then, he had every reason to be happy. Yuki had stopped eating like a starving man and Samansa Hiragana had hired him a week ago to join Miyuki Publishing. He was back on the good side of readers, and he was also outside tending to Shuichi's garden, the one that the young popstar had wanted to start but never got around to. Yuki didn't want to do it, but he figured that he owed Shuichi something for all the trouble he'd caused him.

So Shuichi stayed inside, watching a game show and eating pudding. After a couple of hours, Shuichi got a little worried. Pruning a garden didn't take _that _long, did it?  
He decided to check on him.

"Yuki, I like your dedication, but I don't want too many tulips in there --"

Shuichi stopped as soon as he'd opened the door to the back of the apartment. Yuki

lay in the dirt, his hand twitching slightly.

"Oh my God!"

Shuichi ran over and knelt down, shaking Yuki's shoulders.

"Yuki! Yuki, wake up! Please, come on -- "

"Where the hell am I?"

Yuki coughed, sitting up. Shuichi sighed in relief.

"Yuki, you probably passed out because of the heat," Shuichi groaned, getting up and pulling Yuki up by the arm. "Come on. Let's get you inside."

Yuki wrenched himself out of Shuichi's grip.

"I'm fine," he said, walking inside. "I'm going to lay down."

Shuichi stared after him. Yuki walked inside, slow and easy.

The younger man sighed. Some things just couldn't be helped.

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(Yuki, stop collapsing. I'm starting to think your legs are made of Jell-O.)


	11. Surprise!

turn eleven: surprise

**turn eleven: surprise!**

**  
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_I'm not like them,  
but I can pretend.  
The sun is gone,  
but I have a light.  
The day is done,  
but I'm having fun._

I think I'm dumb...  
or maybe just happy.  
-"Dumb" by Nirvana

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"Why _do_ you never let me help you?" Shuichi asked calmly, feeling particularly hurt by Yuki's actions.

The novelist let out an exasperated sigh and put down his newspaper, looking very annoyed.

"Wasn't that yesterday?"

"It doesn't matter when it was! You never let me help you, period! It's like you're afraid of me helping you or something!"

Yuki ignored him, and got to up to go to his office. Shuichi glared after him, then went back to knitting.

He'd taken up knitting just last week, and he'd been getting better as the days went along. Before, all he had been knitting were blankets and hats. Now, he sat on the couch proudly, knitting a pair of woolen socks.

But even knitting couldn't take his mind off of how cold Yuki had been to him lately.

_It isn't like it's anything new, _he thought to himself. _He's always been this way. But lately...I don't know. It's...even more so than usual. It kind of scares me, I guess.  
_

Shuichi sighed and put his knitting needles and half-finished socks in the basket below the coffee table. He'd finish it later. He picked up a magazine and flipped on the television, listening to a commercial jingle about cereal while he read an article comparing the latest models of electronic keyboards. Shuichi was contemplating ordering a really nice Yamaha model when Yuki came out again. Shuichi didn't bother looking up; he wasn't in the mood to deal with any crap right now.

"Go get dressed."

Shuichi looked up. Yuki was dressed like he was going to a dinner party, but without a tie .

"We're going out?" Shuichi asked, putting his magazine down. "I thought you were sick."  
"Since when? Yesterday? That was just the heat," Yuki said impatiently, grabbing his keys. "You've got fifteen minutes."

Shuichi sighed and kissed Yuki on the cheek before going to the bedroom to change. He didn't have many clothes that would fit him at this point, so he settled for an extra-large black sweater and some jeans. After slipping on his sneakers, he stepped outside and saw that Yuki had already made his way downstairs. Shuichi heard a honking horn in the distance.

_Dammit, Yuki, you just couldn't wait, could you?  
_

Shuichi sighed and walked out of the apartment, wondering where the hell they were off to this time.

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"_Now_ will you tell me where we're going?"

"You've asked me that twenty times now. Say it again and I will kick you out of this car."

Shuichi shut his mouth, but inside, he was excited. Well, nervous, too. Who knew where this crazy old man was driving him.

_Probably to a monastery so the nuns can take me off of his hands. Oh, Yuki, you jerk!  
_

But Shuichi was chuckling. He knew Yuki wouldn't do that.

It wasn't until Yuki turned a corner and parked near a huge theatre did Shuichi see what was going on -- outside of the building stood about thirty-thousand screaming fans, chattering and squealing and jumping about. Yuki wheeled the car around to the back of the theatre smoothly, avoiding any kind of attention.

"...You brought me to a concert?"

"You're singing tonight," Yuki said flatly.

"What!? Looking like this? Yuki, I can't! My fans won't love me anymore!"

"Then why is everyone here waiting for you?"

Shuichi turned and saw Hiro standing outside of the car, his head in Shuichi's window.

"Hiro! Wait, I can't go out there -- you don't understand, they'll lose their respect for me! It'll be really awkward and I'll get shoes thrown at my head."

"More like sandals. No one wears shoes in the summertime."

Yuki shot Hiro a warning look and the guitarist shut up. Yuki sighed and gave a tight grin.

"So we're walking through the back then? I hope you guys have air-conditioning."

Shuichi stared at Yuki quizzically. "Wait, Yuki...does this mean that you're staying?

Well, okay, that's a dumb question. You're dressed so nicely, after all."

"No, actually, I'm going to do my night job on the corner after I've dumped you here. I need to look hot for the boys, you know?"

Shuichi rolled his eyes. "Is this why you were acting so irritated earlier today? Because you'd have to be here?"

"I hate to break this up between you two, but we're on in twenty, Shuichi," Hiro said, opening the car door and gently pulling Shuichi out. Yuki stepped out of the car as well, and handed a twenty to the valet who had appeared, and told him to "park it somewhere nice. This car costs more than your retainer ever will." Before going up the steps with Hiro, Shuichi turned to Yuki.

"I'll be alright, won't I?"

"I don't know. Will you?"

Shuichi looked extremely worried.

"Coming back like this..." Shuichi looked down at his feet. "No, I don't -- this doesn't feel comfortable. Yuki, please take me home."

"Did you or did you not see the valet taking off with my car? We're here for a while, kiddo. Get used to being in front of cameras again." With that, Yuki reached for Shuichi's hand and pulled him along to the back entrance. Shuichi beamed at Yuki's touch and waddled along eagerly, feeling a little excited. They got inside and walked down a dark hallway.

"You'll stay with me, won't you?" Shuichi asked, so quietly that only Yuki could hear.

"Sure," Yuki responded briefly, and Shuichi's heart swelled with happiness. They didn't say another word until they reached a door, when Yuki said "Go on in" and

Shuichi pushed the door open.

"Surprise, Shuichi!"

"Surprise, Shindou-san!"

"Where the hell did you put my Heineken -- oh, surprise, kid."

Inside the room stood Tohma Seguchi, along with K, their producer Sakano, Suguru Fujisaki (who was actually still in the wheelchair, but he looked as though he'd landed on cloud nine), Ryuichi Sakuma, and an assorted number of assistants and producers. Shuichi put his hand to his chest to steady his heart's fluttering.

"This is all for me?" Shuichi asked, happy tears forming in his plum-coloured eyes.

"Consider it my way of apologizing," Seguchi said kindly. "Nakano-san felt that performing was what usually made you happiest, so we thought a surprise concert might cheer you up."

Shuichi smiled warmly. Hiro always knew what made him happy, no matter what.

"Well, I have missed being on that stage," Shuichi laughed. "And I'm ready for anything, so bring it on!"

"Hear hear," K said, looking a little tipsy. Everyone laughed, except for Sakano, who looked a little unnerved being so close to a half-drunk K. He inched away a little, only to have K pull him back and try to encourage the nervous-looking producer into singing "My Bonny Lies Over The Ocean" with him. Several minutes went by and then a man came in the room and told Shuichi that it was time.

Shuichi sighed and put his sparkling cider down. "Let's do this then," he said, smiling.

Hiro and Suguru grinned. Everyone in the room wished the band their best, their hands tapping on their beer bottles nervously. All were jittery except for K, who was lounging on the couch and weeping softly. He had decided to sing "My Bonny" by himself and it had made him cry. Sakano sat on the couch at K's feet, wishing he didn't have to be here. But hey, anything for the band.

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"Are they out here yet?" one girl asked her friend.

"No. I think they're like fixing up the lights or something."

As soon as the girl's friend had finished her sentence, the lights went down. The crowd started buzzing, then it turned to screaming in pleasure and delight as Bad Luck strolled out onto the stage. Well, Hiro and Shuichi strolled -- Suguru had already brought himself out five minutes earlier while the stage crew was working so he could tweak his keyboard for the show.

"Hey, everybody! Long time no see, huh?" Shuichi said, holding the mic up to his mouth. The crowd screamed in response.

"I hope everyone has a good time tonight!" Shuichi continued, grinning. "And if I do well enough, maybe the baby won't kick as hard, eh?"

Laughter rang throughout the theatre. Then the music kicked on and everyone yelled excitedly. This song was a new number that Hiro and Shuichi had been fiddling with, and it surprisingly had come out really well. Five minutes later, they started in on some of their old hits and the concert was soon in full blast, with the fans flailing around like crazy and Shuichi laughing in delight. They didn't hate him. How could he have thought that? Everyone still loved him and the band, despite their problems and Shuichi's pregnancy, which was what the singer thought would definitely turn the public off to him. But in actuality, it had just left them yelling for more.

He was still Shuichi, after all.

After more than half an hour of performing, the band took a fifteen-minute break and went to the back for refreshments. Shuichi helped himself to plenty of food, even though he wasn't that hungry. But he was eating for two, after all.

As Shuichi ate some potato chips, Ryuichi Sakuma came bouncing up to him, looking very much like an overexcited five-year-old.

"Shu-chan! You were amazing! It was the best I've seen of you guys in a long time! Right, Kumagoro? " Ryuichi said, waving his bunny about.

"Thanks," Shuichi replied, his voice slightly muffled from the amount of potato chip in his mouth.

"Do you think it's a good idea to be eating so much, Shu-chan?"

"I'm not the only one who gets hungry anymore," Shuichi chuckled, patting his stomach. He opened up a water bottle and starting drinking from it.

"Okay, well -- you do your best out there, like you've been doing already! And then at the encore we can sing together!"

"Wha -- ?" Shuichi spilled some water down his front. Then he grinned sheepishly.

"Well, I -- yeah! That'd be awesome! It's an honour, Sakuma-san, really."

"Lets start rockin'! You ready Shuichi?" Hiro said as he started going back onstage.

Shuichi nodded and put his water bottle down. He was feeling a little woozy, but he shook it off. It was probably nothing.

He went back on, and the lights dimmed as the opening notes for _Into The Moonlight _rang throughout the stadium. He started in on the song, knowing that Yuki could hear it even though he wasn't in the audience. He smiled as he sang, feeling every ounce of love that these fans were giving the band. It felt so good, and he waned to go on singing to them forever, because it made him happy as well.

Unfortunately, his body didn't think this was such a good idea.

Shuichi suddenly broke out into a sweat, and the crowd was becoming one big blur.

_Ohh...this cannot be happening.  
_

He was almost done with the song, too.

Before he could push himself to go any further, Shuichi starting losing both balance and consciousness and he fell backwards in a slow, graceful fashion. He didn't hit the ground, though -- Ryuichi was standing behind the curtains, and he rushed out to catch the popstar before he had collapsed entirely.

"Shu-chan…Wakey, wakey….Shu?"

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(They're _both _made of jelly, then. Can it be strawberry-flavoured, pls?)


	12. Other feelings

turn twelve: other feelings

**turn twelve: other feelings**

**  
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_His greasy fingers strung together and stretching 'cross the sky.  
A skunk that scratches, and is leather a sign from up on high?  
And shivering, we cling together and watch it pass us by --  
for falling like a spiny feather the tears begin to cry.  
_- "Yeti" by Caribou

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"He really -- _ow -- _needs to stop -- _ow -- _singing that damn song."

"Why?"

"He collapses every time he does it, that's why!"

Hiro clutched Shuichi's feet while Ryuichi held the singer around the middle, looking extremely worried while Hiro's expression was merely of annoyance. Partly because Shuichi had collapsed yet again, and also because he kept bumping into random things while they walked to the dressing room. Meanwhile, Suguru was out there telling the fans that they were sorry, but Shuichi had collapsed under stress and the show could not continue, we hope to see you at the next concert and we hope you had fun, goodnight.

Suguru wheeled himself offstage, looking exasperated. He went into the dressing room and shut the door with his hand, staring at Shuichi while Hiro pressed a cold cloth to the singer's forehead. Suguru shook his head and sighed, wheeling backward to the nearby table and picking up a magasine. Sakano walked in and helped watch over Shuichi, tut-tutting over the boy's delicate condition.

Just then, Yuki came in.

"He's gonna be okay, right?" Ryuichi was whimpering, clutching Kumagoro.

"Of course he'll be okay," Yuki snapped. "I knew this concert was a bad idea. But did anyone listen to me? Oh, _no._"

"You'll help take care of him, won't you, Yuki-san?" Sakano asked, pushing up his glasses nervously.

"I do that pretty much all day, everyday. I think I deserve a little break. You guys have him, right? I have a meeting."

Hiro looked positively outraged as Yuki walked out. He left the cold cloth on Shuichi's head and ran out after the blonde.

"Wait! WAIT!"

Yuki stopped walking and turned around.

"...So you're just going to leave him here?" Hiro snapped.

Yuki shrugged. "It looks that way, doesn't it?"

"Dammit, Yuki! Shuichi just collapsed and he could be sick! Or don't you care, because you think you -- deserve a break or whatever you said -- since you've always been taking care of Shuichi since he got pregnant?"

Yuki raised his eyebrows.

"Well, aren't you the one to always hit the nail on the head?"

Hiro stared. He could not believe how selfish and awful this man was being.

"You done?"

The guitarist said nothing. A muscle in his jaw was jumping.

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Yuki walked out, leaving Hiro to seethe silently. He could imagine how upset this would make Shuichi. And he hated seeing his best friend so unhappy.

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Hiro called a private limo over and he lay Shuichi down in the long seat once it arrived. Ryuichi hovered over them precariously, not exactly sure what to do. Hiro motioned for him to enter the limo with him, and he slid inside, taking Shuichi's head and placing it in his lap in a cautious fashion. The driver took off down the road after Hiro shut the door. They sat there in silence, Ryuichi chewing on his lower lip.

"I'm thinking that Yuki was right," Hiro said suddenly after fifteen minutes.

"Right about what?"

"He said that this was our fault."

"…Did he?"

"Well, not directly. But implications mean everything with him," Hiro sighed, leaning back in his

seat. Ryuichi bit his lip nervously, pushing back the sweat-matted hair from Shuichi's drenched forehead.

"Why would it be our fault?" Ryuichi whispered.

"Because we pushed him to do the encore. He even kept telling me that he didn't want to, or felt too worn out…something along those lines," Hiro said in a very subdued way.

Ryu's face sagged in sadness.

"If I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn't have ever told Shuichi that I would sing with him…I mean -- I would love to sing with him, but if he wasn't up to it I would have done things differently...poor Shuichi!" Ryuichi whined as Hiro scooted over to the other side and sat where Shuichi's feet were. The two of them were soon driven off, with their friend between them.

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Upon arriving at the house, the first thing Hiro noticed was Yuki's car.

_Wait. What?_

The novelist had mentioned a meeting, didn't he?

"Something is going on," Hiro murmured as he got out of the car. "Ryuichi-san, watch Shuichi for a few minutes."

"But – where are you going?" Ryuichi asked as he looked outside the window.

"Because Yuki is hiding is something." Hiro stormed up to Yuki's apartment, opening the door with a frightful force.

"Yu…ki?"

Shuichi finally came to, his eyes half-open and his speech slurring.

"Shindou-san! You're awake!" Ryuichi exclaimed, squeezing the worn-out boy.

"Ryuichi-san….I can't -- breathe…" Shuichi mumbled.

"Oh right! Right!" Ryuichi released him, feeling a little bad.

"Where are we?" Shuichi asked as he looked around, his stomach flooding with excitement.

Then he remembered what had happened at the show.

"Ryu-chan, what happened after the concert? What did everyone do? The fans, they…"

Shuichi shook Ryuichi a little bit, looking desperate. Ryuichi smiled and stilled the small pop star, his expression calm.

"They thought nothing of it. They know how tired and worn out you are…you have some great fans!" he said, giving Shuichi the thumbs-up.

"He's not here," a familiar voice called out. Shuichi turned to see Hiro coming back down the driveway. "He's not here, but his car is. I don't get it."

"Who isn't here? What are you talking about, Hiro?" Shuichi asked, confused.

"Yuki's car. _It's _here, but _he's _not," Hiro said, helping Shuichi out of the car.

"Yuki didn't tell me that he had somewhere else to go…do you think he left me?" Tears  
formed in Shuichi's eyes as his lower lip trembled.

Hiro just rolled his eyes at his overdramatic friend.

"I don't think he'd do that, Shuichi!" Ryuichi said as he got out of the car, clutching his rabbit.

"Really, Ryu-chan?" Shuichi's eyes went big as Hiro hit his own forehead with the palm of his hand.

"I have no doubt Shuichi. But for now we're going take you upstairs to rest a bit," Ryuichi said.

"But -- I have to find Yuki!"

"Don't you think you should worry about Yuki's baby before gallivanting after a lover who is most likely at work?" Hiro asked sternly, crossing his arms.

"But I want Yuki!" Shuichi whined, tears now rolling down his face.

"Don't cry, Shuichi," Ryuichi said. "Uh…um…here! You can hold Mr. Kumagoro!" he exclaimed, thrusting the drool-drenched bunny at Shuichi. The pink-haired boy ignored the dried spit and held onto the rabbit, his grip on the arms vicelike.

"Let's get upstairs, huh?"

As soon as they entered the front door the phone began to rang, and Shuichi almost immediately stopped crying. He gave Mr. Kumagoro back to Ryuichi as he ran to the phone.

"Yuki? Yuki? Is that you my Yuki? You were worried about me, weren't you?" Shuichi said excitedly, thinking that maybe, for once, his lover had actually cared about his feelings and bothered to call. He gripped the phone tightly, eager to hear Yuki.

"Regretfully, Shindou-san, Eiri is the reason I called."

Seguchi's solemn voice rang in Shuichi's head and his heart plummeted several feet.

"Seguchi-san, did something happen to my Yuki?" Shuichi asked, panicking.

"Eiri is in the hospital, Shindou-san. It seems as though the stress of the baby, his work and you have really taken effect on him. He was with his publisher when he coughed up blood and started to shake."

Shuichi felt his world shatter. _No, no, no, no…_

"I must have a meeting with you later Shindou-san, about your expectancy, and the effects it is having on Eiri," Tohma said in a businesslike fashion. Shuichi just stood there, frozen. He felt as though this was all his fault.

"Shindou-san?"

"I…understand…" he replied in a quiet voice. "I'll be there as soon as I ca --"

"No, that will not be necessary, Shindou-san. After today's concert, you do need your rest. I'll meet you tomorrow morning – we have much to discuss."

Tohma hung up the phone before giving Shuichi a chance to respond. Shuichi clutched to the phone, sweating slightly he put it down.

"Shuichi? What's going on?" Hiro asked when he saw the worried expression upon his friend's pale face.

"It's Yuki -- he's in the hospital…" Shuichi hung his head, looking crestfallen.

Hiro looked at him, concerned.

"Then let's go see him!" Ryuichi suddenly exclaimed. "I mean, the limo is still outside and everything!"

"Seguchi-san t-told m-me not to g-go!" Shuichi choked out, his eyes spilling tears.

"Now why would he say something like that?" Hiro pondered aloud.

"We'll stay with you for now, Shuichi. _We_ don't want you to be lonely!" Ryuichi said, trying to comfort the younger man.

"He's right, Shuichi. Right now what you need is rest and something warm to drink," Hiro said as Ryuichi started to literally push Shuichi to the bedroom.

"But…I w-won't be able to s-sleep knowing that m-my Yuki is ill and alone w-w-without me…" Shuichi blubbered, feeling positively miserable. But a tiny voice went off in his head:

_Maybe it's better this way. Maybe you shouldn't see him. This could be your fault, you know._

Shuichi cried even harder.

"I'll lay right next to you Shuichi, and so will Mr. Kumagoro!" Ryuichi said heartily, holding the pink-haired boy close to him.

"I don't think you have to go that far, Sakuma-san," Hiro said, laughing nervously.

"But I must! Or else Shuichi will be lonely, and that's not something we want," Ryuichi said as he continued to inch Shuichi to the bedroom. Within seconds, Shuichi's crying had dwindled down to whimpers, and then nothing. Feeling a pang of sadness in his heart, Hiro sighed and went to the kitchen to make something for the three of them.

When he came back with a tray carrying tea and sandwiches, he saw a disturbingly blank and calm expression etched in Shuichi's face. Next to him was Ryuichi, already asleep and snoring like hell. Hiro put the tray down on the nightstand and sat down next to Shuichi, who had rested his hand on his womb.

"What are you thinking?"

"…It's my fault. The reason Yuki is stressed, I mean," Shuichi said in a quiet voice.

"This has happened before, Shuichi. It isn't your fault."

"But Tohma said it was because of me, and this baby…" he stifled a sob and sighed heavily, his chest hurting.

Hiro bit his lip, his temper flaring a little. _How dare he —?_

The guitarist sighed. "I'm sure Seguchi didn't mean it like that," he said, though he doubted his own words.

"But -- you should have heard him, Hiro…I have never Seguchi talk about Yuki like that."

"Like I said. I'm sure it's no big deal."

"Hiro, he's even coming over tomorrow to talk to me about the baby…"

"Well for now, get some rest, alright? You need it. And…we'll figure something out tomorrow," Hiro said calmly, rubbing Shuichi's forehead. The young man mumbled a thanks and quickly drifted off to sleep.

"Sleep well alright?" Hiro whispered with a smile, ignoring the uncomfortable anger already churning in his stomach. He stood up and went to sleep on the couch, putting the food and tea in the refrigerator before doing so.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

(Is Hiro gonna have to smack a ho?)


	13. The choice of Tohma Seguchi

* * *

Hey my wonderful readers!! Just wanted to thank the 5 people who have reviewed the last chapter so far hopefully I'll be getting more in a bit but I wanted to thank you guys again and wanted to show you that make next chapter is up on the day I said it would be! So here ya guys go I hope you like this chappie! Oh and just a heads up: I am the queen of cliffies so enjoy while you guys can muahhahahaha

A few hours later, Hiro had been in the living room watching one of their latest interviews that was on TV when Seguchi comes in.

"Good evening Mr. Nakano, I hope I am not intruding on anything. " The former president of N-G stated as he put his bag and umbrella by the front door.

"No. Not a thing." Hiro said as he switched off the television.

"I heard that Ryuichi was over here too." Seguchi said looking down the hall to where Yuki's room was.

"Yeah he's in there with Shuichi."

"Mr.Nakano, do you understand why I am here I'm sure Shuichi must have said something to you."

"As you and I know Shuichi isn't one to keep anything to himself. Of course he said something to us, but what exactly are you going to tell him."

"I should have spoken to Eiri about the baby first before releasing such information to the press. However, since he is Shuichi's lover and has gotten more close to him then anyone, I thought that I may be able to get away with giving such information to the press without Eiri's regard. I should have known better I suppose though." Seguchi said in a very calm way.

"What does that have to do with Shuichi, Mr. Seguchi?"

"That I must ask him to give up this baby."

"You can't ask Shuichi to do something like that. This is a rare occurrence and probably the best gift Mr.Yuki could ever give Shuichi."

"Yes, I understand that, but I don't believe it would do Eiri any good to be having this child in his current condition. "

"He's on medication, Mr.Seguchi. Certainly a child couldn't bring Mr.Yuki that much pain."

"I'm sorry Mr.Nakano, but Eiri has never been one to want or to have a child. This is just an inconvenient for him and one more thing he does not need to worry about. I can only permit that this relationship between Eiri and Mr.Shindou go so far. Having a child, Mr.Nakano is over stepping such bounds. I know that this is a rare occurrence however; it's not one I would like to associate with N-G Studios."

" Don't you think its to late for that Mr.Seguchi? You have already announced it the press."

"Which is why there is going to be a press conference about it. I'm going to state that it was just my imagination getting the best of me and false medical reports from Mr.Shindou's doctor." Seguchi said in his usual business like calmness.

" With all do respect Mr.Seguchi, you can't expect Shuichi to truly go threw with getting rid of his child."

"If that is the case then he is still going to work extra hard to promote Bad Luck. Also he wouldn't be allowed to discuss any news of it on stage for if he does then N-G will deny such claims and the popularity of Bad Luck with decrease to the delusional singers thought of him actually carrying a child."

" YOU CAN'T GIVE ME THOSE AS MY OPTIONS!" Shuichi bust in the room obviously apparent, that he was listening.

" Good you were listening Mr.Shindou. I wont have to repeat myself then. If you don't like your options Mr.Shindou what do you propose."

Shuichi just stood there about to say something then closed his mouth. He really hadn't thought about it. What else could he do? How could he make this less stressful for Yuki? Yuki did tell him he could keep it but was it just so that he would shut up about it? Was it all just for him? He never really did ask Yuki whether or not he wanted this child but in some ways just brutally agreed even if he didn't like the idea he still went with the little pink haired singer on it.

" Did you ask Mr.Yuki what he thinks about all this?" Hiro asked putting his feet on the table such as Yuki had done when having a smoke.

" Eiri's opinion in this at this point does not matter. I have known Eiri for a long time and I know would he would like out of his life right now or anything that would be causing him more stress then needed. He has been apparently putting on a good façade for you lately Mr.Shindou."

" Mr.Seguchi, please leave…" Shuichi said not looking at the older man.

" If I must then but I really should be taking Ryuichi with me."

" TOHMA!" Ryuichi shouted jumping on top of his keyboardist.

"I see he wasn't any trouble for you Mr.Shindou. That would have been the least of your worries if he was."

" I was really good Tohma! I was taking a nap with my best friend Shuichi."

"I see. Ryu I suggest we leave, we do have rehearsal in twenty minutes." Seguchi said picking up his belongings by the door and Ryuichi did the same.

"Mr.Shindou your options are open until tomorrow afternoon when the press conference begins when you have come to a decision, please call me. Also at this point in time Eiri won't be home for a couple of days and I don't suggest you see him." Seguchi said as he started to leave.

" I understand…" Shuichi said in a monotone voice as the two musicians left.

" Shuichi?" Hiro asked as the younger teen singer shook slightly and tears began to fall to the floor.

"Y-Yuki…What have I done?" Shuichi looked up. " I have to find him, Hiro."

" Do you really think that it's a good idea in your condition."

" My condition has no important or meaning unless Yuki is by my side to help me through this." Shuichi said with utter love in his voice.

"And the baby?" Hiro asked.

"Uh…yeah about that…Can you drive me around to look for him?"

" Not tonight Shuichi. I have a date with Ayaka which I should be heading out for now." He said as Shuichi pouted.

" But I have to find him, Hiro!" Shuichi begged.

"For once in your life can you even think about the damn life inside of you?" Hiro yelled slightly by this Shuichi was taken aback by and started to cry.

"Why do you have to yell at me Hiro? I just want my Yuki to help me!" He whined.

" What do you think I'm doing? I should be out of here on my way to meet Ayaka but no I'm stuck here with a guy who doesn't think of anything other then what he wants? What's going to happen when you're a parent Shuichi? Still think about yourself like the way you are now? You don't even remember two months ago when you went to look for Yuki do you?" Shuichi shook his head.

" You got sick and Yuki got in an accident as well as costing Suguru his legs and screwing up my arm! How can you not remem-" At that moment Shuichi fell to the ground holding his head and holding another hand to his stomach.

"SHUICHI!" Hiro ran over to him. "We have to get you in bed."

" I WANT MY YUKI!" Shuichi shrieked as his hands grabbed his stomach.

"Shuichi I'm going to call the hospital…"

"No…Hiro…It's noth-" With not evening being able to finish his words the young boy fell to the ground, sweat beading from his face.

Hiro picked up the small boy, as he clutched his stomach and he took him to his bed or rather Yuki's bed. Once Hiro got him into bed he quickly called a house doctor that had been to Yuki's place before a few times just to check on the novelist. The doctor said that the baby might be coming to early and that Hiro should call an ambulance as soon as possible. Which is exactly what Hiro did, the doctor remained there to comfort the young boy as he moaned and clutched his stomach. The ambulance did soon arrive and soon they reached the hospital leaving Hiro to pace in the waiting room. Suguru soon came in along with their manager, 'K' as well as Sakano, the bands producer.

" Is Mr.Shindou alright? Have you heard anything?" Sakano said in an utterly panicked voice.

" I haven't heard a thing since I got here with him." Hiro said sitting down running his hands threw his hair.

" Have you told Mr.Yuki?" K asked, starting to pace himself.

"It doesn't matter if Mr.Yuki knows right now the importance of Bad Luck rests on Mr.Shindou's recovery."

" I just hope he didn't loose the baby it would have followed right into Mr.Seguchi's hand if that was the case."

"What are you taking about Hiro?"

" What does the President of N-G have to do with this?" Sakano asked nervously. Hiro had explained what had happened, as the eyes of all three of his co-workers popped out of their heads in hearing such things come from Seguchi. After hearing this about his idol, of course Sakano fainted.

" For Shuichi's sake I hope the baby is alright…"Hiro said putting his face in his palm.

" Well if Yuki is here we have to talk to him!" K barked as he took out his magnum.

"We can't, Seguchi said not to visit him like this and I would rather not loose our contract with N-G, at this point though frankly if we lost it I wouldn't care but for Shuichi that's the only reason we would be staying." Hiro said as he sat there in utter misery. As soon as that was said Ayaka ran in the room.

" Hiroshi is Shuichi alright?" Ayaka said as Hiro got up and wrapped his arms around her.

" Thank God you're here. I can rest a little easier I know that you got my message."

"I can't believe Seguchi would do something so horrible to Shuichi." She said not letting go of her love.

"Sakano, tell me you haven't notified Seguchi about this." K stated rather bluntly.

"I wanted to see how Shindou was first before I told him anything." Sakano said as a blatant puddle on the floor.

" Good. Well don't let him know why we'-" With the famous last words from K who should appear from around the corner but the former President himself.

" Why are all of you here?" He asked in a polite cool fashion in a very friendly type of way. Hiro wrapped an arm around Ayaka as he broke from her hug but still holding her hand.

"We're here to see Eiri Uesugi on behalf of Shuichi Shindou."

Well I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter it took me all weekend but as I promised to came out sorry it took longer then I expected so its just a tad late. Please guys REVIEW and READ and LOVE it because as you all know this is just…GRAVITATION!


	14. Yuki's troubles

Hey my loving fans! You know what I swear if all the people who read this chapter review I promise to read and review all of your stories and if you just read fan fictions for the love of Shuichi please just review! Thank you guys who do review I greatly appreciate it and I'm sure Mr. Kumagoro really like it too don't you Mr. Bear? Also guys sorry for the mix up here my fault :P I always loose track of what month he's in but he's in his third now ok! Just making clear and I will correct it in the earlier chappies thanks and sorry for my mistake.

"I'm afraid I cannot let you see Eiri?" Seguchi said his usual business like tone.

"We'll just ask the people at the front desk." Nakano said in an 'I don't care if you are my boss.' way.

"Why are you all so eager to visit Eiri? Besides if Mr.Shindou is here looking for Eiri, I told the guards to remove him from the hospital."

"Mr. President, you wouldn't really do that to Mr.Shindou would you?" Sakano said sweat dripping down his face.

"I would do anything to protect Eiri. And may I remind you that this is the second time Mr.Shindou has brought something like this upon Eiri." He said as if he was about to kill someone.

"I see you're still screwing around with my affairs Seguchi." A dark voice said from a corridor and as Seguchi turned around they all saw that Eiri Yuki was standing in the hallway with pack of cigarettes in one hand in dark purple pajamas.

"Eiri what are you doing out of bed? I told them not to let you out because you need the rest." Seguchi said in a more worrisome tone.

"Heh. I told them you dropped your wallet and I was just giving it back. Where as in reality all I wanted was some peace and a cigarette." Eiri said rather coldly, as he starts to notice everyone else in the lobby. "What is everyone else doing here, Seguchi? I told you, I don't want any company."

Hiroshi stepped forward and bowed slightly as his long hair covered his face as he came up from it and Ayaka held his arm tight as from behind Suguru gave a small glare at the girl.

"Mr. Yuki, there is something that we, Bad Luck would like to discuss with you about our friend Shuichi." Hiro said now looking at the man with a goal driven set in his eyes.

"Yeah what is it?" Yuki said fidgeting with his carton of cigarettes.

"Our friend Shuichi Shindou was taken to this hospital a little less then an hour ago because of complications with your baby."

With that said, Yuki's jaw dropped as did the carton from his hand.

"I just saw Mr.Shindou; he was fine when I went to talk to him."

"This was after your little discussion, Mr. Seguchi. We started talking about you were talking about and then all of a sudden he fell to the floor, clutching his stomach." Hiro said in a devastating kind of way. But after that being said the next they all heard was Seguchi being thrown against the wall.

"Mr.President!" Nakano yelled as he dashed to the wall where an imprint was left where the Presidents body hit.

"I'm alright Mr.Nakano…But Hiroshi you now see why I didn't want Eiri to know…" Seguchi said as blood dripped down his face.

"I told you…I'm not that little kid anymore…I don't need you anymore Seguchi…" Yuki said ignoring what he had just done. "Now what room is he in?"

"We don't know." Suguru finally said after what seemed to be about ten minutes.

"What?" Yuki asked in a harsh tone.

"The doctors haven't told us anything since we got here." K stated bluntly.

In a few moments Mika came in as she saw her husband on the floor, and Nakano dabbing his face with a cloth, ignoring the fact that her brother was out of his room.

"TOHMA! What happened?" She said getting to his level pushing Nakano out of the way taking over for him.

"Nothing to worry yourself about my dear. It seems I have overstepped my bounds and once again made your brother upset." Tohma said flinching slightly at Mika's touch where she hit the spot of the bleeding right on.

"Eiri how could you do something like this? After everything that Tohma has done for you?"

"Ask him. Let me know if you hear anything from the doctor I'-"A coughing fit struck the romance novelist as soon as it slowed he looked at his hands and saw red once again.

"As I said I'm going back to my room." He said in a way that would make anyone freeze.

"Eiri." Mika said getting up, once again letting Nakano take over addressing Tohma's now slowing down bleeding.

"Mika, please don't go after him." Tohma said weakly.

"But he did this to you! In a million years he wouldn't do this to you!" Mika said going down to his level once again.

"The cause of his stress…Is Mr.Shindou. I know that Eiri needs Mr.Shindou in his life but including a baby that is most likely going to take after Mr.Shindou is not what Eiri needs."

"Where is Shuichi? Wouldn't he be here after he heard what happened to Eiri?" Mika asked.

"I'm afraid Mr.Shindou doesn't know Mrs.Mika." Nakano said.

"I have had enough of this," She said as she helped her husband up from the ground and wrapping an arm around him to keep him steady. "When we get home you are going to tell me what's going on Tohma!" Mika said.

"I wouldn't have it any other way my dear." He said as the two of them soon walked out of the hospital and the others saw the guards leave with bumps on their heads from Yuki no less.

After about 3 hours of waiting in the lobby, the doctor finally came out to see them.

"Ah how nice it is to see Bad Luck waiting for their fallen fellow musician." The doctor said as he walked over to them.

"How is he?" Hiro asked as Ayaka squeezed his hand.

"Mr.Shindou is fine however; we almost lost one of the babies. Luckily we were able to get them both stabilized and seem to be fine now after Mr.Shindous panic attack."

"I'm sorry but what do you mean 'one of the babies' and 'both'" K asked holding his magnum to the doctors' head.

"It may be early in his process but we were able learn he was having twins, we just don't know their genders." The doctor said nervously as he was sure that he was going to be shot.

"None of you tell Seguchi this." K instructed while the others nodded in awe.

"Well you are all allowed to visit him however, he is sleeping. He was in hell for quite sometime and needs his rest so please be careful not to wake him. I'm going to tell Mr.Yuki the good news." The doctor said sliding out of K's grip.

"I'm sure he'll be happy to know that." Hiro said getting up. "Come on let's go see how Shuichi is doing." They all headed for the pink haired stars room.

The doctor soon entered the romance novelists' room. When he came in he saw that Yuki was looking at the blood he had coughed up on his hand.

" I brought your medication Mr.Yuki. This should help. It seems when we took tests on you it showed you hadn't taken your medicine in quite a while which is why this happened. So I suggest you start taking it again with two children on the way."

Yuki looked up at him.

" So…we're having two kids huh? I wonder how they are going to fit into someone as tiny as him. So the brats alright then?" Yuki said taking the pills from the doctor.

" Yes they will be twins and believe me they will find room…However, I would make sure that Mr.Shindou does as he is told and is not crazy enough to pull a stunt that he did when he was in his latest concert. This means he won't be able to be on stage for a while and stick to a strict diet of how much he should be in taking certain nutrients and everything else as well as a work out ritual which I'll have you start with him."

"What? " Yuki asked bewildered.

" From now on you won't smoke and get healthier for the sake of your children and Mr.Shiuchi. You see from second hand smoke his lungs where having problems and slightly effecting the babies as well. So from now on you won't be needing these." The doctor said taking the carton on the table and the one out of Yuki's mouth.

" What am I supposed to do to relax?" Yuki asked with his teeth gritted.

" I would suggest gum. Keeps your mouth occupied and to help wean you off the cigarettes you can also try patches as well as nicotine gum."

" So I'm stuck with cheap tricks to make myself feel better?"

"Mr.Yuki if you kept up with your chain smoking it would be the end for you and the family you are about to start."

" Why can't I just smoke on the damn balcony at my apartment."

" Would you like to see your children grow up?"

" I don't care about the damn brats. I already smoke out there because Shuichi wont let me smoke in the house anymore."

" I feel sorry for you, Mr.Yuki. I know about everything that happened to you in the states and about your mental health. This is another step in the right direction. You are at that point where if you continue to smoke, Mr.Yuki, I guarantee you will die within the next five years ."

"Doesn't bother me. I deserve to die anyway."

" Ah this is a relapse of that decision you made on coming back with Mr.Shindou isn't it? Look Mr.Yuki this is for you and a physician I recommend you do this other wise you be seeing that boy for much longer and you'll leave him with two kids as well as a band he's dedicated to. He even talks about you in his sleep, it's really rather cute. Do you really care for him as much as he does you Mr.Yuki? I'm taking these, but if you buy more its up to you I'm just giving you the best advice I can. Not to mention that your looks will fade and what happens when you're lonely and have no company because you're dying and ugly? What then?" The doctor said to his long time patient handing the blonde a list of things Shuichi and himself would need.

"You honestly expect me to sit here listening to that crap?"

" As I said Mr.Yuki take it or leave it. But I strongly urge quitting for, every ones sake. " The Doctor said leaving.

Yuki sat there with his eyes once again fixing to the window since he actually took the time to look at the doctor. With a heavy sigh he stood up and out of habit reached to where the carton used to be and once again gave a deep sigh.

"Bastard." Yuki said as he laid down and stared at the ceiling as a knock from the door woke him from his thoughts rather quickly.

"What?" He barked. Mika came in looking distraught and disturbed at the same time.

" How could you do that to Tohma?"

" Oh it's just you." Yuki said looking at her then back up at the ceiling.

" Don't give me that Eiri answer my damn question." She said coldly.

" It's his fault that Shuichi is in the hospital. He almost killed one of the babies…ours babies…" He said in distant type of voice.

" Babies? Please Eiri how do you expect me to believe that?"

" It's true. The damn brats having twins." Still gazing at the ceiling in a slight daze after say that.

" Really? I just saw Shuichi the others are starting to leave but Hiro isn't going anywhere for a bit. Be thankful you haven't seen him he looks horrible. But the matter is that you really hurt Tohma I had to call the family doctor and everything ."

" You answered your own question as to why I hurt him. He's always protecting me by hurting others…Seems to me like he just got a taste of what he deserved." Yuki said as his hand that wasn't behind his head was drumming angrily on the table next to his bed. This started to really bug his older sister.

"Would you stop that tapping Eiri. Look what you did was wrong and-"

"You're not mom Mika so don't give me that. Plus what else am I supposed to do? "

"Go outside for a smoke." Yuki didn't say anything as he moved and sat on the bed where he was laying down.

"Eiri?"

"What the hell do you want from me?" He said more coldly then usual to her.

" Eiri what has gotten into you?" She said in an appalled way.

" It's nothing…I'm sorry I spoke to you that way…Now please…just leave sister."

"Eiri please talk to me."

"No….if you stay I'm only going to displease you now please leave."

" I'm coming back tomorrow Eiri." Yuki said nothing as his sister left his room and he watched the light in his room grow dimmer and dimmer with the fading sun. Soon the sun had completely disappeared and he had not moved from when his sister came in. Even later in the night he hadn't moved much except to go under the covers and go to sleep

In the middle of the night though, he heard people moving a bed into his room .

"Quiet please the other patient in here is asleep." He heard a doctor say turning on the light where Yuki squinted when it came on as his eyes adjusted. But the next thing he heard was the curtain that separated his room was being pulled as the other patient with brought in. After a bit he heard the team of doctors and nurses leave and heard someone breathing lightly.

_"So they decided to give me company…I'll just ask for a private room." _ Yuki thought as he was trying make out the small sounds the person beside him was saying.

"Yuki…" Was the only thing he heard and with that he got out of his bed and went to see who was behind that curtain. When he learned who it was his heart stopped or burst into flames.

"Shuichi…" He said barely above a whisper as he sat on his young loves bed and caressed his face softly completely unaware he was doing so. This however, woke up his young love..

" Yuki…? When did you come home?" Shuichi asked quietly and weakly. Yuki quickly withdrew his hand as a deep blush crossed his face which lucky for him, Shuichi couldn't see in the dark.

" You brat, we're not at home."

"Oh. Then where are we Yuki?" Shuichi said trying to sit up flinching lightly.

" Don't get up."

"Why?"

" You had a panic attack and it got to the babies and you wound up coming to the hospital."

" Babies? Yuki you mean baby."

"Nope. Babies."

"You mean we're having two babies?"

" Yeah."

" I see." Shuichi said as he laid back down to the best of his abilities.

"What?"

"You don't like it right? That I'm having two now. It doesn't help you stress at all either if anything it just adds more doesn't it? I mean it isn't too late if you want to not have them Yuki." Tears began to swell in Shuichi's eyes saying that. But all the response from Yuki was a warm passionate kiss.

" I'll have to get used to it won't I?" Yuki asked seductively with a slight smile on his face, one of the rare moments when he did.

" Yuki…" Shuichi said with his face turning pink. "Do you think they will have enough room in there? This thin tummy wont be this way much longer Yuki. Will you still love me when it's bigger?"

"Shut up." Yuki said kissing the younger man more passionately then ever as of late. Shuichi soon wound up falling asleep within Yuki's grasp for once and soon even Yuki, himself, found himself comfortable in bed with his love.

The End!

Well that's it guys that's the end I hope you liked it. I thought it was cute just to end there what do you guys think? MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA SIKE! I love teasing you all please remember to R&R this is the longest chappie yet and I hope you guys enjoy and keep reading! Love you all! Rachel!


	15. All alone

Hey guys I want to thank my best friend RuteOdyssey for editing and being the co writer of this fanfic since now she is my beta. So Ima jump in this before I like completely loose my inspiration. And apologize for my absence…

Yuki woke up in the middle of the night feeling something move under his hand. Shuichi felt his blond lover move his hand from the young mans stomach.

"What is it, Yuki?" Shuichi said half awake.

"The damn things in your stomach just kicked me." He said turning over facing his back to Shuichi.

"Did they? That must have been what had waken me up. You were the first one to feel it, Yuki. We felt it together." Shuichi said yawning as he pressed against the back of his novelist and wrapped his arm around Yuki before falling back to sleep.

Unable to sleep that night Yuki left the hospital without anyone knowing. He had no idea how he was going to take care of two kids or the big kid he decided Shuichi was. The blond man stopped by a corner store where he could by cigarettes to relieve the tension he had been feeling over the last few days. Yuki had been craving the damn things since the doctor had taken them away from him.

_I have been in hell for the last five months soon to be six and the fucking brats aren't even born yet. _Yuki thought as entered the store. It was a quaint little store with white ceilings and freezers in the back. The novelist leaned on the sheik counter as he threw his money at the clerk and demanded his cigarettes. Yuki walked to the park on a brisk March morning. The naked trees making him, feel as empty as they were. Soon finding him at the same place where he had first met the pop singer, taking a seat on the bench looking out into the distant. It was still mid night so no one could have known he snuck out this far. He walked lightly to the rail across the bench, gazing at the different colors and sounds coming from the city ahead, an unlit cigarette in his mouth. At the moment, Yuki realized that he wasn't equipped to be a parent and the thought scared him even more now the there were two on the way. So he lit up the cigarette and gazed in thought.

_Tomah was right…Fucking bastard was right. _He ran his hands down his face. When he felt the babies move it finally clicked to him that it wasn't just a nightmare but truly the reality that he was given. With this thought thoroughly nagging inside of him, he didn't return to the hospital but returned to the apartment where he and Shuichi had been living. The young novelist began packing all he could stuff into two duffle bags. The apartment he decided to leave for Shuichi and the children while he left that life with them as he would pick up a new life else where. All that remained in the house was the classic furniture: a deep maroon couch, TV on a brown cabinet, kitchen supplies, the bed the two of them had shared numerous times now naked in the room. Not a trace of him remained in the house, every possession he owned he had already taken so there was no sign that Eiri Yuki had ever lived in that apartment; not even a note or word to his beloved pink tufted pop star.

"YUKI!" Shuichi screamed from a bad dream. As he looked around the hospital room that was usually white was now pitch black and whatever warmth Shuichi had gotten from Yuki was now gone.

"Yuki," He whined. "I just had a bad dream." Still trying to see through the darkness, unable to see anything.

"Oh I know what you're doing Yuki! You're playing a night game of hide n seek in the dark! Did you sneak over to my bed?" He attempted to jump on the bed in the dark and missing, as the curtains that split the room up came crashing down around him.

"Guess you weren't hiding behind the curtain," Shuichi said rubbing his knees where he had fallen in the floor along with the curtain. Trying to regain his composure, he held his hands out discovering what could be in front of him. The young pink haired man soon found himself running into a bed frame. Ah. Once again his first goal to begin with. This time when jumping he didn't miss as he hit the bed.

"Yuki?" Shuichi asked as he felt the bed. "Come on now Yuki, this game is getting old." Shuichi said as he switched on the light.

"Yu…ki?" Tears swelled in his eyes as he gazed around the white, sickening room where no Yuki could be found.

With his new found conclusion, he ran out of the room screaming 'Yuki's missing, Yuki's missing' waking pretty much every poor sap within the hospital. Nurse Koneko, who worked close with Doctor Chidori, was sitting at the nurses' station listening to who knew what on her ipod, unable to hear Shuichi's screaming until she looked up.

"What the hell are you doing up at this hour, Shuichi? You should be sleeping like everyone else in the hospital." She said observing his panicked look on his face and she sighed.

"What is it this time, Shuichi?"

"Yuki left…" He said almost inaudibly but just enough for her to hear him.

"Pft. That's a laugh Shuichi. As weird as you guys are that man would never think of leaving you."

"THEN WHERE THE HELL IS HE?" Shuichi screamed at the top of his lungs as tears violently rolled down his face.

"I'll get security to have a look on the monitors ok Shuichi, and I don't care who you are don't you ever talk to me like that again you hear me boy?" As she walked Shuichi back to his room,

"You keep this shit up and something bad is going to happen to those babies before they're even born so you better get your ass calmed down and get into bed." Koneko demanded as a crying Shuichi lay abandoned in the bed that smelled so much like his lover before he disappeared.

"Sleep Shuichi, we'll find that damn prick."

"He's not a prick so stop staying bad stuff about my YUKI!"

Koneko just rolled her eyes as the boy continued to cry at this point she had no idea what to do since a patient just so blatantly just walked out.

"Shuichi, I'll get the doctor, she'll help prevent a panic attack and like I said I'll have security check over the tapes." Clinging to his pillow that was covered in Yukis' scent all the star could do was just nod. Koneko had left the room and this time Shuichi had felt more alone then he ever had before. He was alone, in a hospital room that up till seconds ago he and his boyfriend shared together even if only for a brief period of time.

"Yuki…" Tears pouring down the boys face as like all the life that was concealed within had grown dark. His heart breaking as the seconds went by with the realization that Yuki was gone…_He_ didn't run away this time, it was Yuki. The day before seeming like a dream come true that Shuichi had always wanted but the hellish fate seemed to mock him as even as he breathed in Yukis' now faint scent, images of the times the two had shared and their misadventures, but after all that…

_He's gone this time, babies. He's really gone. Shuichi didn't want to stay in a hospital room that could only make him think of the one he truly wanted to be with. The young, afraid teen began packing, hurriedly for if he didn't the Doctor would come in and order him to relax, sleep, dream happy thought but how the hell could he do any of those things when the only thing he cared about left him for reasons he didn't know or understand. He managed to sneak out before the Doctor came in and as he past the busy nurses station, for all of them were searching the securities tapes, he dashed out the doors himself and left the hospital with his bag. _

_His breath already making as a cloud as he breathed and he shivered in the coldness of December. The singer was able to get a cab and take him back to his apartment, desperately hoping that it was just hormones that lead him to believe that his love had left him. How wrong he was. Once he arrived at apartment the singer ran up to his room as quickly as possible and opened the door, lights were off and he didn't pay any mind to the fact that Yuki's car was no longer in the drive way beneath the building._

"_Yuki," He screamed even thought it was dead of night. "Yuki!"_

_No response was heard as he held back his tears rushing to the study. When he opened the door to the study, his hopes had sky rocketed knowing that his most beloved would be typing away on his laptop. But once he had come to his complete senses, he realized that he was the only person in the room._

_When he switched the light on a terrible site caught his eyes. Yuki's laptop wasn't there as he dashed to the desk opening up every drawer, tying to find anything, anything at all proving that Yuki was still in his life. But when he opened all the drawers and found nothing, his heart sank to the pits of his stomach. Shuichi dashed out the door and started running around Tokyo in the dead of night screaming Yuki's name as he ignored the angry yells from people who were trying to sleep but he just yelled back._

"_Shut the hell up! I'm looking for Yuki!" The star continued to run as he found himself sitting on the park bench shivering, once again neglecting to put anything on to keep him warm. It had been the same park bench and same place as where Yuki was all those hours ago._

"'_You running away again?" He heard a voice from behind him._

"_Hiro? How'd you fine me?" Shuichi said in an uncharacteristically low, sad voice._

"_Hospital was alerting everyone both you and Yuki knew." Hiro said as he draped a blanket over his friend's shoulders and Shuichi just looked up at him._

"_Figured you weren't smart enough to bring a jacket since you were so worried about Yuki."_

"_So you brought me a blanket instead. Yuki never would have done that for me." Shuichi said in the same tone._

"_How the fuck do you know Yuki is really gone this time?"_

"_He took everything, Hiro. His laptop, papers he stuffed in his desk even if they didn't mean anything. Am I really that worthless?" Shuichi asked looking up at the sky, unable to cry anymore._

"_Shuichi…" Hiro just starred at the younger man unable to really say anything else._

"_After everything that has happened, Seguchi was right."_

"_Don't say that Shuichi."_

"_But he was Hiro, don't you see Yuki's gone. I'm alone, Hiro" Those words echoing in his head making him slightly dizzy._

"_You have Fujisaki and myself plus everyone but Seguchi at N-G." Hiro said._

"_I'm quitting the band, Hiro."_

"_What the fuck?"_

"_Without Yuki here I will have to take care of these children by myself and if we were touring or having late night gigs no one would be there to take care of them. You see, I am alone." _

_Shuichi then got up and started heading back to the apartment, leaving Hiro speechless, well more like beyond, beyond speechless as his pink haired friend walked away huddled in the warmth of the blanket. _

_When he finally reached the apartment, after abandoning his friend in the park he went to the now empty bedroom as he gazed over the now naked bed._

" _I'm alone now." Shuichi said as he fell on the bed the blanket from Hiro still wrapped tightly around him as he laid on the empty bed. Pictures that Yuki had, had of them on his dresser now gone, Shuichi walked over to the dresser hoping there would be clothes left in there for him since now he couldn't wear any of his own. But not to his surprise there wasn't a thing left within the drawers. His phone lay in his hand as he tried to call Yuki. However, this time the voice on the other end said: " We're sorry but the number you have dialed isn't in service." Making the young man click off the phone. The teen singer walked somberly into the kitchen, where at least, Yuki had left him a full refrigerator and completely full pantry. _

_The boy took out a tub of ice cream. At this point not really caring what he ate except that he needed something cold and comforting but that only made him think of Yuki. Although, he never really thought of Yuki as ice cream before. Half way through the tub of ice cream he was starting to get tired and soon fell asleep on the couch leaving the tub about as the noises from the TV had lulled him to sleep._

_A knocking woke him as he lingered to the door._

"_Go away." He said threw the closed door._

" _I think not Mr.Shindou." Seguchi said from the other side._

" _I have nothing to say to you." The star said quietly._

"_May I come in. There are some things we should discuss." Shuichi regrettably let the man in._

" _What do you want?" Shuichi said rubbing his eyes. _

" _To tell you where Yuki is…"_


	16. Burn

turn sixteen: burn

**turn sixteen: burn**

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_As the infinite stops cold,  
just nine and the six are gone.  
Guess I was the one to  
ride that dirty ride  
that is turning so fast now.  
I cannot hold on,  
but at this pace,  
who'd want, who'd want to?_

- "Kill Caustic" by AFI

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Yuki rubbed his eyes and coughed several times, taking another drag on his cigarette.

He looked around his hotel room, bored and tired. And feeling something else, but he didn't really know what it was. Or rather, he was afraid of what this feeling could be.

_I don't need this bullshit drama anymore. All it's doing is ruining my life.  
_

A little voice in his head prodded him, telling him how awful and inconsiderate he was being. He tried ignoring it, but Yuki knew it was true. He had just taken off without a word, without holding Shuichi, without telling him how sorry he was but he just couldn't be a father right now. It was...well, it was beyond him. He wouldn't know what to do with a kid. _Two _kids. Really, it was just too much.

_You could learn, _the little voice said. _You could at least try. You're not really trying, you know that?  
_

"Fuck it."

Yes, he could try, but what good would that do? He didn't know anything about this. He would just fuck it all up, like he usually did. No, the brat was better off without him. He really was.

_And that other thing?  
_

Yuki shook his head. He didn't want to think about that. No one needed to know right now.

Yuki crushed out his cigarette and got out of bed, slipping on some shoes. He needed to get out of here for a bit. He walked briskly out of his room on the second floor and strode to the elevator, pressing the down button several times.

The doors finally slid open. Yuki stepped inside, ignoring the people who were coming in behind him. He pressed the button for the ground floor and watched the doors close, his reflection sliding into place. He briefly glanced at the couple who had just walked in and nearly flipped a shit.

He had come to escape his pregnant boyfriend and what have you, it was a pregnant girl and her dorky-looking husband.

_...It NEVER ENDS.  
_

Yuki clenched his teeth and ignored the couple's endless giggling and hugging, their happiness at having a child fully expressed on their stupid youthful faces. Yuki couldn't _stand _young couples like this. Sure, life's great now. You're twenty-something, you think life's just gonna be great with a house and a picket fence and a chubby little brat of your own. Then the trouble starts, and someone gets to binge drinking, and the other becomes a neurotic mess and the kid grows up to be either a pacifist or a Nazi.

Yuki chuckled at his own twisted logic.

_You're twenty-something, you know, _his conscience nagged.

_Yeah, but I'm smarter, _he thought smugly. But something was empty of that statement -- he knew it wasn't completely true. But he didn't care.

The doors slid open as soon as they reached the lobby, and Yuki walked out, eager to get away from those people and their burning smiles.

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"...You know where Yuki is?"

"I wouldn't be here otherwise."

Shuichi jumped off of the couch and opened up the door to see a very calm Seguchi, who was wearing a furry coat and a frown.

"It's about time," Seguchi said, walking in without being invited. Shuichi closed the door and turned the lamp on. Seguchi perched on the edge of the couch, looking very morose.

"Where is he?" Shuichi pleaded silently, grabbing a pouf and sitting across from Seguchi. "Please, tell me where he is."

Seguchi shook his head.

"You need to understand something first, Shuichi-san."

"What the hell else is there to understand? Yuki left because he doesn't care! He left me alone, in this fucking apartment, all by myself and I have no real means of support, I have to stop working --" he pointed to his womb -- "because of _this, _and I just -- I can't do this by myself, Seguchi-san! I really can't!"

"I know, Shindou-san," Seguchi said, ignoring the young man's hysteria. "Just hear me out.

"Eiri didn't leave just because he didn't care. But you're right. He doesn't care. Because he doesn't know how to care. This is a very awkward situation for him, and his logic is that if he doesn't know how to do something, then abandon it and let others take care of it."

"That's some twisted logic."

"Indeed, but it's the only way Eiri knows how to think. He's not used to being needed so badly, not even after being with you for so long. And he was afraid of letting you down. That's also why he left."

Shuichi stared.

"And now he's away from you, and he thinks it's for the best. He was afraid of becoming a bad father and letting you and your children down. He didn't want you to be miserable."

Shuichi thought that this situation was starting to echo something that had happened months ago. His mind flashed back to when he was laying on that park bench, cold and alone, pleading that Yuki would understand his need to leave.

"But then he's being an idiot."

Seguchi was caught off guard at Shuichi's words.

"How do you figure?"

"Because he knows that I know him like a book. I see his flaws, I know his mistakes, I know how he trips up. And I also know how to help him out, you know? Point out what's going wrong. Help him correct himself. I haven't been in this relationship just to dick around and ignore the rest of what Yuki is. I've been with him because I _want _to know more. And I've learned a hell of a lot. And he should know that I wouldn't get upset if he screwed up somewhere along the line of us raising these babies. I mean, come on. No one's born knowing how to be a parent. It's something you have to learn."

Shuichi stopped, feeling very awkward all of a sudden. Never before had he waxed something so philosophical in his life. Well, okay, maybe he had, once or twice, but he supposed those times didn't count since alcohol was involved.

"That's...probably one of the more smarter statements you've ever made, Shindou-kun."

The young man smiled sheepishly. "I guess...in times like this...you start saying things you thought you'd never say. Because of how serious it is."

"How serious what is?"

"Oh...any situation you're in that's serious...I guess?"

Seguchi smiled warmly. "I suppose, yes."

Shuichi stood up. "Can we please go see Yuki now?"

Hesitating, Seguchi got up and sighed. "Here's the thing, Shindou-kun. It'll take five hours just to get there."

"So he didn't go to New York, then," Shuichi said, sighing in relief.

"No, surprisingly, he didn't," Seguchi said. "But he did go to Tokyo."

Shuichi stared.

"Why the hell would he go to fucking Tokyo? He hates Tokyo! It's too noisy and everyone's always in his way and..."

"I don't understand it either, Shindou-kun, but that's where he is," Seguchi replied, gathering himself and walking to the door. "So if you're intent on seeing him, I suggest getting dressed. Now."

Shuichi looked down at his flimsy shorts and dirty t-shirt. He nodded, and ran to the room to get changed. Seguchi leaned against the door, hoping that Yuki hadn't checked out of his hotel room yet. He regretted this whole thing; he hated knowing that he was the one who was mostly responsible for this fiasco. He just _had _to do it, didn't he? He had to open up his mouth and tell the whole world, "Ooh, guess who's gonna have a baby!"

_I always get people in trouble, _Seguchi thought to himself, slightly amused.

He looked at his watch. It was a quarter to eight, and he still hadn't eaten breakfast. But he supposed it could wait. He _was _going to enjoy a fruit salad this morning, but then his phone rang, and on the other end had been Yuki, who sounded irritable and slightly stuffy, like he had a cold, or maybe he had just been crying out of stress and anger at himself.

Seguchi knew it had to be the latter. Shindou-kun wasn't the only one who read Yuki like a book.

After Yuki had mentioned where he was and why he was there, Seguchi knew he had two options. Either keep this information quiet and let Shuichi suffer on his own, or tell Shuichi where Yuki was and leave out the details for fear of alarming the young popstar into an irreversible hysteria. And a hysterical Shuichi Shindou at seven in the morning was not something he felt like experiencing at the moment.

_Maybe Yuki will grow up a little and tell Shindou-san himself.  
_

Tohma hoped so.

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It was nearing noon as Yuki munched on a pretzel and ignored the passerby, thinking silently to himself. He thought earlier of going to Ameyoko and getting himself a shirt for a good price, but he figured that the noise and the crowd would just be too much. Plus, he stuck out like a sore thumb since he looked as American as Brad Pitt, and he didn't feel like enduring anyone's stares.

So now he was in Ueno Park, and he actually didn't mind it that much. There was less noise, save for a group of kids getting excited over a zebra accepting the food they had given it. Yuki walked around for a bit, trying not to think too much.  
He went near the bridge by the waterfront, but avoided going directly towards the bobbing waves. He didn't feel like looking at himself in the water -- he would see and feel nothing but disappointment. He ignored a _hanami _party and finished his pretzel, throwing it in the trash. Yuki thought of taking the train back up to his hotel when he heard a peculiar noise.

_"Mrowr."  
_

Yuki looked down and saw a white cat walking around his ankles. It looked very much like Nyanko-toro, but Yuki knew it wasn't her.

"Beat it," he snapped, walking away from the cat. Yuki continued to walk, until he reached a full parking lot and noticed something else.

Something was making a noise, something was..._beeping.  
_

Yuki glanced around nervously, and thought he caught something blinking out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to a blue Honda, and looked down.

There was something attached on the bottom...a thick device, not unlike a hockey puck. Upon closer inspection, Yuki saw that it had nothing on it but a little red light.

And it was blinking. And the device was beeping.

And it seemed to be...beeping and blinking faster.

Yuki realised what the hell was going on.

He turned around and, without thinking, ran as fast as he could towards the lake below the bridge.

As soon as he had jumped, the Honda exploded.

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Seguchi switched the heat on and continued down the highway. They were already four hours out and the time had surprisingly gone along a lot quicker than Seguchi thought it would.

Shuichi rode shotgun, and he had fallen asleep while reading a magasine. Tohma tugged it out of Shuichi's hands now and tossed it in the backseat, keeping an eye on the road.

He suddenly stopped short before he smacked the bumper of the car in front of him.  
"Damn," Seguchi said. Getting nervous with the white noise filling the car, he switched on the radio.

"...and they're still investigating that. In other news, an explosion occurred thirty minutes ago at Ueno Park, just south of the National Science Museum and the Ueno Park Zoo. Witnesses indicate that the only person they saw near the explosion site was a young man named Eiri Uesugi, also known as Eiri Yuki. Many people will recall the famous romance novelist having gone through some serious problems in the last few months, one of which entailed a two-week-long stay at the Kosei Nenkin Hospital in Osaka. Eiri Yuki-sama was taken to the burn unit at Tokyo University Hospital, where -- "

Seguchi's grip on the steering wheel suddenly turned vicelike. He punched the gas and drove around the cars in front of him, gearing it like a madman. Shuichi's body rattled a bit as the car was gathering speed, but he never woke up.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!  
_

Tohma ignored the other people beeping and swearing around him. He needed to get to Yuki. He needed to be sure that he was okay.

And Tohma needed him to help set things right.

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_Is someone there?  
_

_No. It's just you, then, isn't it?  
_

He hated that voice. It reminded him of why he was here.

_So you're here and you're miserable. How sad, hm?  
_

_Shut up. Just be quiet. Why...?  
_

It was all so unfamiliar. He didn't know what was going on. And Yuki didn't like not

knowing what was going on. It made him..._uncomfortable.  
_

_You've been avoiding it. You know you have it.  
_

Shut up.

_You know.  
_

Yuki ignored the voice. He didn't need this right now.

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Seguchi pulled up in front of the hospital and, after waking Shuichi up, raced inside.

Shuichi walked behind him, his heart beating relentlessly, his nerves on edge. His Yuki was in the hospital. He could be dying, or suffering, or in a coma --

"We're here to see Eiri Yuki," Seguchi said abruptly as soon as he reached the front desk, interrupting the secretary and her filing.

"Are you family?"

"I'm his brother-in-law. This is -- his cousin," Seguchi automatically lied, not wanting

to answer any more questions.

"Tohma Seguchi?"

Tohma and Shuichi turned to see a very harassed-looking Dr. Chidori, who had a surprised look on her face that was mingled with worry.

"And Shuichi Shindou!"

"Please, please, Chidori-sama, you have to -- you need to tell me --"

The doctor motioned for the two men to follow her. They walked down the hall and towards the elevator, and got on promptly when the doors opened and everyone else inside filed out. Whilst riding to the fifth floor, Dr. Chidori began to speak.

"Eiri Yuki's health is touch and go at this point, but we're thinking that he should be okay," she began. "He suffered some damage from the explosion -- some parts of the car managed to catch his skin and cut it. But we have a team that's working on him now, and the scars should heal eventually, seeing as how they weren't that deep.

"There is another matter, though."

Shuichi looked at Dr. Chidori nervously, and Seguchi looked away, his face burning.

"We were looking at Yuki-san's charts, and something caught our attention. His lung tissue is severely stained and they have increased compliance, meaning that they've lost elasticity. This does nothing good for his breathing."

"But -- what does it mean?"

Dr. Chidori swallowed nervously.

"Shindou-san, I'm afraid Yuki-sama has developed emphysema."

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(I wanted to install teh cancerz, but a bald Yuki is entirely unimaginable, don't you think?)


	17. Reunion

turn seventeen: the reunion

**turn seventeen: the reunion**

**  
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_  
There is nothin' fair in this world.  
There is nothin' safe in this world.  
And there's nothin' sure in this world,  
and there's nothin' pure in this world,  
look for something left in this world...  
start again.  
_- "White Wedding" by Billy Idol

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Shuichi swore his heartbeat stopped. He swore that he didn't hear what he really just heard. And yet, the world all around him seemed to fall.

_It's not that serious, is it?  
_

It didn't sound so serious. But Shuichi knew what emphysema was. He knew what it did to a person.

The elevator door slid open, and all three of them walked out onto the floor. Dr. Chidori led the men to a room with a balcony that overlooked a hospital room. A glass window as big as a wall was all that separated them from Yuki.

Shuichi peered below.

There he lay, an oxygen mask on his face, several tubes connected to him. He looked so pale and fragile there, as though he'd break any moment.

"...How?"

Dr. Chidori stared.

"I mean -- how did he -- the emphysema?"

"Apparently, he didn't heed the doctor's orders when they told him to quit smoking," Dr. Chidori stated, looking grim. "By the looks of it, he's at stage one, which is good. However, it will progress within age. But the progression with slow if he -- "

"If he stops smoking."

It was not Shuichi, but Tohma who said this. Shuichi turned around to face Seguchi, and noticed something in the young C.E.O's face.

It wasn't distress, or sympathy. Rather, it was...fear.

Something in Shuichi's mind clicked.

"...You...you knew?" Shuichi asked quietly. "You knew he had this? And...you didn't -- you didn't even bother to tell me?"

Seguchi didn't answer. He looked Shuichi in the eyes, his face full of shame and fear.

"I'm sorry, Shindou-kun," Seguchi finally responded. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't tell you."

"And why the fuck not?"

Dr. Chidori took this as her cue to leave. She stepped outside the room quietly,

feeling nervous.

"Because you would have gone hysterical, and I couldn't have that," Seguchi said firmly. "You would be irrational, and you wouldn't have been able to make a decision logically. I needed you to stay calm so we could come down here."

"So when were you planning on telling me?" Shuichi cried out indignantly. "Ten, twenty years? When Yuki suddenly starts hyperventilating and can't walk five steps without taking a break? What the hell, Seguchi?"

"Shindou-san, please --"

"And you knew he was here because he told you, didn't he?" Shuichi plowed on. "He called you or something. He came here to see a doctor, right? To see if he had this...disease...and then he'd be able to come up with a good excuse for leaving me. Right? 'Shuichi, I'm going to die because I'm selfish and won't give up smoking just so I can see my kids. I didn't want to see them anyway. You're better off without me. Okay, love you, bye!'"

This last part was more a rant at Yuki then at Seguchi, who stood there calmly, feeling extremely sorry for Shuichi.

"I can't believe him," Shuichi whispered, tears rolling down his face. "I just can't..._believe _him. How could he do this to himself? To us..."

Seguchi made a motion to pat Shuichi on the back, but the younger man jerked away from him.

"Don't -- don't touch me. Just -- don't."

Seguchi nodded. "What do you want me to do then?"

Shuichi looked at him with a plain expression, his red eyes swimming with tears.

"Leave."

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Yuki finally woke up, and sitting next to him was a distraught Shuichi, his hands on his womb, looking out the window.

"You lied to me."

Yuki tried to speak.

"You said you cared. Now there will be no one. Yuki...how could you."

_I wanted to care! _his mind screamed erratically. _I wanted to, but I couldn't, don't you understand? I don't know _how _to care, at least not to where you're satisfied. I tried, I tried so hard, but --  
_

"You're lying again. You didn't try."

_...No...  
_

"Goodbye, Eiri."

_No! NO! Don't leave me, don't go, don't --  
_

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Yuki opened his eyes.

An oxygen mask covered his mouth. His forearm bore an IV needle and his other hand had a peripheral IV attached as well. He tried to move his limbs, but he found that it hurt too much to move. He settled for letting his eyes wander all over the room.

Then his sight landed on the one man he didn't expect to see.

Shuichi Shindou was up on the balcony, watching him, waiting. As soon as they made eye contact, Shuichi's lower lip trembled and he pressed one hand to the glass, looking upon his lover intently. Yuki looked back, unblinking.

_You didn't leave me?  
_

Yuki and Shuichi continued to look at each other. Yuki's gaze traveled from Shuichi's eyes to Shuichi's womb. It was shaped roundly and beautifully, withholding the precious evidence of his and Shuichi's love; evidence that he did not deem precious until just now, when life seemed touch and go.

_...I'm glad.  
_

Yuki looked back to his lover and looked him squarely in the eye, his irises glowing. Yuki couldn't speak, so he communicated the only way he could.  
He blinked, and a single tear fell from his eye, rolling down his cheek. Shuichi saw it, and he remained still for a moment.

Then he gave a sad smile, and he blinked in response, his own tears rolling down his cheeks. Yuki hadn't said a thing, and yet he had. He just said the one thing that Shuichi definitely needed to hear right now.

_I'm sorry._

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"Can you explain to me why the hell you pulled that stunt?"

Seguchi was beyond angry. He felt nothing but evil pulse throughout his body. He was standing in the empty hospital lobby, and across from him sat a very bored-looking Claude K. Winchester.

"I don't think I know what you're talking about," K responded lightly.

"Bullshit," Seguchi hissed. "You planted that bomb, didn't you? To harm Yuki."

"To get him to see," K snapped. "Don't you get it?"

Seguchi stared, and K sighed.

"He broke that kid's heart. And worse, he left him, not knowing -- no, not realising -- what he had done. Though I guess that could be considered one and the same."

"Get to the point before I do something regrettable to you, K."

"It was only punishment," K replied. "I don't care to see a good person like Shuichi hurt so badly by a scumbag like Yuki. This was payback."

Seguchi opened his mouth to argue, then he closed it. As awful and twisted as K's logic was, he was also right. Something as serious as what had just happened was pretty much equivalent to the hurt and pain that Yuki had caused Shuichi.

That didn't mean that what K did was right. Rather, what K did just...made sense.

"By the way," K said suddenly, cutting into Seguchi's thoughts. "How did you figure out that it was me?"

"Please. A bomb in a public park? Only you would have the utmost gall to disturb semi-infinite peace just to satisfy yourself."

"But then how did I know where he was," K asked, grinning.

Seguchi rolled his eyes. "I know by now that your eyes are everywhere. I'm surprised you don't have cameras or something of that sort installed in Eiri's home."

K smirked. They sat in silence for a while, then agreed that it was best to go home for the evening.

Shuichi wandered out of the balcony hours later and ended up spending the night in the waiting room.

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"Are you awake now?"

Yuki blinked several times, and saw his pregnant lover sitting beside his bed. He flexed his fingers, and found that his arms didn't hurt as much as they did last night. He reached up and pulled his oxygen mask from his face.

"I guess so, then," Shuichi said calmly.

"Shuichi," Yuki began weakly, but Shuichi stopped him.

"I know why you're here. I know why you left me. And I know why you came to

Tokyo. So save it."

Shuichi's tone was so cold and indifferent that Yuki wondered if he was dreaming again. But this was definitely real.

"No," Yuki said firmly. "You need to know something else."

Shuichi looked up.

"You need to know that -- I care. I do. I finally know that -- I need to start caring. And, maybe it's too late now, since I'm such an asshole and I'm sick and I can't kick the habit to save my life, but I'm going to try anyway because to be honest, I don't want to die without seeing you one last time. And if...you don't want to take me back...I'll understand."

Shuichi stared at him. Then, without another word, he leaned forward and softly planted a kiss on the novelist's cold lips. Yuki felt something stir within him, and he tenderly pressed his fingers to Shuichi's cheek, running his thumb up and down the younger man's jawline. Shuichi released him, and sat back down, looking solemn.

"I love you," Shuichi said quietly. "You know that? Even after you left, even when I figured out that you didn't care, I still loved you. Because I know now that you're too afraid and you don't know how to care."

Yuki rolled his eyes.

"Now you're making it sound like I'm even more of an emotional wreck than I really am."

"That's not what I meant," Shuichi said hastily. "I just meant that --"

"I know what you meant, you moron," Yuki snapped. "I was just stating."

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Then Shuichi reached out and took hold of Yuki's pale, slender hand, holding it tightly.

"If you're willing to try, I'm willing to help you," Shuichi said quietly, looking down. He rested his other hand on his stomach, running his fingers up and down his womb. Yuki looked there once more, and this time he knew that he could really say what he wanted to.

He took Shuichi's hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. I'm -- yeah, I want to try now. I want -- I want to be there for you, help you out in any way that I possibly can. I can't say that I'll be the best dad in the world, but still -- "  
Shuichi shook his head. "It's fine," he whispered. "It's...just fine."

The two men remained in silence, though fully conscious and eternally grateful for each others' presence. Holding hands, they said nothing, but thought the same things. They would work this out, for there was hope for them yet. They'd find their way around this caustic melancholy. It would take a lot of work, but it would happen. For now, they simply enjoyed each other's company, finding that words were nothing compared to what their actions said, and their actions showed only the utmost feeling of love.

Later that evening, Shuichi managed to climb into bed with Yuki, and they held each other tightly, refusing to let go. When the nurse came around to check on them, she didn't have the heart to wake up the sleeping boy and instruct him to leave. Instead, she quietly bade them good night and turned the lamp off, walking out of the room without another word.

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(geez, K, way to be a dick.)


	18. Rage's return

Shuichi just laid the seat back as far as it would go so he would be able to feel like he was sleeping in a warm bed, which, h

**turn eighteen: rage's return**

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_Face to face, cheek to cheek,_

_you hear the pounding beat._

_Don't care what's on my baby's mind._

_Face to face, cheek to cheek,_

_let's leave it just like this,_

_right after all is said and done._

- "Cheek To Cheek" by Sahara Hotnights

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_When is this going to end?_

Shuichi tried to drift off to sleep, thoroughly exhausted. Just as he was about to slip off into dreamland, Yuki jostled his arm and started trying to lift the pregnant boy off of the couch.

"Whozair?" Shuichi said, rubbing his eyes with one hand, the other hand on his stomach. "Oh, it's you…what're ya doing? Where're we goin'?"

"A new café I found when I was going to give my publisher the next book I was working on," Yuki said, still trying to get Shuichi off of the couch.

"Dammit, Yuki," Shuichi whined, "I want to go sleep!"

"You can sleep in the car," Yuki said, successfully getting Shuichi off of the couch and shoving him to the bedroom, ordering him to get dressed.

Shuichi stumbled into his closet and pulled on some proper clothes after he shed his pajamas. He grumbled to himself, feeling disoriented and angry.

"This is too much stress for me. This isn't good for the babies. _You _know it's not good for them, but do you care? _Ohh, _no. Watch, watch what happens, when they're like five years old and want a nap. 'Papa, we want to sleep, it's already ten at night!' And then you'll come in, all gruff and mean. 'No, _I _want to see a movie!' And you'll drag them off to some porn theatre and they'll be scarred for life, just because you couldn't stand being alone or whatever."

Yuki thought Shuichi's head might explode after he had rattled that off. He considered apologizing for the briefest of moments.

However, he was developing a headache and Mr. Maternal over there wasn't making this any easier for him.

"Would you just shut up and we can go?" Yuki snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "You're giving me a headache the size of Tokyo."

Shuichi sighed. "Sorry," he mumbled, stepping out of the closet and grabbing his cell phone.

Yuki grabbed the star's hand and dragged him to the car.

Then he suddenly felt bad for a moment. He sighed, and was actually considerate enough to help Shuichi into the car. He got in on his side after slamming Shuichi's door and walking round the car. He shut the door and turned the ignition, stepping on the gas.

Shuichi sighed and just set the seat back as far as it would go, so he would be able to feel like he was sleeping in a warm bed.

His sleeping schedule had been screwed up thanks to Yuki, who had been keeping him up with some form of sexual pleasure almost every night. Whenever the younger man would start to drift off, Yuki would choose that time to pounce upon him, at first pissing Shuichi off, then sending him into a series of moans and cries of bliss as Yuki hit every single one of his pleasure spots that would take him to orgasm each time.

Or, if it wasn't sex, it was something else. Shuichi recalled this past Tuesday, when Yuki was trying to get Shuichi to help him think of an answer to the newspaper's crossword puzzle.

" '_Where the home is in Honduras'_…four letters…"

"_Casa_," Shuichi had groaned, wanting sleep so badly but unable to get it.

And now, in the car, Shuichi took the time to stare at his lover, who was noticeably jittery. Yuki tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in a feverish erratic pattern and jumped at every noise the car made. His eyes were moving back and forth rapidly, as though he had nystagmus.

It was a little unnerving.

"Where are we going, Yuki?" Shuichi asked sleepily.

"Weren't you listening when I told you before?" Yuki spat in an icy tone.

"Sorry…I've been dozing off," Shuichi said, his eyes drooping.

"More like whining about something or other," Yuki grumbled.

_Now who's the one not listening?_ Shuichi thought as he closed his eyes for a few seconds.

Literally…only a few seconds.

"Wake up, twerp."

The young man briefly opened his eyes as he saw his lover opening the door for him.

Ten more minutes, Yuki," Shuichi murmured, curling up in a ball and shutting his eyes again.

"We have reservations," Yuki said. "If our table's given away because you wanted to be lazy, I'm going to smack you into next century." With that, he grabbed Shuichi's hand and dragged him out of the car. Shuichi leaned his head on the taller man's shoulder and held onto his hand, despite his wishes to just go back home and sleep.

But hey, if he had to do this, he may as well be comfortable. And Yuki's shoulder was especially warm tonight.

Shuichi smiled.

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Once they made it into the café, Shuichi nearly bumped into a large plastic fern. The itchy leaves brushed across the young man's cheek, and his eyes immediately shot open. He started freaking out and beating the plant with his hands.

"AUUGH! GET BACK, GET BACK, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!"

He was about to pick up the plant and toss it out the window when Yuki reached out and yanked Shuichi's collar, jerking him close.

"Would — you — _stop — _that," Yuki hissed between his teeth, looking extremely angry.

Shuichi felt guilty all of a sudden. His shoulders dropped and he apologised in a small voice, his heart sinking and his eyelids drooping again. That small bout of excitement had taken a lot out of him.

Yuki informed the _maître d' of their reservation and ignored the stares of other customers. One girl was snorting with laughter into her soup. The novelist rolled his eyes and followed the maître d', dragging Shuichi along. They reached the table and sat down, the maître d' handing them their menus as he went off to get another waiter for them, since he was extremely busy._

_"Why are there two extra seats?" Shuichi asked sleepily, tugging his shirt a little further down over his large womb. _

_"I told you already."_

_"…No, you didn't."_

_Yuki stared at his pregnant lover for a moment, fighting the urge to reach over to the lady at the next table, grab her cooked trout, and smack the singer in the face with it. _

Instead, he sighed. "Tohma and Mika are joining —"

A sudden low snore.

Yuki stopped mid-sentence and he pursed his lips, his eyes wide and blinking. Oh, the little shit had _no idea _how lovely the thought of smacking him with a trout was to Yuki.

"Shuichi. Wake up. _Now._"

To Yuki's surprise, Shuichi immediately opened his eyes and looked down at his menu as if nothing happened. Yuki stared.

Shuichi looked up. "What?"

"You fell asleep."

"No I didn't."

Yuki didn't feel like arguing. He sighed and grabbed his menu.

They ordered soup and salad to start off with before their guests arrived to meet them. Shuichi nibbled at his salad slowly and stared deep into his bowl, as if contemplating something of extreme importance within the lettuce and cherry tomatoes. Yuki stared at him for a few moments, then turned away. He looked up, and noticed Tohma and Mika coming their way. Yuki was about to wave them over when he saw Shuichi take a nosedive into his salad.

Tohma and Mika stopped short, staring.

"Uhm."

Yuki tried to speak, but nothing else would come out. He widened his eyes, alarmed. He shook Shuichi's shoulder, hissing through his teeth to wake up or else Shuichi would really be smacked with a trout.

Shuichi grunted a little, and shrugged Yuki off of him before throwing his head back and continuing to snooze. Yuki was about to grab a nearby silver platter and smack Shuichi's face with it when the younger man suddenly toppled backwards onto the floor.

He continued to snore. Yuki felt embarrassed and pissed all in one.

"What the hell, Eiri?"

Yuki looked up to see an angry-looking Mika and Seguchi standing behind her, his face bemused.

"Just brought him with me, " Yuki mumbled, reaching for his pocket for some cigarettes. He stopped when he realised he didn't have any.

_Goddammit. _

The waiter that had served them before came back with the intent of getting Yuki and Shuichi's actual order, and instead was met by the sight of the pink-haired boy sprawled on the floor, his boyfriend fanning him with a paper napkin. The waiter bit her lip, unsure of what to do.

"Er…"

Seguchi noticed the nervous-looking waitress, then motioned her over.

"Miss, can I please have a warm cloth for my friend here?"

"Yes, um…"

"He's just a little — anemic," Tohma said hastily. "He'll be fine."

The waitress nodded, still unsure of the whole thing. She walked away and Tohma came over to help Yuki put Shuichi back in the chair.

"If Shuichi is this burnt out, Eiri, you didn't have to bring him. He should be resting!" Mika snapped as she watched her brother.

"…I wanted him to come," Yuki grumbled, glaring at his older sister.

Mika looked surprised. "Well! That's a first."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you normally don't want him around. That's all."

Yuki ignored this and shoved a toothpick in his mouth, looking annoyed. Mika rolled her eyes at her stubborn younger brother and sat down next to the slumbering Shuichi, holding his hand.

The waitress came back with a warm cloth and a request for Seguchi.

"My manager would think it more appropriate if you moved the young — er —" she had noticed the womb — "man — into the hotel next door? Only, this is rather distracting for our customers and we may lose business. Or would you like us to call an ambulance? That can be done as well."

Before Seguchi could say anything, Yuki grabbed Shuichi from Mika's grasp.

"We're going home. If you two want to come then I suggest you do it now before I change my mind," Yuki snapped, picking up Shuichi and ushering him out of the door, ignoring the stares of the other diners. Mika and Seguchi stared at each other, then shrugged and followed the novelist after Seguchi thanked the waitress and gave her a hefty tip.

The waitress pocketed the money and watched them all leave, hoping that the younger man would be okay.

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Once they arrived at the house, Mika and Seguchi sat down on one end of the couch while Yuki sat at the other end, placing Shuichi along the open length of the cushions and resting his head in Yuki's lap. Mika placed a pillow and blanket over Shuichi's midriff.

"What's going on with him, Eiri?" Mika asked quietly, looking concerned and annoyed at her brother's nonchalant attitude to this whole situation.

Yuki just shrugged and moved his lower jaw back and forth, the toothpick rolling between his teeth. He got bored with it and took it out of his mouth, tossing it into the trash next to the cough.

"We've been busy," Yuki said coldly.

"…Eiri…we know giving up smoking can't be easy —"

"When were we talking about this? I don't want to talk about this," Yuki snapped, getting even more irritated by the second.

" — Do you think it's really fair to be dragging Shindou-sama along on your excursions?" Seguchi said in a practical voice. "He's obviously too weak to be going anywhere at this point."

"Look, if he didn't want to go anywhere, all he had to do was say so," Yuki said. "I'm not forcing him out of the front door, you know."

_Liar._

Yuki ignored this.

"Perhaps he doesn't want to go, and you're not listening to him," Seguchi replied calmly.

"Why —?"

But he didn't get a chance to finish his sentence. Before anything else could be said, Yuki's front door suddenly exploded inward and chunks of wood and plaster painted the living room, smoke and dust thickening the air.

Everyone coughed, and Yuki covered Shuichi's face with his arms and chest, not wanting the smoke to get into the young man's lungs. Even though Yuki still wasn't that wild about these kids, he didn't want to take any chances concerning Shuichi's health.

The smoke died down and in the empty space of the living room stood the one person Yuki never expected to see again. Clad in her normal business suit of a skirt, vest, dress shirt and tie, was none other than Reiji, a.k.a. Rage.

"SO!" She said triumphantly, her bazooka perched over her shoulder. "Ready to hand over Shuichi-kun there, or am I going to have to take him by force?"

Seguchi stared as Yuki blinked several times, and Shuichi suddenly woke up.

"Yuki, what —?"

Then Shuichi saw his old manager standing there with her bazooka, and he jumped up, his hair flying everywhere.

"What — what — what — WHY ARE YOU HERE!" Shuichi cried out, making the sign of the cross with his fingers while backing away from Rage. "GET OUT OF YUKI'S APARTMENT!"

"EXCUSE ME?!" Rage shouted, looking extremely offended. "I, your ever-adoring manager, waltzes gracefully back into your life, and you treat me like I'm some common, dirty pariah? How _dare _you!"

"Gracefully my ass," Yuki suddenly snapped. "You're buying me a new door, by the way."

True, a long time ago Yuki had taken a liking to Rage and her cute looks (which never ceased to creep Rage out), but after having gotten used to her irritating presence, Yuki thought nothing of her.

"Humph!" Rage said now. "Maybe later. But as for now, I'm not going to worry about your silly apartment. I have bigger news."

"What could be bigger then the mess you made?" Yuki said heading to the kitchen to get a beer.

"Exactly!" Mika shouted now. "Look at this! What the hell — you just — you've completely destroyed this. I had to help pay for this shithole, you know!"

Rage's chest swelled like a proud peacock's, but Shuichi jumped in before Rage could burst with her big news.

"Who fucking cares! I don't want to hear _anything _you've got to say, you crazy bitch! You've been out of my life for the longest time; why don't you stay out!"

"Ho, ho, ho! Save that energy for your performance, cupcake!"

"What are you talking about, Rage-sama?" Seguchi said now, ignoring his wife's outbursts over the shattered apartment. Mika eventually gave up and told her husband she was going to the convenience store for some aspirin and a Mountain Dew.

"We're bringing Shuichi back in America! He s gotten really big over there and his fans want more of him!" Rage said with excitement. Shuichi's jaw dropped and Seguchi looked rather surprised.

Yuki, on the other hand, wasn't even affected by the news.

"He's not going," Yuki said now, sipping his beer.

"What, what, what?" Rage said angrily, hopping over to Yuki. "Who are _you _to decide where this kid goes? That's up to _me,_ since I'm still technically Shuichi's manager!"

"How do you figure that?"

"I was never formally fired," Rage said. "And don't try it now, Seguchi-san! I have ways of coming back into N-G, believe me!"

Seguchi raised his hands in defeat while Shuichi gaped at this crazy woman, his head swimming.

"I don't care who you are," Yuki said. "He's not going and that's that."

"Maybe I don't want to hear what you've got to say, you crazy old man!" Rage snapped. "Maybe you need to shut up!" She jabbed the novelist in the chest with her finger, which was a crucial mistake.

Yuki grabbed her wrists and glared at her, his intense irises boring into Rage's, causing a shiver to travel up and down her spine.

"Don't you ever touch me," he said quietly, his tone deathly.

He dropped her hands and walked down the hallway, going into his office and slamming the door. Seguchi stood up, holding his jacket, while Shuichi still stood there, holding his pillow and blanket in place. It covered his womb completely, and he suddenly felt extremely overexposed. There was no telling what Rage would do if she found out about Shuichi's pregnancy.

"I need to sleep," Shuichi blurted now. "I need you to leave. _Now. _Seguchi-sama, I'm sorry…"

"It's perfectly fine, Shindou-kun."

"Wait a minute. Wait one second. What the hell is that?"

_SHIT._

Shuichi tried to inch away from Rage, but it was too late — she had caught sight of his overgrown stomach when the blanket had shifted to one side as Shuichi had turned to apologise to Seguchi.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Rage screamed. "IS THIS WHY YOU CAN'T GO TO THE STATES, SHUICHI?? YOU LET YOURSELF GO, DID YOU? GOT ALL FAT ON ME, DID YOU?"

"Why are you so _loud_?" Shuichi snapped, holding his ears.

"That's it! We re taking you to a gym _right now_!" Rage said, tugging him across the room.

"Get off of me, you nut! I want to sleep!" Shuichi whined as he was swept across the room. They had nearly reached the door when Yuki came back out from his office.

"Let go of him," Yuki snapped. "I'll take him."

"Oh no you won't!" Rage snapped, continuing to drag Shuichi along with her.

"YUKI! Save me!" Shuichi said, reaching towards Yuki.

"Eiri, you really shouldn't let Rage treat Shindou-san like this, especially in his condition," Seguchi said softly.

"Condition?" Rage asked as she stopped suddenly.

"Would you mind, Eiri?" Seguchi asked.

"You all just get the hell out of my house. Includes you, brat," Yuki waved. "Have fun at the gym."

The author once again returned to his den of solitude as he slammed the door to his office, this time locking it.

"…Well then, I suppose I can't tell you anything, Rage-sama," Seguchi said. "Until next time." He stepped outside and left Shuichi there with Rage, who was looking rather triumphant.

At this point, the pop star was in tears as he was being dragged across the floor and soon out the door. They went down the stairs, and around the back end to the alley behind the apartment building. There stood Rage's humongous eighty-foot panda, its eyes ablaze and its engine rumbling soundly. A latch opened in the panda's leg, and Shuichi was shoved inside as Rage shut the door behind them. Rage pressed a button, and they traveled upward into the panda's head.

"Off to New York!" Rage sang gaily, much to Shuichi's horror.

"What the hell?! What?!"

"That's where the gym is," Rage said, an evil glint in her eye.

"I can't go to New York! Not like this!" Shuichi shouted as the door opened to the panda's main control area. Shuichi was shoved outward and he sat down on a crate of fruit while Rage assembled herself in front of the controls, pushing a button to get the panda going.

"Well," Rage geared the panda and they were soon in the air, "that's why we're going to hide you in a private gym for a while just till you lose that — hmm — not a spare tire, but how about just fat?"

"DAMNIT, RAGE, LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Shuichi screamed as pounded the walls of the panda, to no avail.

"You can't escape your fame in America, Shuichi Shindou. Plus this time no one knows where you are because they all think I'm taking you to a Japanese gym!" Rage laughed as the giant panda flew higher. Shuichi sat back down, horror creeping up in his throat.

What the _hell _was wrong with this woman?

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"Flip me off again and see what I do, asshole!" K snapped at a passing driver. He was gunning it along the highway, making his way towards a local gym near the 7-Eleven. He turned off a route and made his way to the gym, parking as soon as he got there. K walked inside, whistling nonchalantly and walking to the desk clerk, an expectant look on his face.

Rage had left a message for K earlier, telling him to meet her and Shuichi here to discuss some kind of plan for Bad Luck's music sales. He had no idea why it had to be a gym—probably because it'd be the last place most people would look for a high-profile star like Shuichi.

"I was supposed to see Shuichi Shindou here," he said to the clerk now. "He here?"

"…And…who are you, sir?"

"Claude Winchester, also known as K. I'm the kid's manager."

"Ah, K-san. This was left for you. I was told to give it to you in the event that you showed up."

K looked confused as the desk clerk handed him a note. Drawn in the corner of the paper was a creepy-looking chibi holding a bazooka, a wicked grin on her tiny face. Scrawled below the drawing was a hasty note:

_K,_

_Guess who just got duped? _8)

_I've decided I don't need you to help me decide what's best for Shuichi. I've taken him to New York with me. Look for him all you want — you'll never find him. Shuichi belongs to XMR now, as far as I'm concerned._

_But if you still feel like chasing him down — _

_Well, catch me if you can! _

_Rage_

K stood there, shaking in his shoes. He crumpled up the note and stuffed it in his pocket, ignoring the alarmed-looking desk clerk. K stepped outside and grabbed his cell phone and dialed a number, his anger boiling hot.

The other end finally picked up after several rings.

"Get me a chopper to New York," K growled. "_NOW."_

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(I want a bazooka for Christmas now)


	19. Me, you, them

turn nineteen: me, you, them

**turn nineteen: me, you, them**

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_And over there stands my angry angel,_

_and he's shaking his head_

_in disgrace over me._

_Over there stands my angry angel,_

_and he's frowning like hell but _

_I'm not feeling guilty._

"Angry Angel" by Imogen Heap

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He let the shower water run over his body, caressing every inch of his skin with warmth and comfort. Still, Yuki felt slightly dispirited and somewhat surlier than usual. He ran his long, feminine fingers through his dirty blonde hair and sighed, letting out a puff of steam that added to the fog on the shower door.

Yuki ran a soapy washcloth over his shoulders and chest, trying very hard not to think about Shuichi at the moment. That crazy bitch Rage had just flounced in his apartment, uninvited, and whisked the kid away.

But as much as Yuki hated to admit it, he kind of missed that little shrimp…even worried about him, as well.

"Shit."

Yuki forced himself to stop thinking about it and shut the shower off, stepping out whilst wrapping a towel over his narrow waist. He pushed the bathroom door open, only to remember that he had to brush his teeth first.

He was about to reach for his toothbrush when his phone went off.

Annoyed, Yuki grabbed his toothbrush anyway and ignored the ringing. His fingers were inches away from the faucet knob when the answering machine kicked in and Tohma Seguchi's soft voice filled his bedroom.

"Eiri, it's Tohma…I've just received word from K, who says that Reiji has — er —"

Another voice piped up in the background.

"She kidnapped him. Just say it, that's what happened!"

"Well, she kidnapped him, apparently. To New York."

"I don't even know why you're calling him. It's not like he cares."

"K, please be quiet. Anywho, Eiri, please call me back when you get this message, so that we may work out what to do. Thank you, goodbye."

"Yeah, bye…douchebag."

"K!"

"What? It's true!"

"K, if you do not stop —"

A loud, resounding beep filled the room.

"_Message left at: 3:22:03 p.m._"

Yuki's toothbrush dangled from his mouth, and his hand hovered over the faucet knob. His heart skipped several beats.

_Shuichi's…in New York? That little shit's in fucking _New York?

He could hardly believe it.

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"So, I'm thinking, for your first interview back here in New York, you could do something for _Vogue. _I mean, yes, they only interview and feature women, but you're so precious and effeminate and beautiful, it'd be hard to _not _accept you, hahaha!"

Shuichi ignored Rage's blathering and stared down at his womb. It took him a moment to remember what month he was in — his eighth, he came to realise — and then afterward felt bad that he didn't remember. But he could hardly be blamed for having a lapse in memory, what with the way Rage had been treating him the moment she blasted her way into Yuki's apartment, bazooka and all.

_This just cannot be happening to me. It really cannot be happening. I refuse to accept it. _

But it was all so painfully true — Rage had come to take him away from Japan, from his friends, from Yuki, and place him in a society where he didn't quite fit in and didn't really like to begin with. It wasn't that he had a thing against Americans; he just didn't like the way that XMR dealt with their talents, or any American agency or business for that matter. They were too rough and too materialistic and didn't really care about their stars, just the money being made off of the music.

_Well, I'm not going to be used. Not anymore!_

"Rage, you have to turn around!" Shuichi squawked now. "You have to take me back! Please, take me back to Yuki! I can't do this!"

"Oh, but you can and you will!" Rage exclaimed angrily, making a sharp turn in the sky, avoiding a Boeing 747. Shuichi's gut roiled and he feared that his lunch was about to be spewed all over the cockpit.

"Could you at least _gear it slower?!" _Shuichi exclaimed, clutching his stomach and looking annoyed. "I'm gonna get sick over here!"

"Hmph! I'm _excellent _at this," Rage snapped. "Maybe it's all that food you ate! That's what you get for being fat."

"Rage, I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!" Shuichi spat.

Then he clamped his hand over his mouth, realising what he had just said.

But it was too late; the damage had already been done. Rage stiffened, then slowly turned her head to stare at the young man, her eyes popping out of her sockets.

"Wha — What?"

Shuichi sighed. "You heard me."

"…ARE YOU FUCKING SERIO —!"

_WHAM._

Thanks to her inattentiveness, Rage's panda had dipped and suddenly crashed into the side of a building and ripped away most of the floors, sending employees screaming and running in a panic. Rage cursed and righted the panda, gearing it away from the building and sprinting upwards into the sky again. Shuichi's heart was trying to pound its way out of his chest, and he realised that he felt extremely weak and not at all well.

"R-Rage," Shuichi said feebly, dry-mouthed, "I have to rest…you can't keep jolting me around like this."

"Right, right, because you actually have an _excuse _this time," Rage said, just as unnerved as Shuichi was. "Well, I'm still taking you to New York, but we'll put you in a room in our building instead of a gym, how about that?"

"WHY are you so bent on sending me to New York?!" Shuichi yelled. "Why can't you just listen to me, for once in your fucking life! I _can't _go to New York, I don't _want _to go, I don't _want _to go to XMR, I —!"

"Look, kiddo!" Rage snapped. "It's not about what you want. It's about making money and doing business. Tohma Seguchi had no qualms about me taking you here, so don't come crying to me because I'm not gonna listen!"

_What?_

Seguchi had known? Had he been playing dumb, back there in Yuki's apartment?

_That…bastard._

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"I don't see why we have to talk, Seguchi. Particularly since it was you who agreed to send him to New York in the first place."

Seguchi stared at Yuki, his eyes wide in soft surprise. They were sitting in Seguchi's office, the radio on low and rain pattering the windows of the N-G building. K and Sakano were sitting on a nearby couch, looking bored and uptight.

"How do you figure that, Eiri?"

"Please. Rage would not have been able to get away with stealing your precious star without you giving some kind of consent. You were way too innocent for me to actually believe that you didn't know what she was talking about."

Seguchi continued to look surprised for a moment, then his eyes warmed and he gave a wide, pretty smile.

"Well, I always said you could read me like a book, Eiri-kun. Perhaps you'd like to know why I agreed for Shuichi to be sent off?"

"For the good of the company, I imagine."

"Indeed. Shuichi would make it big over in America; it would do very well for us."

"What I don't get," K spoke up, "is why you would send him now, seeing as how he's eight months gone and about to drop the kids sometime soon. It's kind of unhealthy, isn't it?"

Seguchi's smile tightened. "Indeed, K."

"But then why send him now?" Yuki asked.

"That's just the thing, Eiri," Seguchi said softly. "He was not supposed to go now. He was supposed to have left for New York months ago."

Yuki suddenly tensed, and he felt the room grow unbearably cold. Even K and Sakano shivered.

"And now?" Yuki asked.

Seguchi suddenly looked dangerous; his face darkened, his eyes blazed.

"And now Rage has arrived much too late," Seguchi said softly, "and I am angrier than you could ever imagine."

And didn't Yuki know it.

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"It's good to see you again, Shindou-san! Welcome back to XMR!"

The company employees greeted Shuichi with a kind of deference that was usually reserved for someone like the president of XMR.

"Er…thanks," Shuichi responded politely. He noticed that everyone was avoiding making eye contact with his womb, and gathered that Rage must have contacted the industry before landing and told everyone to not say a thing about his pregnancy or they would all get fired.

_I guess she can be considerate sometimes, _Shuichi chuckled inwardly.

They walked down the hallway to greet a producer, then Rage led Shuichi to his own room.

"You'll be staying here, so we can keep a close watch on you. Don't you go trying to escape on us; we'll have your ass back here faster than you can say 'Oh shit son!'"

With that, Rage shut the door and left Shuichi to his solitude. It was a nice room, really — very large, and spacious, with a plump bed and a large TV with cable. The balcony was just as big, and it overlooked a nicer side of the Hudson River. The water glittered and bobbed, and boats sailed over it in the far-off distance. Shuichi walked outside and leaned over the railing, watching the boats lazily go by. The sound of busy Manhattan traffic could be heard in the background. Birds flew in the sky, which was a pale, brilliant blue. It was all so alive and so calm at the same time.

And Shuichi didn't like it.

He bit his lip and tried not to sob — but he couldn't hold it in. Fresh tears leaked from his eyes and spilled down his cheeks, and he suddenly started to shake with his sobs. Why the hell was he _here, _how could Seguchi _do _this to him? How could he just willingly trade off Shuichi like this, like some cheap export? It was baffling and, to be honest, Shuichi was deeply hurt.

"Goddamn you, Seguchi," he whispered to himself, biting his thumb. "Goddamn you!"

He bent further over the railing and buried his head in his arms, crying even harder.

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"So how are we getting to New York?" Yuki asked, walking fast to keep up with Seguchi. "No plane's going to get us there soon enough."

They were walking down a dark hallway, upstairs to the roof of N-G Productions. Seguchi was steadfast and determined. He needed to bring Shuichi home as fast as possible. True, he had agreed with Rage that Shuichi would eventually take a hiatus from touring in Japan and go make music at XMR, but that deal had taken place before Shuichi's pregnancy occurred and Rage had only acted now because, he had learned, XMR had been locked up in a lengthy investigation for fraud and embezzlement.

_Only in America, _Seguchi thought, knowing that particular statement wasn't true but allowing himself to laugh over it anyway.

"We're taking a different mode of transportation," Seguchi said softly, opening to the door to the roof. As soon as they stepped inside, Yuki noticed something rather…odd.

There was no helicopter. Rather, there was only a single small chopper shoved off to the side, and then a pair of humongous pink metal legs met Yuki's gaze. Yuki looked up and down and was instantly amased and confused.

"Don't tell me," Yuki said, gaping.

"Indeed," Seguchi laughed. "We've built a giant version of Kumagoro. It rivals even Rage's giant panda."

"But — why?" Yuki said, looking at the giant ears.

"So we could retrieve Shuichi, of course," Seguchi chuckled. "We've actually had this for a while now, but we've never really needed it until now."

"Please don't tell me the driver is who I think it is," Yuki groaned.

"Yes, it's me," a voice said, and Yuki whipped around to see K coming up behind them, bearing a grin and his Magnum. Traveling behind him was Hiro and a newly-healed Suguru, who had successfully completed his physical therapy weeks ago and was finally walking again.

"We're going to die, then? Oh well. I've always wanted to go out with a bang," Yuki said, shrugging.

"Don't get all pessimistic on me, Mr. Writer," K said tauntingly, waving his gun around much to Yuki's displeasure. "I'm a damn good driver, and the last time I checked, this bad boy can handle _anything._"

"Oh goodie," Yuki said sarcastically, following K, Seguchi, and the others into the hatch of the giant Kumagoro. Yuki gazed upward to see the head, which was painfully pink and cheerful-looking. It was sickening, almost.

Yuki had never had the need for a smoke so badly in his life.

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Shuichi had stopped crying, but his eyes were puffy and pink and he felt ashamed of himself. He was still out on the balcony, looking at the river.

_Why can't I just be spirited away somewhere? _Shuichi thought. _Somewhere where I don't have to worry about any of this crap._

His head hurt; he looked down and caressed his womb, biting his lower lip.

_I love you, babies, _he thought to himself. _We'll get through this, I promise. I'll endure every moment of this chick's torture if I have to…and…I can't wait to see your smiling faces. I hope you look just like your papa._

Shuichi felt a little silly for thinking these thoughts, but he supposed it was just his maternal instincts kicking in. He sighed and was about to walk back into his room when Rage appeared in the doorway.

"What do _you _want?" Shuichi asked gruffly, looking away from her.

"No need to take that tone with me," Rage snapped, walking over to Shuichi. "I just wanted to let you know that we're going to be taking you to upper Manhattan for an interview in forty-five minutes, so you might want to freshen up."

"I don't want to."

"Did you not hear what I said back in the panda, Shuichi? I don't _care _what you want. No one does. And besides, you might come to enjoy this! It's good for your image — sparkly, talkative, friendly. That's _good._"

"And maybe I don't want to come off as all those things!" Shuichi shouted, tears springing up in his eyes again. "Maybe I don't _care _what anyone thinks of me! Maybe I just want to be a hermit for the rest of my life and ignore everyone else, because I don't give a flying fuck about what they think about me!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! _Everyone _cares about what other people think about them, whether it's unconscious or not. And besides, why would you want to be like that? Or, if you don't know, which you probably don't, what _do _you want to be like, then?"

"I want — I want —"

But Shuichi didn't get a chance to finish, for something was pulling at his stomach.

Something…_hard. _And it _hurt. _It hurt like hell.

"Aah…"

Something was tearing his insides up, pulling his intestines forward, making everything go down, down, down.

"_AAAAHHHH!"_

Shuichi screamed with all of his might, and fell down to his knees, clutching his womb and breathing heavily.

"Shuichi?!"

"AAAHHHHH!"

"Oh shit, don't tell me you're going into fucking labour!"

_No…I can't be…it's a month too early…_

But these were contractions all right. And — something else felt weird — Shuichi dove his hand in between his legs and felt the rough material of his black jeans.

It was wet.

_Oh shit. Oh my fucking God._

His water had broken.

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"Damn, this thing's fast," Yuki remarked. The giant Kumagoro had taken off only an hour ago, and already they were flying over Europe and forty minutes from New York.

"Told you," K said cheerfully. "This baby can handle anything."

Seguchi's phone started going off.

"Hello?…Wait, wait…Reiji-san, calm down, please."

"Is that Rage? _Is that her?_" Yuki hissed, reaching for the phone. Seguchi's slapped Yuki's hand away and concentrated on hearing the other end.

"…Shuichi's _what? _He's…but that's impossible, it's too soon…yes….Yes. I understand. Thank you."

Seguchi hung up the phone and looked down at his shoes, thinking.

"Well?" Yuki said. This seemed to snap Seguchi back to reality; he looked around and seemed to only just realise Yuki's, Hiro's, and Suguru's presence.

"Eiri," Seguchi began quietly, "are you aware that male pregnancy resembles female pregnancy greatly when it's nearing its final stages? For example, even with men, there will be contractions and their water will break."

Dead silence filled the cabin. Yuki's brain churned with confusion, then something clunked into place.

_Oh shit._

He sprinted up to K and gripped the manager's shoulders, his teeth gritted in anger and fear.

"Get this goddamned thing to New York as fast as you fucking can," Yuki said. "I don't care if you take out the Eiffel Tower on the way there."

"Yes _sir!_" K said, pleased to hear that he had permission to cause as much destruction as humanly possible, and then some.

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"Shuichi, stay with me, you idiot!"

The ambulance was speeding along the road while Shuichi was strapped to a gurney, an IV in his arm, endless moans of pain coming from his mouth. The attendant had placed a cool cloth over his forehead and was muttering endless nothings. None of it made sense to Shuichi; he was fading in and out, in and out. His head swam, his ears rang. And everything _hurt._

_Hurry…get me there…help me, someone…_

Shuichi rasped, his chest aching.

_Someone help me…_

He cried out in pain.

_Yuki…help me._

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(OH SHIT SON)


	20. Hands and Hearts

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**turn twenty: hands and hearts**

_Here is the church, and here is the steeple._

_We sure are cute for two ugly people._

_I don't see what anyone can see_

_in anyone else_

_but you._

_- _"Anyone Else But You" by The Moldy Peaches

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"Can't you make this damn rabbit go any faster?" Yuki yelled to K, gripping the armrests of his seat.

"Just hold onto your laptop and let me do my job," K said, maneuvering the giant rabbit.

"Eiri, we'll make it. I'm sure Shindou-san will be alright," Seguchi said, putting his hand on Yuki's shoulder.

"How the hell do you know, Seguchi? He could have the kids without me! He could be giving birth right now!" Yuki snapped.

"Uh, guys —" K started, but he was drowned out by the oncoming argument between Yuki and Seguchi.

"Yuki, I understand that, but there is no point in getting in a tiff over it."

"A _tiff_? A fucking _tiff? _Are you serious?"

"You know what I mean."

"Hey, guys!" K repeated, to no avail.

"Do I _really_ know, Seguchi? Or maybe you're being Mr. Mysterious and feeding me subliminal messages, like you always do, ever since I was a kid —"

"_Hey!_"

"I _really _don't think this is the time to be talking about that —"

"You know what —"

"HEY! _OLD GUYS_!"

The men turned to K, who was looking at them over his shoulder with a wide-eyed, annoyed expression.

"What is it, K?" Seguchi asked.

"There's something wrong with Kumagoro."

Yuki looked up, as well as Hiro, who had been ignoring the entire situation from behind a magasine up until now.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Yuki said.

"One of the engines cut out on me. I've been trying to see if I could feed it some oil from the second engine but the routing system is fucked up. Something must've gotten knocked loose when we hit those buildings."

Indeed, the giant Kumagoro had ripped off a chunk of an office building somewhere in London, throwing them off course somewhat and setting their landing time off by an hour. The craft had taken some damage, but apparently, more than K had thought.

"Are you saying that there's a good chance we're going to be stranded in the middle of the Atlantic, nearly completely devoid of human contact, and we're probably going to miss Shuichi giving birth?"

K stared at Suguru, who had also decided to join the conversation.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Hiro opened his mouth to speak, but the second he did, the giant rabbit started losing power and was slowly dipping further near the ocean itself. Yuki looked out the window to view the vast, murky waters suddenly coming into view a little too clearly for his liking.

"Damn it, K! I don't want to die!" Suguru said, panicking. He gripped his own armrests and seemed to be hanging on for dear life.

"We're not going to die, kid," Yuki said as he lifted himself from his seat and went over to K. He leaned down to K's ear and hissed malevolently, "We are _not _going to die, are we?"

All K did was shrug.

"What. The _fuck. _Kind of pilot are you," Yuki snapped.

"Man, do you really think yelling at me is gonna solve anything right now?"

Yuki was about to cuff the American when the rabbit suddenly dipped down towards the ocean. Everyone in the vicinity gave out a yell as the mechanical contraption starting falling faster and faster towards the waters below.

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The hospital's waiting room was large, barely crowded, comfortable. And yet, Rage was pacing back and forth, her face set, her teeth grinding. She didn't know why she was so worried; she just knew that this was a situation she was not familiar with and therefore had no idea what to do with herself other than pace around like a caged bear who hadn't been fed in a week.

Shuichi had been stabilised since their arrival, and it had been two hours since he'd been taken upstairs to the ICU, where he'd remain until it was clear that the babies were well and ready to come into the world. All the while, Rage had been biting her nails, walking up and down the narrow hallways, munching on whatever snacks the vending machines had to offer, and reading medical journals scattered on the coffee tables. She was left with nothing to do but wait, wait, wait.

And it was _boring. _

Rage stopped pacing, straightened herself, then walked out of the waiting room to the side doors of the hospital, which led to a grand courtyard where nurses were wheeling the elderly patients and cancer kids. Rage groaned at having to be around more sick people, but rather than complain, she sucked it up and stepped outside, sitting on a bench near the door.

As soon as she had herself in a nice piece of shade, something weird starting sounding off near her. Rage looked around for a few moments before realising that the sound was her cell phone. She tugged it out of her skirt pocket and flipped it open.

"Reiji speaking."

"Rage, this is Tohma Seguchi. I wonder if we could have a few minutes of your time?"

"Oh sure. I'm not doing anything. Just waiting on the Boy Wonder to get sliced open so the little mutants can slide right out. What's up?"

"Lovely terminology, Rage. Well, the matter is — Eiri — Eiri, stop doing that —!"

There was a small shuffle on the other end of the phone. Rage blinked several times, growing slightly agitated. She was about to scream Seguchi down when someone finally took hold of the phone.

"Rage, this is Eiri Yuki. Tell me what's going on. What's happening."

"The novelist? You're with Seguchi? I thought you guys weren't speaking cos you were having a little tiff."

"What — I — what _is _it with people using that fucking _word_?" Yuki yelled. "Look, never mind what's going on here. What. Is going on. Over _there_?"

"You mean with Shuichi? He's in the ICU right now, we're at New York-Presbyterian — he collapsed after his water broke. We thought he was going into labour, but the contractions were too far apart so we figured it was just an early alarm going off. He's cooled down now."

Then Rage screwed up her face.

"Why the hell do I hear _waves_? Are you at a _beach_? Shit Yuki, I didn't think you were this much of a dick to abandon your boyfriend for a vacation in the Caribbean."

"Rage, you —"

"Eiri, give me the phone. EIRI."

There was another shuffle, and Rage sighed as she waited for Seguchi to come on the line.

"Rage, we're not on a vacation. We were on our way to New York to see Shuichi when our — flight — crash-landed. We're floating on what's left of the carrier in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean."

"For shiz? Like, for _real_? In the Atlantic?!" Rage yelled, standing up and gripping her forehead. "What the fuck?! You flew Continental, didn't you. Seguchi, that airline sucks, you should have flown British Airlines or —"

"Rage, that is really not the point!" Seguchi snapped, exasperated. "Look, we need help! Now!"

"What, you want me to come get you? I can't do that, Seguchi! My panda's out in the shop, it won't be back in action for at least another week or so —"

"R — ju — it —"

Static rang in Rage's ear, and after a few seconds, the signal cut out completely.

"Hello? _HELLO?_"

Rage stared at her phone. The line was dead.

_Damn. _

Rage sat down and drummed her fingers on the hardwood of the bench. She stared at the trees, the sky, the little old man in his wheelchair that was grinning loftily at his attractive nurse. She couldn't think of anything; nothing was coming to her in terms of a good, solid plan.

This was bad. More than bad. This fucking _sucked. _

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"Everyone alright?"

Seguchi looked up hopefully from the now-defunct phone to see nothing but grim expressions and, especially from Yuki, a look of murder in the eyes.

"Oh, we're great. We're just _peachy_. How the hell do you think, Seguchi?" Yuki said grumpily, massaging his left leg. It had taken some of the brunt from the crash once the giant rabbit had landed in the ocean. Fortunately, the giant Kumagoro was equipped with an emergency hard-landing system — at the last minute, the systems had programmed themselves to slow down and not, frankly, kill anyone in the vehicle. Unfortunately, the craft was already damaged to begin with, and so it had landed a bit roughly anyway. A piece of the giant rabbit had struck against Yuki's lower calf, which was now slightly bloody and very bruised.

He stared at the ruined material of his ¥8000 trousers, and sighed. So much for quality. Not to mention that his leg hurt like a bitch.

He sighed once more and looked up — the rabbit was on its back, and floating steadily on the waves. One of the windows had broken, and the crisp sound of ocean waves and seagulls permeated the otherwise uncomfortable silence.

"Well, maybe we'll be able to get rescued sometime tomorrow," K sighed.

"What?" everyone exclaimed.

"I got our coordinates in to N-G Studios before we crash-landed. If they're as efficient as I think they are, tomorrow morning we'll be airlifted out of here."

"We don't have the kind of time!" Hiro said, getting up. He was one of the few that was lucky enough to land on the back of a cushiony chair, rather than the hard metal floor, which was where Yuki and Seguchi were laying right now, as well as K.

"Hiro's right. There has to be some other way we can get out of this. The stuff won't hold for long; eventually, it'll sink," Suguru said calmly. He was a bit shaken up, for he too had landed on a chair, but his spine was inches away from getting struck by one of the metal bits of the rabbit.

Yuki stared intensely at the hatch of the rabbit. Then he started trying to get up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell are you doing?" Hiro said, grabbing Yuki's arm.

"Help me up so I can get out of here," Yuki said, trying to get to the hatch.

"Eiri, you can't go out there with your leg the way it is," Seguchi said calmly.

"To hell I can't! If I have to swim to America, then damn it, I will."

"It doesn't do us any good if you're dead," Hiro said.

"Look. There is no fucking way I'm just gonna just sit here —"

He hissed as his calf stung considerably, but continued.

"— Sit here on my _ass_ waiting for something to happen. That kid —"

"That _kid _has a name," Hiro said through gritted teeth. Yuki stared as Hiro got close to him, his eyes ablaze.

"You love him so much? You're willing to do anything for him, begrudgingly or no? Then why can't you _say his fucking name_? God, you're such a dick, I don't even know if you're being meaningful and you really want to be there or if you're just gonna hike it over there and then leave him once _your kids _come out —"

"SHUICHI, THEN!"

An even more uncomfortable silence filled the vicinity. Suguru stared at the two, his eyes wide in surprise. K and Seguchi stared, as well as Hiro, who looked slightly taken aback.

"_Shuichi_. Needs me_,_" Yuki said, this time successfully standing up as he held onto a seat. "_Shuichi. _Is in trouble. And I need to be there, because — because I actually do care. Alright? You can stop _doubting _me now."

Hiro stared at the novelist, his hands flat on the floor, his face disbelieving.

But only for an instant.

He hesitated, then he half-grinned and he stood up to face Yuki.

"Then I'm going with you," he said calmly. "Although, you know this is suicide. Oh, and you're only going to be hurting Shuichi more then you are helping him. Not to mention that you can't swim right now, let alone walk on that leg."

Yuki gritted his teeth in defeat. Hiro was right.

"Then we'll just build something," Yuki snapped. "A raft of sorts."

"For once the dumb writer actually came up with a smart idea," K said, lifting himself from his spot on the floor. Yuki ignored this and started uprooting some chairs, determined to make it to New York. Whether he got there in one piece or not was beyond him.

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Rage sat on the bench, her brain swirling with all kinds of ideas. Her eyes traveled from the old man in the wheelchair to a hydrangea bush, where a couple of birds nested. She had so many possibilities in her hands, it was difficult to count them all. Those guys could die out there. They could make it and Shuichi might die. Rocks fall, everyone dies.

Wait, maybe that last one wasn't possible.

Okay, but there were other things to ponder. Rage had a phone in her hand that was fully functional, unlike her poor panda. While the motors in that thing weren't working, the motors in her mouth _were_, and she was feeling very angry towards Yuki right now, just because he was a dick by nature and she could never stand him anyway. And the tabloids had been rather dry lately.

Perhaps they needed fresh ideas?

She didn't know what was wrong with her. Rage mentally kicked herself for thinking of selling this story for her own personal gain, and then keeping Shuichi for herself so that he could sell records in New York and let her gain her once-professional reputation back.

But just as Yuki was a dick, she was a bitch by nature. That served as an excuse, right?

_Uhm. No._

Rage breathed in, then out. This was not about her. This was not about her own gain. This was about Shuichi and his babies and their father who was stranded out in the ocean somewhere.

_You could do it, though. It'd be so easy. Just pick up the phone, dial the number, do your thing; you know you can. Shuichi might get mad, but who cares? It's not his choice to make. It never was._

_Only, it really was._

Rage let out a roar of frustration, startling the birds out of their spot. She watched them fly off into the sky somewhere, their wings outstretched and quick to flap.

And that gave her an idea. Rage stood up and shoved her phone in her pocket. Her giant panda wasn't working, no, it wasn't.

But her father's hi-tech jet was. And she was sure it had plenty of room for five people, plus herself.

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"Is he stabilised or barely breathing? We can't do this if he's teetering," the doctor said, sitting at his desk, staring at a tired nurse. She sighed.

"He's stabilised, and his babies are probably an hour away from birth. He's been growing uncomfortable since early this afternoon."

"Sounds like a plan." The doctor threw back the last dregs of his coffee and stood up, straightening his coat. "Well, let me take a look at his charts and then we'll go from there. I don't want him delivering too early. We don't get too many pregnant men in here and when we do, they hardly ever live."

"Out of...morbid curiosity...when was the last baby successfully delivered by a pregnant man?"

"1963," the doctor replied without missing a beat.

The nurse swallowed nervously, her hands thrust deep in her pockets.

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"You all _are_ aware that you will a bit...wet...once you go out on this raft, yes? Or wouldn't it make more sense if you just stayed in here? I mean, well, once you're on the raft I can't guarantee we will be able to find you," Seguchi said plainly.

"At least we'll have a head start to New York," Yuki said, ignoring the logic.

"Anyone else hear that?" K suddenly said, but no one heard him.

"Nakano-san, give me that rope, we need to tie this off."

The raft was nearly complete, and made entirely of seat cushions, giant metal bits, bolts, and a giant metal platform that had torn from the back of the craft. The rope was what would help keep it together. Yuki silently cursed, thinking that this looked pretty shitty and they most likely wouldn't get to New York in any due time.

Well, at any rate, at least they were making an effort to do something about their situation.

Yuki turned to K, who was muttering under his breath. "What are you babbling about, K?"

"There was this whooshing noise. I heard it somewhere."

"Probably just a plane. Here, let me," Seguchi said calmly, taking the other half of the rope from Yuki and tying it around a cushion.

"And it's getting louder."

Indeed, the whooshing sound could now be heard by all five men. They stopped working, then turned around and gaped openly at what was above them.

"That is one sexy jet, man," K deadpanned.

A giant business jet hung above them, the wings large and the exterior shining white-silver. The cockpit door opened and a long rope ladder rolled loose, hanging down to just their level. Out from the door popped Rage, who was looking both angry and excited at the same time. She grappled a megaphone and put it right up to her mouth, switching it on.

"You guys are lucky my dad keeps alternative modes of transportation!" she said loudly. "Now hurry up! This baby can run all day but Shuichi can't!"

The men stared at each other, then they shrugged and began climbing the rope. Yuki waited until everyone else had climbed further up, then he stared at the failure of a raft before making his way to the jet, his leg feeling slightly better.

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_Are you dreaming?_

_Are you awake?_

_You must be dreaming._

_Are the babies here? Have I gotten my C-section yet?_

Shuichi was somewhere inside his head, floating and weightless. He felt nothing beyond the floor on which he sat, and the space around him was pitch black. The floor seemed to glow, and Shuichi realised that it was water he was sitting in. Oddly enough, he wasn't wet.

He stood up, and looked all around. He stared at his stomach, which was flat for some reason.

Flat and cold.

He hugged his middle.

_Come soon, babies. I don't know how long I can hang on._

Shuichi knelt back down, then he slowly fell onto his side, his eyelids lowering.

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"Man. You guys look like _shit_."

The five men stared at Rage angrily while she piloted the jet, swerving it around the bend of the ocean and staring at New York dead-on. Fifty more minutes, and then they'd be there...and Yuki would be a daddy.

The thought was sickeningly cute, but Rage allowed herself to smile a little.

"Can you hurry it up?" Yuki snapped. Rage's smile slipped off of her face and she rolled her eyes, revving the gears.

"You happy?" Rage said, enjoying the rush of the jet. It was smooth, silver, and beautiful. Maybe she'd start taking _this_ thing out for joyrides instead of her panda; she'd save that for more important missions. And even if she crashed this thing, Daddy had fifty other jets in his inventory anyway, so it was no big deal. Out of excitement, she decided to take a sudden swerve to the left.

"WHAT THE —"

Rage cackled loudly as everyone jolted in their seats. She brought the jet upright and was still giggling after five minutes while everyone was glaring at her, save for Tohma, who was merely pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Reiji-san, if you wouldn't do that in the future, it would be _fantastic_."

"Sorry. But do you _feel _this baby? God-_damn_, it's powerful."

"Yeah, we _see _that, Rage, now just fucking _get us to New York_," Yuki snapped, adjusting himself in his seat. Rage shot him a dirty look and was about to retort when a small beeping noise started going off. She turned away to look at the dashboard, and focused on the slow red light that was emitting a chirping sound every two seconds. Rage peered closer, then she swallowed nervously and gripped the wheel so hard her knuckles threatened to burst through her skin.

"What's going on?" K asked, looking just as alarmed as Rage. She turned to the four men and started chuckling nervously.

"You know, you guys are great. You're _fantastic_. And I hope you can forgive me despite my barely noticeable flaws. It's just that, you know. I sort of didn't remember to do something before I left to come get you guys."

There was a heavy silence. Rage bit her lower lip.

"None of you would happen to be carrying about thirty gallons of jet fuel with you, would you?"

The silence grew thicker.

Yuki looked like he wanted to break something.

"You didn't get any _gas_?" he said between gritted teeth.

"Woops?" Rage chuckled nervously, but no one was amused in the slightest.

"What the hell have we been running on this whole time?!" Suguru exclaimed.

"Whatever gas I had left, I suppose. Oh look, now we're about to start descending. Buckle yourselves tight, everyone."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DESCEND —?"

The jet suddenly jolted and started spiralling downward — slowly at first, then gathering speed. Yuki took a look out the window and saw that they were about to crash near Manhattan. He gulped and gritted his teeth, plotting Rage's death one grisly detail at a time. He was getting to the part where he'd lop off her head and gut it out and use it as a mug for his beer when the beeping suddenly multiplied, and now all sorts of alarms were going off.

"You guys really don't have the best of luck, do you?" Hiro said nonchalantly, only to shut up when his comment was met with the stares of three terrified and enraged passengers and one pilot. Tohma, ever the calm one, was merely gripping his armrests and humming some childhood tune under his breath while Yuki stared and resisted the urge to smack him.

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Shuichi was wide awake and whimpering to himself, his hands over his eyes. It had been thirteen hours and nothing had happened just yet. His heartbeat was steady, but it felt somewhat slower than usual and he didn't like that feeling. Shuichi rubbed his chest for a moment before placing his hands back over his eyes, trying to stop whimpering. But he couldn't really _help _himself — pain was everywhere, all over his lower extremities, and even his fingers were tingling. His nerves were on edge, and he felt the need to throw up, but the need wasn't strong enough so he remained in his bed, his eyes closed, sweat pouring down his face despite the air conditioning in his room. Magazines were scattered over in the chair by his bed, not a one of them interesting enough to capture his attention; not even the 1999 issue of MONO! with Nittle Grasper on the front.

The pain was becoming stronger now. Something stirred in his gut and he groaned, covering his whole face with a pillow, his fingers digging into the coarse pillowcase and threatening to puncture through it and rip the cotton out. He tried to keep his voice down, but one loud moan escaped from his throat and he bit his tongue immediately, not wanting to attract attention for something that could very well be nothing. His heart felt funny, and Shuichi didn't seem to be able to connect that with the sound of his heart monitor suddenly picking up speed.

"Mr. Shindou, are you alright?"

Shuichi looked up and saw a concerned nurse gazing at him. Her eyes were large and bright brown, and Shuichi suddenly felt slightly relaxed for some reason; as though he could trust this woman.

"It hurts," he whispered. "Oh _Jesus _it hurts so badly. Oh _God _—!"

Shuichi's insides started to tremble, and the nurse stared for two seconds before pressing the emergency button by his bed and then proceeded to check his heart rate. Everything was growing so fuzzy, so fast. Someone started yelling, another person was applying oxygen to him. He would have protested, had he been able to find his voice. His eyelids started fluttering, and his stomach started feeling incredibly strange — as though something — someone — was trying to push their way through.

"Get him to the ER, _now_!"

Shuichi silently agreed. He closed his eyes and counted to ten before passing out completely.

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Something was stuck in the side of his leg, and Yuki was sure that whatever it was had gone all the way through.

The plane hadn't crashed; rather, it had landed, although incredibly roughly. As of now it was sitting halfway in the ocean, halfway on a port. People were freaking out left, right, and centre. Yuki felt the insane urge to laugh at their panic, but the need to vomit was great and he turned over before terrible retching noises escaped his mouth, followed by that morning's breakfast and a bit of that afternoon's lunch. He lay back, breathing heavily, his throat burning terribly.

"Sir? Sir, you need to remain still."

Yuki looked up. God _fucking _damnit, he didn't even remember how he had gotten here in the first place, all he knew was that he was lying on a stretcher near an ambulance, and the others had already been driven off to the hospital. Yuki had taken the longest because he had initially tried to refuse treatment, only accepting it after seeing the piece of metal sticking out of his lower calf. He had pulled it out, but it felt like something was still stuck there, and was still wondering about it even as the medic yelled at him for yanking out an object that big from a wound that extreme, blah blah blah.

Yuki, needless to say, didn't care. Shuichi — where the fuck was _Shuichi_? Where was that fucking kid? What was he doing? What —

Yuki couldn't stay there any longer. He attempted to get up, but the medic pushed him back down, yelling more nonsense while he wrapped gauze around Yuki's leg. Yuki's brain started confusing English with Japanese, but he was able to discern one from the other after a moment's thought. He cursed silently in Japanese and started yelling back in English, incredibly annoyed.

"You don't understand — my — my boyfriend, he's — look, I just have to get to him, alright?"

The novelist felt shocked at himself. Never, in all his life, had he ever referred to that little shit as his _boyfriend_. The only thing that had ever passed his lips was "lover," and in that event he was merely referring more so to himself than Shuichi.

The medic looked left, then right. The other attendants who would normally be helping him with injured victims were off to the side, arranging their first-aid kits and laughing about something. Yuki had shaken them off after threatening to do terrible things to their nether regions, and now neither man wanted to touch him. The medic grimaced, not wanting to get on this guy's bad side, though he felt it might already be too late. Still, he leaned in and hissed quietly, "What the hell are you babbling about?"

"Look, he's at a hospital — he's about to —" well, Yuki couldn't reveal all of _that_; this guy looked incredibly confused as it was. "Look, can you just tell me where New York-Presbyterian Hospital is?"

"Your boyfriend's a Presbyterian?"

"I swear to fucking God —"

"Okay, okay!" the medic cried, panicking. "Look, just stay on the stretcher, I'll drive you there, okay? But you have to _stay put_!"

"Fine," Yuki said after some thought. He lay back down, grimacing, an ugly expression on his face. "But you had better drive fast, or so help me I will fucking kill you."

The medic didn't need to look twice in this crazy man's eyes in order to know that he was telling the truth. He nodded, then pushed Yuki's stretcher into the ambulance and shut the doors, rushing to clamber into the front seat before shutting his own door and turning his keys, cutting the ambulance alarm on. He pulled off, ignoring the stares of those who had just witnessed their shouting match, and leaving behind the yelling medical attendants who had been off to the side, screaming for him to stop the van. The medic, Ian, had only been an ambulance driver for half a year and never had to deal with crazy shit like this. Yuki's grunts could be heard through the half-open window near Ian's seat, and he gripped the steering wheel nervously. He pulled several lefts and rights around boulevards and avenues, certain that he nearly clipped a truck back there somewhere.

"You alright, Mr. Yuki?" Ian called out, only to be met with another low grunt. He dared to take a two-second peek at the unnaturally tall man, whose leg was bleeding. The wound wasn't terribly serious since he had managed to get some gauze on it, but it was still seeping somewhat through Yuki's jeans. He looked back to the road, and swerved with a yell after he spied a nearby Camry about to hit the front of the vehicle.

"No one fuckin' knows the meaning of 'right-of-way' anymore, swear to God!" Ian shouted angrily. He kept his eyes on the road ahead, trying not to kill them both.

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"Is that just his left side? Jesus Christ, look at this guy."

A nearby obstetrician, last name being Ferrante, sighed and quickly applied an ice pack to the young man's forehead, biting her lower lip. Several doctors were suited up, scrubs and masks applied tightly. Silver tools and a large bowl of water surrounded the operating table, and the patient in question had a cap around his head, an oxygen tube inserted in his mouth and taped off to the side. Ferrante stared at her rubbery white gloves, clean and new. They wouldn't look that way in about two minutes.

She tried not to panic as she, head of the team, gave the okay, and she took another look at the poor boy's left side. It was slightly blotchy, as though someone had kicked him there several times. The faintness of it suggested that the internal hemorrhage wasn't that serious, yet no one was still sure what exactly caused it. Ferrante chalked it up to the fact that this was a male pregnancy and was therefore unconventional in whatever happened.

She was scared, obviously. This boy had such a sweet face, and he had been muttering about his wonderful boyfriend beforehand...it would be a shame to lose him. Ferrante closed her eyes and said a quick, silent prayer.

"Let's go," she said. She opened her eyes again, and moved forward with the scalpel, making a neat incision along the bottom of the womb, a thin trail of blood blossoming as the blade moved along the boy's skin. She made the incision wide, so as to make enough room to deliver the twin babies resting within that womb. She felt a shiver crawl up her spine and continued onward, getting through to the abdominal cavity.

This part was going to be incredibly tricky.

"Come on, Dr. Ferrante," a nearby colleague said calmly, nodding at her. Ferrante nodded, her panic level slowly increasing as she reached the placenta. This was it; after this, who knew what would happen. She forced herself to breathe as she sliced through the placenta and let the other two doctors nearby take over.

The first doctor reached in, trying not to damage anything on his way through the womb. After gently grasping the shoulders of the first baby, he managed to bring it out — first the head, then the eyes, and finally the rest of the body slid out, trembling and bloody, only patches of skin being clear and white.

Ferrante and the others watched as this baby let out a cry, her mouth wide open, her eyes squeezed shut and sprinkled with blood and tears. Her fists — oh God, her fists, they were so small — they were clenched tightly, shaking, shaking so hard, outraged to be taken from her safe and warm environment, her sibling left in the blood and amniotic fluid. Someone clamped the umbilical cord and it came undone, then they took the baby while the other doctor proceeded to repeat the procedure for the other baby.

"This one looks a little further in...hang on, I can maneuver it," the second doctor said calmly, pushing his sleeves up and reaching in, his arms becoming streaked with blood. Ferrante took a look at Shuichi's side and saw that the hemorrhage had started to clear up. Something must have stopped bleeding in the process of the Cesarean, which calmed her a little.

The second baby was also a girl, and she was just as outraged as her sister had been, only a little less loud and a little more bloody. Pinch, cut. The cord fell away.

The beeping of the machines suddenly changed rhythms.

"What the hell — what's going on?"

"I think he's hemorrhaging somewhere else — in the abdomen. Get the defibrillator!"

Shuichi's heart rate started to become erratic, and his chest suddenly contracted. He fell into V-fib, and Ferrante's head started to feel a little too heavy for her shoulders. She moved forward and took the defibrillator pads in her own hands, charging them before bringing them to Shuichi's chest and allowing the shock to enter his body. He shook, his spine arching, then he fell back and nothing improved.

"Shit — charging — _clear_, goddammit!"

Another shock. No effect. Ferrante rubbed the paddles together like her fucking life depended on it.

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"Okay, we're almost there, man, but you gotta hang on for a little bit, okay? We're like two minutes away, I swear."

"Two minutes? Shuichi could be _dead _in two minutes!" Yuki roared, hitting Ian's window. "Hurry this up, goddammit, he could _die _on me!"

"Buddy, what the fuck, is this guy _pregnant _or something?!"

Yuki stared at Ian, who looked at him from his rearview mirror. Yuki's face had turned dark and fearful, and Ian finally understood. Goddamn, this guy was _weird_! He had a pregnant boyfriend, his leg was screwed up but he was acting like it _didn't _hurt like a bitch — Ian would have been screaming his head off, that's for sure — and he was going nuts, throwing objects everywhere and yelling at random moments, urging Ian to hurry the hell up and drive to that hospital before he kicked the window in and beat him in the face and drove there himself.

"Okay — _okay_, look, see! It's here, we're here! Now, just let me — WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, MAN?"

Yuki hadn't bothered to wait. He unbuckled himself from the stretcher, kicked open the ambulance doors with his good leg, and limped out, looking very much like a madman. His hair was incredibly disheveled, as was his clothing, and his leg was still bleeding, albeit not as badly as it had been before. He limped towards the entrance of the hospital and pushed an unsuspecting doctor out of the way while Ian stood outside his truck, scratching his head and staring at the guy. Ian could come to no other conclusion other than that this Yuki guy had some serious brass balls on him.

Yuki limped towards the front desk in the lobby, the patients and doctors walking by him, some bothering to take five seconds to stare at him. The secretary at the front stared at him as well, but still maintained her pleasant gaze, although a feeling of panic leapt in her throat.

"May I help you, sir?"

Yuki took a breath, then began to speak in a slightly hoarse voice. "I need to see Shuichi Shindou. I need to see him, I — he's my — I —"

"Sir, I'm afraid Mr. Shindou is in the Labour ward at this point, if you would care to wait over there —"

"_No_, goddammit, I am NOT going to fucking wait, do you _know _what I had to go through in order to get here?!" Yuki shouted. "My leg's fucked up, I just went through two transport crashes, both in which I should have died but _didn't, _how the _fuck _I managed that I don't know, and I came all the goddamn way from Japan to get to Shuichi Shindou because he's — he's _mine_, okay, he's my lover, goddammit I LOVE that fucking kid, and he's in Labour birthing _my _kids — you have no idea, lady, you have no goddamn clue, do you, I need to see him, and I have got to see him _now_!"

"Alright, buddy, how 'bout you just take it easy there?" A nearby security guard walked towards Yuki with a smartass grin on his stupid face and reached out to grab Yuki's arm. An indescribable sort of anger flared through Yuki and torched his very bones, his vision turning red as he grabbed the security guard's hand and twisted it while he struck his good knee into the guard's abdomen, grabbing his gun with the other hand. The secretary gasped and pushed herself a few inches away from the desk as Yuki held up the gun, the barrel staring her down like some ominous, piercing black eye. The guard fell to the ground, grunting in pain.

"Let — me — up — there. _Now_."

The secretary nodded slowly, her hands held up in surrender. "If you just — just take the stairs, over to the left — it's on the second floor."

"Second floor," Yuki breathed. "Got it." He hesitated, then he lay the gun down on the desk and limped as fast as he could to the nearest door, which had a sign next to it that read quite clearly "LEVELS 2 - 3, LUNCHROOM."

Yuki yanked open the door and shut it behind him, gripping the guardrail and quickly making his way up the stairs, hissing and cursing and spewing angry slurred sentences as he dragged him bum leg behind him. The bleeding had stopped long ago, but the pain was growing worse and he wasn't quite sure just how long he could take this. His vision blurred for a few seconds, then he pulled himself together and made himself climb those last few steps before pushing the door open and walking out into the nearly empty hallway. Just at the end, to the left, was the Labour ward.

_Finally._

He made his way down, where he could hear persistent beeping and shouts getting much clearer. Panic rose in his chest and his throat, and he felt himself getting weaker as he neared the doors. A nurse came out suddenly and saw him, and ran towards him, his hands outstretched to try and keep Yuki from walking any further.

"Sir — sir, you cannot go in there, sir — a complication has arisen —"

"Complication?"

The nurse stared.

"What complication?"

"The — the father, sir," the nurse said, his resolve weakening. "The father's in there...the pregnant one, anyway — he's dying."

Yuki said nothing. Felt nothing.

_He's dying. _

_He's dying. _

Yuki stared at the doors, which suddenly looked like a gateway to hell. Yuki wanted to walk in there and let the flames lick him, let his misery overtake him, what the hell was he going to do, where were his kids going to be — were the kids even _alive_? He was just about to ask in the hoarsest of voices when a doctor suddenly burst through the doors, scrubs in disarray, hair everywhere, clinging to her forehead with sweat.

"He's back," she called out. "No, don't — never mind, he's _back_, holy shit I did it."

The doctor looked up and saw the disheveled blonde man, his eyes shaped like almonds, the irises glinting clearly across her way. She sobered up, and looked at the man straight on. The nurse mumbled something about cleaning up and left Yuki's side. Yuki paid him no mind and focused solely on the doctor who had just proclaimed her success. He limped towards her, and she showed no sign of fear or disgust.

"You saved Shuichi Shindou?"

The doctor hesitated, then nodded slowly.

"...Thank you."

Yuki nodded to her, then he gently hugged her. The doctor stiffened in his embrace, then slowly placed her hands around the taller man's waist, her touch light and tentative. Yuki hugged the doctor a little tighter, then eventually let her go and walked into the room, where the stench of blood and fluids hit him clear in the face, but he didn't give it any thought.

He looked at the operating table and the figure that lay upon it.

A few doctors surrounded Shuichi's womb, quickly sewing up the incision that had been made, but Shuichi's heart rate had returned to normal and he was able to breathe on his own. His eyes fluttered open, and he saw Yuki standing there — and it was not an illusion.

He felt sure of it this time. His heart told him so.

Shuichi looked at his lover, smiling. Yuki smiled back, and someone said something about introducing the couple to their children after the mess was cleared up. Shuichi breathed in deep, and Yuki exhaled, and for that moment they were truly one in that room, their flesh and blood sleeping in the next room.

Shuichi imagined their tiny fingers, their eyes, the first girl having Yuki's brown-blonde hair and quick temper, the second one, his occasionally quiet nature and overall good heart.

_But Yuki has a good heart, too. _

_Yuki has a very good heart._

And didn't Shuichi know it.

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(Thank you, our dear, wonderful...INCREDIBLY, INCREDIBLY patient readers, for sticking with us this long. This is the end of "Will This Last?", which is a question we have hopefully answered. Please place the blame of the late forthcomings of these chapters on the lazy, untimely half-assed efforts of chasingmornings, but don't be too harsh on her — she certainly means well.

Thank you so, so much for your time. We hope you enjoyed the show. /takes a bow

CURTAINS DOWN)


	21. Epilogue

**epilogue: safe in the sound**

_Possibly maybe;_

_probably love._

- "Possibly Maybe" by Bjork

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"So...she's the older one?"

Shuichi chuckled. "No. _She's _the older one. And coincidentally, the loudest."

"Huh. Takes after you, then."

Shuichi tapped his lover lightly in the stomach. "Shut it, you."

Yuki smiled quietly to himself, and peered over the basinets once more. Shuichi was still in the hospital, his scars clearing up after he had given birth. Immediately after the delivery, a small section of Shuichi's bowels had begun to bleed, and the bleeding hadn't stopped until Dr. Ferrante had managed to bring him back, get in there, and repair the tear that had been made to one of his smaller intestines. The problem didn't seem so significant, but the strain of the birth had taken its toll on Shuichi, it seemed.

But here they stood, Shuichi on his own two feet and in a hospital gown, robe, and slippers, gazing at their babies.

There they lay, sleeping, their tiny chests moving up and down, the one on the left sucking her thumb loosely. Shuichi had insisted on naming her Kaoru because she smelled so good. That wasn't to say the other baby, Mai, didn't possess a scent; it was just that her elegance surpassed such things.

"Seriously," Shuichi insisted quietly, holding onto Yuki's pinkie finger with his own as they pored over the girls. "She looks so...she just seems to carry herself well."

"Better than me," Yuki muttered, but Shuichi heard him anyway. He sighed and leaned on Yuki's shoulder, his eyelids lowering significantly. Yuki looked down and stared at Shuichi's face, which seemed to glow somewhat. He looked back down at his girls and blinked several times, hardly daring to believe that he was here, now, in this position, in this sort of time frame. Seguchi and Mika were in the lobby, reading magasines, giving the couple their privacy with their children.

_Their children._

Our _children_.

He looked in the basinets once more. Kaoru looked very much like Shuichi, but Yuki half-suspected that she had his eyes. It had only been a day since their birth, and they hadn't woken up just yet, but her eyes had fluttered once and Yuki could have sworn he saw a flash of gold. Her fine brown hair lay smoothly on her head, tufted in some places. He had an urge to reach out and gently feel it, but he didn't want to risk waking her; as Shuichi had said, Kaoru was definitely the loudest of the two.

Mai worried him. Mai was too quiet, too subtle. She was gorgeous, same as her sister, but something about her unsettled Yuki just a bit. He shook off the feeling, and looked back at Shuichi, who was starting to fall asleep on his shoulder.

"Why don't you go back to bed," Yuki suggested quietly. Shuichi yawned and nodded, leaning up to give Yuki a kiss on the cheek. As soon as his warm lips left Yuki's skin, the novelist felt a crazy urge to just grab Shuichi and kiss him deeply, in front of all these slumbering babies in this room — and he did so, ignoring his soundly resistant subconscious. Shuichi was taken by surprise, and his eyes remained open for a few seconds before his succumbed to this crazy man, kissing him with all the energy he had. As soon as he stopped, Shuichi smiled and gently pushed Yuki off of him.

"You're so silly," he said sleepily. "But I love you."

He turned and walked out of the room. Yuki stood there by himself, watching Shuichi walk away. He turned back to his children and continued to look at them, unable to shake off how pretty they were. He quietly cleared his throat, noticing how dry it felt, and he realised that he hadn't had anything to eat or drink in close to twelve hours. He was about to see if he could grab a soda from the vending machine down the hall when, quite instantly, Mai started to whimper, then she began to cry.

"Uh-oh."

Yuki looked around, nervous. Then it occurred to him that he should perhaps try to pick her up and calm her.

"Hey, hey there," he said softly, reaching down and gently lifting Mai from her spot, her tiny body emitting a strangely large amount of warmth upon his skin. "Hey...it's all okay. It's okay."

Mai continued to cry, but her voice grew considerably lower. She eventually stopped, her tears still running down her face, and she opened her eyes. Yuki nearly had a heart attack when he saw how clear and hazel-gold they were.

_...So it was Mai I was looking at_, Yuki thought now. _Not Kaoru. Mai has my eyes._

_...She's too much like me_.

Mai stared up at her father with a quiet curiosity, her hands curling and uncurling as though she was unsure of just what to do with them. She settled for keeping them uncurled and flat on her blanketed lap, her fingers flexing slowly every few seconds. Yuki hesitated, then placed a finger atop hers, feeling her soft skin. Mai continued to stare at him, her brown hair lightly brushing her forehead in the form of tiny, thin bangs. Yuki looked back at Kaoru, who was still asleep, her thumb still in her mouth. He was surprised she hadn't woken up either.

As soon as he thought that, Kaoru squirmed in her place, then began to cry very, very loudly — her eyes were scrunched up terribly, her fists balled up and turning white. Yuki hesitated, panicking inwardly, then walked over and used his other arm to scoop her up, shocked that he hadn't dropped either of the girls.

"Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh —"

Yuki walked around, trying to calm Kaoru, while Mai stared at her sister with the same curious look she had given Yuki. Kaoru continued to cry for a few more minutes, then she eventually died down and gurgled a little before opening her eyes.

Yep, Yuki was right. He had confused them. Kaoru had deep, wide brown eyes — not Shuichi's. Yuki supposed they came from Shuichi's mother, who had eyes that same colour. He looked into them, then back at Mai's — each pair had a certain intense feel to them, almost something like ferocity.

He enjoyed it.

Yuki sat down in a nearby chair and gazed at the girls, his heart hammering like crazy. Mai rested her small head against Yuki's shoulder while Kaoru played with her blanket, tugging at it and giggling. Mai stared at her sister sleepily, seemingly entertained. Yuki chuckled at the thought of her having the same temperament as he, only perhaps not as angry. No, Kaoru was the one who was bound to lose her head every once in a while. Yuki was sure of it.

He stared at the pair of them. They looked so alike, and acted so different. How typical — and Yuki was usually bored with typical. Yet....

And yet —

He loved them anyhow. He loved them all the same. He felt a pang in his heart, something strange tugging; he thought it was perhaps his hunger gnawing at him. Mai looked up at him, her eyes boring into his, her hand clutching his collar.

No. It wasn't hunger. It was...fulfillment, rather.

Fulfillment of a feeling that Yuki had been somewhat devoid of for quite some time.

He held his girls close to his chest, closing his eyes and letting one, thin tear stream down his face. He mentally cursed at himself for getting so emotional, but he felt that it was bound to happen anyway. After all, having children changed you — it was true. Even in his case, however small, it was still true.

He held them closer. He breathed in their scent. He remembered their faces, their voices, their cries, tiny smiles, shaking, still hands, the skin always so, so warm.

Yuki was about to doze off when he felt a warm hand rest upon his shoulder. He looked up and saw Shuichi standing there, a small smile on his face.

"Couldn't sleep."

"It's fine."

Shuichi pulled up the chair by Yuki and sat next to him, his head on the novelist's shoulder, his hand caressing Mai's small back. Mai turned to look at her other father, then resettled against Yuki's chest. The family sat there, hearts beating slow and steady, content and safe in their peaceful silence.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888

(Mai - elegance.

Kaoru - fragrance.)


End file.
